Psychology is a rather young science. Her reckoning begins with the works Sigmund Freud. However, as early as the 4th century BC. e. the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle did what modern psychologists do now. He identified and described six types of love that we live by to this day. spoke with family psychologist Tatyana Sandetskaya about how, based on the knowledge of the past, help yourself build long-term relationships filled with trust, love and passion.
When meeting a person, both men and women try to show their best side. However, it is quite difficult to play someone else’s role, and gradually people open their masks, imperceptibly slipping into their usual behavior. If you are attentive enough to the manifestations of a partner, you can see his characteristic features. Based on the description of the six types of love, we can assume what awaits you with a specific person ahead, understand how ready you are for such a relationship, and decide on their continuation. This will at least save time and nerves, and at the most it will show what both partners can work on in order to come to perfect love.
Storge – Love-friendship
This is friendly love, in which partners easily tell each other about everything. Very often, this is exactly what women lack from their men. An understanding partner is very important if this is not the only quality of a person, because the task of a relationship is not only to talk.
There are couples who can say about themselves: “We have no secrets from each other.” It is tempting until the partners find out about all the partner’s skeletons, then they get bored of the fact that their chosen one has become like a book read a thousand times, and the relationship has become insipid. In such frank communication, it is important to constantly develop and have a zone of personal interests where you can grow on your own and realize your needs, without allowing a partner there. This will help keep it fresh.
Agape – sacrificial love
This is a story in which one sacrifices everything for the other. Very often a child is brought up by a single mother who broadcasts to him: “You must (-wife) take care of me.” Such a man or woman is very courteous. They need time to confess their love. They look after a partner, are ready to give the last, without demanding anything in return. On the one hand, such behavior can cause respect if the second one needs parental care and care. On the other hand, it can be repulsive and annoying. In couples where one of the partners shows unconditional sacrificial love, and the other accepts, there may be difficulties in the sexual sphere.
Ludus – Love Game
This type of relationship is more typical for men. The partner believes that sexual attraction is the best manifestation and confirmation of love. A man provokes a woman to have sex on the first date. He needs the here and now. If a woman offers to wait and get to know each other better, then the man is highly likely to be offended. He is not interested in what a woman is like as a person. If a woman avoids sex, then a man will end this relationship very quickly. As a rule, such men have several women, but a woman should not date several men. Relationships begin with passion, but when it subsides, both partners understand that there was nothing that connected them except for sex. Such a partner, as a rule, is selfish and satisfies only his desires. As soon as this stops happening, he easily breaks off the relationship.
Mania – Love-obsession
This connection is based on passion, play and jealousy. The most important thing is to assert yourself at the expense of your partner and increase your self-esteem. A person can be rude, humiliate or insult. A man or a woman always expects problems, if there are none, then they skillfully create them, finding fault with any partner’s behavior. This is an invitation to a codependent relationship. A person believes that he is a “gift” and should be loved for who he is, simply because he is there. Jealousy in a couple is a frequent companion, but the one who is jealous is afraid of losing not his beloved, but power over him. One in a pair is a savior, and the other is a subordinate, dependent, weak. The more helpless he is, the more he owes his benefactor. There is no other kind of communication in this story. The main game is catch-up. The more one partner has the desire to get closer to the other, the more he cools down. And vice versa, as soon as the second feels the indifference of the first, he immediately turns on and conquers the partner. The longevity of such a relationship depends on the willingness of both to play the game of moving in and out and the patience of constant devaluation and ignorance. Such a union can be eternal.
Pragma – Reasonable love
A person chooses a partner with whom it will be convenient. Love or good sex in this case does not matter and is not a reason to propose. During an acquaintance, it is easy to identify a person prone to this type of relationship by asking: what brand of car do you have, can you cook, what is your health? Before entering into closer communication, a person must understand who is in front of him and what he is. In such a union, everything is calculated to the smallest detail and there is no place for romance, passion and unforeseen moments. On a date with such a person, you may get the impression that you are being chosen like a product in a store, taking into account all the necessary characteristics. As long as they are present, you will be loved, once they are gone, love will end. If you need passion in a relationship, then this is not the right place. But for those who care about stability, you are here.
Eros – sensual love
First of all, it is based on devotion and only then on physical attraction. Here both partners show interest in each other as a person. Both support each other, talk, are interested in the feelings and desires of a partner. There is no self-affirmation at the expense of another. This love is the most comfortable for both partners and is highly likely to be long-term.
Forewarned is forearmed. By sincerely analyzing your behavior and the actions of your partner, you can understand exactly how your reality differs from expectations, and change your own actions. Relationships are not something that happens by itself, but something that two people create. To make it beautiful, it is necessary not only to dream, but also to make efforts, studying what is, and changing it for what you want, and not endlessly expecting a perfect man or woman.