A person encounters negativity in his address repeatedly throughout his life. Sometimes it is true: if you do something bad to someone, even if unconsciously, the victim may experience a range of negative emotions towards the guilty person. And sometimes not: because someone slandered or for some similar reasons.

But it happens – it seems that everyone hates in general. Moreover, it is not always necessary to do or say something reprehensible for this. Sometimes listening to the wrong music or dressing differently is enough.

And you may not stand out at all. Hatred is directed not at a person personally, but at the group to which he belongs. Moreover, even if he does not share the ideas of this group and does not support the actions. For example, if he was an employee of the organization at the time when the management did something that is condemned in a decent society, he may become an object of hatred. On the one hand, his opinion was not taken into account. On the other hand, he may be considered an accomplice. And at the same time, he himself may feel guilty, even if he was not silent, but actively disagreed with what was happening.

But hate destroys. Therefore, it is important to understand what to do in this situation.

Make sure you really face the hate

There is a risk of drawing premature conclusions. You may feel like the whole world is against you. But that may not be the case at all.

Elena Masolova

Psychologist, gestalt therapist, author of the method of working with the family system using the genosociogram.

It is important to understand: if a person believes that they hate him, this is only his perception of the situation. We can only know for sure if we are told this. If there was no conversion, then these are our fantasies, not based on facts.

And even if only for this reason, it is somewhat presumptuous to consider that the whole world hates you specifically. Most of the world’s population is simply unaware of your existence. And even if we are talking about strong negative feelings towards some group of people, many quite successfully separate the instigators and hostages of what is happening. That is, they hate the group as a whole, but they don’t specifically hate you. And you can find out if you talk.

Elena Masolova

Psychologist, gestalt therapist, author of the method of working with the family system using the genosociogram.

In a situation where a person has spoken directly about his feeling of hatred, try asking him a question about what exactly in your behavior he hates, and ask him to give facts.

In this case, it will become clear to you what exactly in your actions caused him such feelings. This will relieve some of the emotional stress, because uncertainty and reticence gives us suffering, because we begin to think out ourselves. And our thoughts may differ from reality.

Work with guilt

Sometimes thoughts of universal hatred arise on the basis of the fact that a person considers himself responsible for what is happening, even if he really could not influence anything. At the same time, the feelings of others may not be so important. He thinks that everyone hates him, because how could it be otherwise: he is to blame. And here it is important to work with your feelings.

Elena Masolova

Psychologist, gestalt therapist, author of the method of working with the family system using the genosociogram.

Wine is of two types. The first is real guilt, when there is specific harm done to another person. And it can be redeemed: to apologize or, say, to serve a term – depending on the severity of the act. This is a healthy expression. The second type is far-fetched guilt, when there is no real damage. Suppose a person belongs to a certain group of people in whose name something bad is being done. It is not related to this action and does not support it.

To begin with, you need to realize at least this. And it becomes easier for many, and someone even stops feeling guilty. Same with shame. If the situation is not improving, then you should ask yourself the question: do I feel guilty about everything? For the fact that the child received a deuce at school, that the husband was rude to a neighbor, and so on. In this case, it is worth working with your sense of guilt for the whole world with a specialist.

It is important for people to understand that when they are overwhelmed by too strong feelings, this is always a reason to deal with themselves. A person with good reflection will not feel guilty for what he did not do.

Try to understand the other person’s feelings

Of course, the easiest way is to take a defensive position: “Oh, so! I’m not guilty of anything, and you hate me, so get it! But this is also not very constructive.

Irina Izvekova

Psychologist.

Conflict in relationships at any time, and especially now, can be truly devastating, or it can be a source of better understanding of yourself and the other. The exercise described below will help reduce the intensity of emotions in order to move on to understanding.

Irina Izvekova advises to do the following:

  1. Find a secluded place. You will need paper, a pen and 20-30 minutes of your time.
  2. Think about what exactly you are accused of? Give yourself time to remember specific words. Write it down briefly.
  3. Find something in common in everything you hear. What is the very essence, the core of the accusation?
  4. Now defend yourself, deny the accusations, and allow yourself to feel that you are not all to blame, there is something else untouched inside.
  5. After taking care of yourself, take another step towards a solution. Try to find in the core of the accusation a grain of truth, even a small one. It is enough to agree to only 1%.
  6. Write down your thoughts and feelings briefly. If you manage to find and recognize even a little, perhaps you will feel understanding and compassion for a different position and a different outlook on life. Notice even the smallest, slightest changes in your body, feelings, breath, and relationships after you accept a grain of truth.

The psychologist notes: “If you manage to sincerely, with respect for yourself, recognize the right of another to his point of view, the severity of interpersonal confrontation can begin to decrease at least for a while. The exercise can be repeated as needed. And remember, you’re okay if you don’t succeed.”

Another important point: consider the state of people who experience negativity, and in what conditions. If they are under a lot of stress, just give them the opportunity to experience any feelings. It’s hard for them now, they don’t have time to figure out whether all people wish them harm and how specifically you are to blame. When the situation changes for the better, then you will find out. In the meantime, you can sympathize with them and not take everything personally.

Protect yourself

According to Irina Izvekova, people who experience a feeling of hatred towards themselves may experience a huge security deficit, and this is a basic need of the psyche. In the absence of security, it is difficult or even impossible to be a creative, happy and productive person.

If absolutely unbearable, the expert advises to consider a few steps for self-help:

  • Physically cut off contact. Maybe it will be a temporary step, maybe not. The decision can be made later, after the decline of emotions. It is important to understand that physical care does not solve the psychological roots of the problem, but helps to protect oneself, to take a breather for awareness.
  • Support yourself emotionally, do not believe the accusing voices inside. Find at least one person in your close or distant environment, here or in the past, who treats you well in order to build on the positive experience of relationships where you are appreciated.
  • Find someone you can tell about what’s going on. The feeling of isolation and loneliness makes the situation more difficult. If there are no trusted persons in the environment, use helplines.

Live on

It is much more pleasant when everyone around you loves you. But when this is not the case, do not give up.

Elena Masolova

Psychologist, gestalt therapist, author of the method of working with the family system using the genosociogram.

If we are convinced that a person really hates us, and we understand why, then it is important to accept that we are not responsible for the feelings of others. People have the right to love us or hate us. And their feelings cannot influence our actions if they do not violate other people’s boundaries in any way. Otherwise, if we want everyone to love us, then we can very quickly betray ourselves and forever adapt to others.