Why don’t relationships with a man work out, what are you doing wrong? Or why the relationship you’re in doesn’t suit you? Why are you alone and can not meet the one? These key questions in the field of relationships will be answered by our expert – a psychologist-analyst, author of the book “Living Life” Anna Boginskaya.
We are taught to put ourselves last
I have one answer to all these questions: you are not in the first place in your value system. At such a verdict, the eyes of my “questioner” are rounded, she pouts her lips slightly and looks accusingly: “How is it?!! You can’t do this!!!” – mute indignation burns in the eyes. The fact of the matter is that schools and books teach us otherwise.
Stereotypical attitudes inspire us that respecting and loving ourselves is immodest and even somehow indecent. But self-sacrifice and suffering, on the contrary, are highly encouraged by our “teachers”.
We are taught to endure suffering and think, first of all, about children, husbands, parents, work, friends, a cat and her mouse, and only someday about ourselves. Try again to verify this. To do this, take a simple test.
You and your values or vice versa
So test. Rank the five values in order of importance to you:
- a business;
- the man I love;
The first is the most important, the last is the opposite. If you are not in the first place on this list, this is precisely the reason for all the failures and doubts in life.
A happy woman always puts herself first.
And it is right. I say this with confidence also because I myself was once in the twentieth place of my values. In order to have what I have in my life, I had to understand a lot and put myself at the top of my list of priorities. Being the favorite of your life does not mean acting narcissistic or selfish, and does not mean a lack of empathy, sympathy and concern. The matter is quite different. It is about a healthy understanding of oneself and constructive interaction in this world.
Analyze, because in this life we, women, do not belong to anything. We do not own our husbands, our business, or even our children and parents. All this can disappear – children grow up, parents leave, husbands change … We have only ourselves. And only we personally are the asset thanks to which everything happens in our life. Or not happening. Nevertheless, we manage to move this asset to seventh place and then we wonder why everyone manipulates us and often wipes our feet?
We go to seminars and trainings in search of answers. Instead, they reinforce our self-doubt and further reinforce this stereotype. “Become a slave to a man! Know exactly what he wants,” says one teacher. “Pump female energy and be a geisha,” the second teaches, “Watch yourself,” the third shouts, “Be positive!” insists the fourth. All these teachings are, of course, right, but only a woman will never need them when she is in the first place in her system of values.
Why? Because a girl who loves and respects herself will never allow herself to bloom to a dirty head or excess weight. And not for a man, but for yourself. When you love yourself, you stop needing geisha energy practices because your energy circulates normally. You don’t have to rein yourself in to be “positive” because a person who respects himself is always there, because what brings him into the negative is bypassed. And most importantly, a man will never come into your life who will make you a slave, because a priori he will not be able to interest you. Your world will be different because your value system is formed in the right way.
If you reconsider your values, learn to put them in the right order and discard stereotypes, then the relationship with the same man will work out in the best way.
Author: Anna Boginskaya – psychologist, writer-analyst, author of the bestseller “Live Life”
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