Often women stay with partners for a long time, who use them, humiliate them, even beat them. And if they still find the strength to terminate this relationship, it is likely that the next chosen one will be the same. Why do we love those who mistreat us?
How to get out of a destructive relationship? We are looking for answers to these questions together with our expert Elena Tararina.
We carry out behavior patterns with a partner from childhood: in a pair, we realize approximately the same relationship that we developed with our parents. Studying the attitude of children towards parents who beat them, abandoned them alone or humiliated them, psychologists made one observation: these children – contrary to what common sense suggests – were very attached to their parents. Why?
Origins of Addiction
Communicating with the parent, the child gradually learns his ways of behavior, reactions, responses to different situations. If a parent comforts a child, then the child will eventually learn to comfort himself. And stop needing a parent – or, at least, needing so much. Actually, this is how, step by step, children gain independence in order to eventually begin their separate adult life and build equal relationships with other people.
But what if a parent treats a child badly? The child will mistreat himself. As adults, these previously loveless people will cling to just about anyone because the fear of being abandoned is too great. They know how to choose: in order to choose, you need an idea of u200bu200bwhat you want. But such an idea in an adult who grew up with bad parents is hopelessly distorted. Even the worst of parents occasionally show a sentimental interest in their children. And this “honey spoon” inside the “barrel of tar” turns out to be decisive. It makes you reach out to the parent and at the same time makes the child perceive this mixture of sympathy and anger as “correct honey.” Growing up, he does not find other relationships because he does not look for them, he does not know how to recognize them.
How to recognize destructive relationships?
Recognizing destructive relationships is very simple: in these relationships, everything is destroyed. Time is wasted, mood deteriorates, health problems arise, money, talents and other benefits are wasted.
What to do if your girlfriend is stuck in a destructive relationship?
Raise her self-esteem. When a person is treated badly, his self-esteem suffers. Remind your friend of the good things you see in her, whether it be looks or abilities. Be truthful. Talk only about what you really like.
Support and encourage. For those who are preoccupied with their problems, their horizons narrow. Sports, walks and going to the cinema – everything that pushes the boundaries of daily experience, improves mood, is useful.
Help find new friends. Introduce your friend to different people: this way she will see that many people treat her well.
Please consult a specialist. Getting out of a destructive relationship on your own is almost impossible! Destructive relationships are always “logical blindness”: people inside the situation do not see the elementary! It is very important to find a coach, a psychologist, a priest or someone else with whose help a friend can really assess the situation. Only after that you can proceed to the next stage: “If it doesn’t suit me, then how do I want to live?”.
Photo: VGstockstudio/Shutterstock/TASS; CFA “Burda”; PR
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