Without realizing it, parents sometimes inflict on their children wounds that do not heal for a long time. How to avoid it?
A rude word said in the heat of the moment, an unpleasant nickname, a manner of abruptly pulling up … Rarely, one of the parents does not allow himself this, because we are all people: we get tired, annoyed, get excited and do not follow the words. Alas, bitter resentment, an acute sense of injustice and helplessness that a child experiences at such moments can be remembered for a long time. Sometimes it’s for life. And hence the stress, tense relationships with parents, low self-esteem … Who wants this for their child? We have collected here typical examples of insults that we inflict on children without malicious intent. Did you recognize yourself? Try to fix the situation.
Who calls it that…
Parents now and then call the child stupid, punishment, lazy – is it familiar? When there are problems at work, the mother-in-law or mother-in-law makes claims, the easiest way to boost self-esteem is to humiliate someone who can’t hit you back. And such a whipping boy often becomes your own child. Moreover, parents, as a rule, do not notice rudeness behind themselves and do not see this as a problem.
Hearing annoyance and aggression in the words of adults, the baby thinks that these emotions are caused by the very fact of his existence. Because of this, the feeling of value of oneself and one’s life is sharply reduced. In addition, the child decides that the use of rude expressions is normal. And he begins to use them in communication with his peers, and in the future – with his children and elderly parents.
What to do?
Look at children’s misdeeds from a different angle. It’s not a child doing terrible things, but you’re not in control of your emotions. At the moment when an offensive word is spinning on the tongue, say to yourself: “Won’t I be ashamed later?” And tune in to a constructive solution to the problem. If the baby spilled the juice again, teach him how to use a rag, and do not ask where his hands grow from. And if he cannot solve a school problem as quickly as you want, most likely he has forgotten the principle of solving it. Sit down and explain again. Make sure your child understands everything.
In high tones
Not only words, but also intonation, facial expressions and gestures that accompany them can hurt. Children perceive screams as a demonstration of strength and a threat, not realizing that they are often a manifestation of the impotence of an adult, his inability or unwillingness to approach the issue calmly and constructively.
As with the noise on a busy street, a child quickly becomes accustomed to an eternally screaming parent. And an adult will no longer be able to rely on his vocal cords when he wants to prevent some really dangerous situation. You run the risk of being in the role of a boy who shouted: “Wolves, wolves!”
What to do?
Try to be more honest with your child about your feelings. Tell him what emotions you experience and what causes them. Thanks to your sincerity, the child will learn to grasp the connection between these phenomena and will understand you better. In fact, children love their parents very much and do not want to upset them. They just don’t have enough experience to see ahead of time the consequences of their actions.
One spank, two spanks
Again he does not obey, a hooligan! Clap on the pope – that’s hushed up. And what’s wrong here? Any physical impact grossly violates the personal boundaries of the baby. He feels completely dominated by an aggressive adult, afraid of him – and this will not help him grow up as a harmonious personality.
The son (or daughter) will cease to strive to discuss conflicts and resolve them with the help of words. Seeing that physical force is an effective method of persuasion, he will use it himself, because he was not shown alternatives.
What to do?
If you feel that you are boiling, take a step back or go to another room, drink some water, finally. Come to your senses, and when you return, surprise the child with an unusually calm reaction or even translate the conflict into a joke. Again, try to convey to the baby why his behavior hurts you so much. You’ll see, this will have a far greater effect than corporal punishment.
Ask for forgiveness
Do not forget to admit your mistakes yourself, if you offended, humiliated the child. Tell me how sorry you are about what happened. And in practice, show that you are trying to be more restrained. Having learned to forgive the closest people, the child will transfer this useful skill to relationships with others.