What to do if a man cannot choose between you and another?

Love triangle, photoLove triangle, photo

Days, weeks, months pass, and he still thinks who is closer and dearer to him – you or she … Such a plot is good for the series, but you don’t want anyone to become a participant in real life. What to do if you landed in such a triangle? And most importantly, how not to lose yourself in the battle for love?

Return to yourself
Women who find themselves in this situation, as a rule, completely concentrate on the man. They torment themselves with questions: “What is happening in his soul, what is he thinking about?”, “When will he make a choice?”, “What are my chances of success and what should I do to increase them?”.

On the one hand, this position is understandable. But on the other hand, she drives them into a corner. Transferring the focus of attention to a man, a woman gives all control over the situation into his hands, and she herself dutifully waits for his decision. And even if she actively tries to tip the scales in her favor, the man still acts as a referee who determines which of the rivals is more worthy of the award.

That is why it is so important to regain at least some control. To do this, you need to convince yourself that you are not a dumb victim of circumstances, but an adult independent person who controls his life and is able to make his own decisions. In other words, you must shift the focus of attention from the man to yourself. To do this, answer honestly the following questions:

● “How do I feel about what is happening in my life?”, “What emotions do I experience?”, “Do they give me more joy or pain?”. It is important to understand that in your soul there is a place not only for resentment and anxiety, but also for indignation at what is happening.

● “What am I ready to put up with, and what not?”, “What can and cannot be done with me?”. For example, you will decide that you are able to turn a blind eye to your man’s regular sleepovers with another woman. But you are outraged that she calls you at home when you are with him.

● “How long can I live in uncertainty and wait for him to make a choice?” Here you must set yourself a specific deadline – a month, six months. This will give you confidence. Yes, you can give yourself and him delays. But if you want to change your life, don’t turn it into an endless series of Mondays that never come.

relationship with him
There are several mistakes that women often make.
1 Constantly asking a loved one how he feels trying to figure out what’s going on. However, sometimes a man himself shares his experiences with pleasure, habitually trying to get sympathy and support from his partner. It is very important not to get lost in his emotions. Remember that you have your own feelings. And if the emotional outpourings of a man hurt you, do not hesitate to tell him about it.

2 They take the blame for everything that happens. Yes, there must have been problems in your relationship. (And who doesn’t have them!) But of the many ways to respond to them, a man absolutely consciously chose the path of “bigamy”. And the responsibility for actions always lies with the one who committed them.

3 They allow a man to openly show disrespect to himself. Talking about how good your rival is at cooking or talking to her on the phone in front of you are all pretty humiliating. Why tolerate such an attitude? You have self-respect!

4 They try to learn as much as possible about their rival. You should not do this, because by thinking about this woman and competing with her, you give her a place in your life. Moreover, you blur the boundaries of your couple with a man by letting a stranger into it.

5 They don’t think about what will happen if they win. No wonder they say: the strongest we hold is not what we need, but what breaks out. Therefore, be sure to ask yourself: are you ready to spend your whole life with the person who caused you so much pain? Can you trust him?

6 They make rash decisions. Yes, waiting for a man to make a choice is unbearable. But don’t slam the door if you’re not really ready to break up. After all, then you, most likely, will be haunted by thoughts that you got excited. And if, after such a drastic step, you return to him, you will surely find yourself in an even more dependent position.

Life after the fight
What to do if a man prefers you another? Oddly enough, for many women, this outcome is simpler and clearer than the opposite. Yes, they are hurt and offended, but it is clear what will happen next. We must live, heal heart wounds and prepare for a new relationship.
But what to do if the beloved eventually chose you? How to learn to trust him again when he says that he is late at work or goes to friends? How to stop flinching when he gets a call from an unfamiliar or too familiar number? In such a situation, a woman either constantly breaks down, remembering the past for a man, or is so glad to be reunited that she swallows everything, afraid to frighten off her beloved. But in both cases, her pain and resentment did not disappear anywhere, but continue to poison the relationship.

How can you leave this painful history in the past and not let it ruin your present and future?
Firstly, don’t act like nothing happened. Lost trust is like a hard fracture – it will take a lot of time to recover. To speed up the recovery process, you need to clearly identify in which areas you now do not fully trust your man and what you can do to protect yourself. For example, while he was choosing who to be with, he hardly helped you raise your baby. Then agree on small but regular deductions from his salary to your account. If your rival was his colleague, ask the man to make an effort and change jobs. This will make you feel more relaxed.

Secondly, it is important to talk honestly, but without accusations, to each other about what happened. Discuss what you can do to prevent this from happening again. It is best to do this together with a family psychologist who will help you dot the “i” without quarrels.

Thirdly, it is necessary to “kill” the memories of the past difficult period with bright positive emotions. Going on vacation will help a lot – something like a honeymoon. By the way, if some things or events are poisoned for you by the presence of a rival, try to replay it. Let’s say she worked as an Italian teacher, and now you don’t want to eat pasta and pizza, not wanting to remember her once again. To correct this “skewness” before it becomes a fad, you need a pleasant experience associated with something Italian. For example, a trip to Rome or a few romantic dinners in an Italian restaurant. Then Italy will cease to be that woman’s territory and become your own.