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How to recognize drama in a relationship
The main sign is that personal life becomes like a minefield. Relationships literally consist of conflicts, constant mutual discontent, fits of jealousy, stormy partings and the same stormy reunions. But to finish with this, oddly enough, no one is in a hurry.
Psychologists allocate a few more symptoms that indicate that partners are literally addicted to drama.
Participants in relations provoke quarrels, unwind them, strive not to settle scandals, but to bring the situation to a boiling point.
Partners communicate with hints, arrange checks, set up various psychological traps for each other, which are almost impossible to avoid.
In super-dramatic relationships, people are constantly jealous of each other – to friends, colleagues, acquaintances, random passers-by. Every careless glance risks becoming a pretext for violent conflict.
A lover or lover of drama often wants to spend literally all his free time with his couple and is very sensitive to the fact that the partner has other interests and hobbies, is offended and provokes quarrels on this basis.
The pleasure of conflict
Without all this mutual hassle, a drama addict gets bored. Calm relationships seem insipid, and full of worries and experiences, on the contrary, bring joy and help to feel alive.
Relationships for show
After another quarrel, drama lovers try to involve as many witnesses as possible in their adventures. They can notify their friends about their conflicts, cry in stories, dump a bunch of intimate details on subscribers. And after a couple of days, write that everything is fine again.
In such relationships, partners simply cannot sit down and calmly discuss their experiences, as adult responsible people would do. They diligently avoid serious conversations, do not seek to solve problems, do not try to support each other and understand the situation.
What makes people act like this
Experts believe that it is in childhood that we learn behavior patterns, which we then “work out” on our partners or spouses.
If the relationship in the parental family was dysfunctional, mom and dad often quarreled, could not calmly talk to each other, and even more so used physical violence, the child may grow up with the feeling that this is the norm. And he will even subconsciously try to reproduce such patterns of behavior in his life.
Fear of truly intimate relationships
People can be afraid to confide in someone, to become vulnerable, to openly discuss their feelings. Therefore, they choose to imitate emotional and all-consuming love – as they imagine it. That is, making a fuss and bringing yourself and your partner to a nervous breakdown turns out to be not as scary as letting a person get closer and honestly talking about what worries you.
In romantic films and books, “real” love between characters is shown as a wild and explosive cocktail of emotions and actions. Here and suffering, and tears, and manipulation, and betrayal, and insane intrigues, and the inability to express their feelings in words.
As long as such scenarios are presented as something right and desirable, some people will arrange a roller coaster of their personal lives – so long as the relationship does not seem too bland and not romantic enough.
If a person is infantile, healthy adult relationships are simply beyond his strength. Even if according to his passport he is over 30, he is essentially in the position of a child – capricious and constantly demanding attention.
How to live without drama and be happy
Psychologists offer such a tactic.
1. Work through the past with a specialist
Before starting a relationship, you need to deal with your cockroaches and become a truly mature, holistic and responsible person. Just in order not to drag your traumas and prejudices into the life of another person and not make yourself and him suffer.
Therefore, if you realize that it is not yet possible to build relationships without drama, then you will have to delve into your childhood, understand where your legs grow from, and gradually deal with all the attitudes, fears, resentments and feelings that make you behave this way. Do it better together with a good psychologist.
2. Learn to speak
It’s hard, but being open about your feelings is the foundation of any healthy relationship.
For example, a person who is worried that he is not loved enough and is afraid of losing his partner can go two ways:
- Provoke a scandal, be offended and force the other person to prove their feelings.
- It’s blunt to say that he feels lonely and vulnerable, worries about the future of relationships and wants to be “picked up” and reminded how good and beloved he is.
Those inclined to drama usually choose the first path. But you need to strive for the second.
3. Look for activities
Drama sometimes absorbs a person so much that he literally lives in quarrels and reconciliations, falling into dependence on these swings and losing himself. Therefore, you should remember what else is important and interesting in life, what other passions and hobbies you have, and devote time to these things. If the world doesn’t revolve around relationships alone and leaves room for hobbies, careers, or creativity, then drama doesn’t seem as appealing anymore.
4. Identify triggers and take breaks
Try to understand at what moments you are drawn to conflict with your partner and make scenes. Maybe this is a reaction to loneliness and lack of attention? Or is it the fear of losing a loved one that spills out? Or is the drama an attempt to deal with anxiety about the future?
As soon as a more or less clear idea is formed about exactly what moments you are drawn to exploits, you need to start tracking these situations and taking time out when they occur. Do not automatically react with provocations, jealousy and quarrels, but think about how else you can calm yourself. Perhaps it will be a conversation or a joint activity with a loved one, relaxation, writing in a diary.
5. Avoid Abusive Partners
If next to you is a narcissist, a manipulator and a tyrant, no matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you work on yourself, there will be no drama in the relationship. Therefore, it is important to notice the alarm bells from the very beginning: depreciation and insults, attempts to control and limit you, rudeness, violation of boundaries, imposing your opinion, excessive assertiveness. This will help to break the unhealthy connection in time.