What is narcissism, and when does it become a problem in a relationship? Here is our complete guide to narcissists and relationships.
Narcissism exists on a scale from healthy self-confidence to a clinically diagnosable personality disorder. Those at the end of the spectrum are the real manipulators and hard to identify. But we are ready to help.
Signs of a Narcissistic Male
Narcissists are betrayed with giblets by their inconsistency, desire to look their best and overwhelming anger. This is in general. And in details – further.
1. Relationship inconsistency
The tactics of narcissists is very simple: at the beginning of a relationship, they will make various generous gestures to win you over. Mountains of gifts, the best restaurants in the city, huge bouquets of roses… Psychologists call it a “love bomb” and explain that in this way a man wants to speed up the pace of relationship development and make you dependent on him.
The difference between a narcissist and a truly in love man is that the former wants to make you happy for himself, while the latter tries for you. When the deed is done and you are in love to the point of unconsciousness, the narcissist may disappear, then reappear if he gets bored. Inconsistency in the manifestation of feelings is a red flag that indicates frivolous intentions.
2. Beautiful game in public
Narcissists are experienced manipulators. They have several tricks, but the most curious is the “spotlight”. Its purpose is to make you question your own perception of reality. In addition to the extreme confidence, charm, and desire to please that every narcissist has, this technique works flawlessly.
Instead of being himself, such a man will begin to play the role of your ideal. He is a subtle psychologist who feels well what exactly you are looking for in a man. With his gestures, the narcissist seems to shed light on you, hence the name of the technique. The narcissist might say:
“You haven’t seen your friends for a couple of weeks, why are you here now? Come down, unwind.”
And then, when you turn to leave, he will ask you not to leave and kiss you hard as a token of his sincere love. This behavior should be embarrassing.
The narcissist is very narcissistic and will always make himself the victim. He will blame past relationships, his childhood or youth for being so unhappy, traumatized and offended by the whole world.
As personality disorder expert Randy Krueger explains, narcissists expect you to give them all your time and cater to their needs first. If not, expect either a scandal or whining.
If you suggest a “serious conversation”, then it will surely end with you tearfully asking for forgiveness, although if there is a victim in this relationship, then it is you.
Because narcissists rely on constant flattery and recognition to keep them from realizing their insecurity and inferiority, they rarely take responsibility for their actions. Plus, there is a lack of empathy, which leads to a reluctance to see the needs of other people.
4. Thirst for reaction
The narcissist lures you into a verbal battle with extremely hurtful insults. All this is necessary in order to get an impulse from you – a reaction. All this is to provoke you to participate in the drama that they themselves wrote and directed.
It is important for a narcissist to know that you care about him and screaming, screaming, crying, participating in quarrels with him is a sign of such indifference. Therefore, there is nothing worse for a narcissist than being ignored.
5. Tries to quarrel with everyone
The narcissist believes that all relationships are inherently and completely doomed, in addition to this, he wants all your attention. Because of this, such a man will certainly try to embroil you with parents and friends. He will talk nasty things about them, frame them in every possible way. And if they don’t like him, a tantrum will certainly begin on the topic that your loved ones want to destroy your love.
If the victim is lonely, it is easier for the narcissist to take advantage of her insecurity.
6. Fear and manipulation
The narcissist will destroy your personality for months and sometimes years. He will find out more about you than you know about yourself, and will put pressure on you. So, for example, a narcissist will use phrases like:
- You will never find someone like me.
- If I leave, no one will need you.
- Yes, who needs you but me?
- After everything I’ve done, you should be grateful to me.
In order to break you down and make you dance to their tune, the narcissist will press on your guilt, deep fears and weaknesses.
7. Revenge and stalking
A narcissist can take cruel revenge on you: for example, share your intimate photos with all your friends, start talking nasty things to everyone around, and so on. Threats to your loved ones may also be used.
Why is a narcissist dangerous?
Such men treat women very badly and often – almost according to house building. Even if you are beautiful, smart and terribly talented, the narcissist will try to convince you that you are a nonentity that he paid attention to simply for the sake of charity and for his infinite holiness. The narcissist wants to make the victim submissive, so he will kill your self-esteem in every possible way.
If you have even the slightest bit of self-doubt, the narcissist will try to pressure it into asserting himself at your expense.
The habits of a narcissistic man
Speaking of daffodils, you should definitely pay attention to their colorful habits that give them away. Here are some of the most interesting habits of such guys:
- There are no rules for them. And for you – a million. This is because the narcissist thinks they are simply too good to follow any rules.
- They are drama kings. Every time in a relationship, some kind of drama is played out, tears, screams, snot and all that. Because narcissists don’t solve problems, they write dramas.
- They punish with silence. Offended, he begins to be silent and ignore you.
- Everything should be according to their wishes. No compromises, no “buts” and “ifs”. Everything should be the way the narcissist wants.
- They shame and press on guilt.
- They change you. The narcissist will try to “reflash” you according to his desire and his Wishlist.
How to protect yourself from a narcissistic man
The best defense against a narcissist is to get the hell out of him, but if you’re in a relationship with him and want to keep it, here are a few tips:
- Do not allow criticism in your address or sharply upset with words like “I don’t like your tone”, “You won’t talk to me like that.”
- Do not sacrifice your interests for the sake of his wishes.
- Do not allow yourself to become an instrument for fulfilling his desires and satisfying his needs. If you don’t want something, don’t do it.
- Communicate with him on an equal footing, and even down.
And most importantly – do not let him humiliate you!