“He doesn’t understand me.ist” “Heand allwhen you don’t agree with meitsya”, “I explainexplain— reaction zero«.
Familiar situation? Many of these problems arise in the family, at work, and sometimes with friends. It’s as if they’ve known each other for a long time and have already experienced a lot together, but it happens that the obvious for you causes an absolute misunderstanding in the interlocutor. And no matter how much you explain, what arguments you don’t give, the result is the same … What’s the catch?
ATwe are all different
As they say, there are no comrades for taste and color, but this is not the only thing. We humans all perceive and interpret the information we receive in very different ways. This is neither good nor bad – it’s a fact.
In psychology, it is customary to classify different types of perception according to the characteristics of the so-called “representational systems”, thanks to which our brain receives visual, auditory, verbal-conceptual, tactile, gustatory, olfactory and other information about the world around us. Depending on the priority channel of perception, there are four main types: visual, auditory, kinesthetic and digital.
As a rule, a person has one leading channel of perception. All others are auxiliary. But there are also mixed types of perception.
How does this manifest itself in practice?
The visual thinks with beautiful pictures, the auditory, on the contrary, perceives the world through the sounds around it, the kinesthetic lives with its sensations, and the digital trusts, for the most part, facts and figures.
Of course, this in no way means that the kinesthetic person does not see or hear anything around him, he simply trusts his feelings more. For the visual, the visible image is important, the auditory is very sensitive to words, intonations and sounds, and the digital cannot prove anything without a clear structuring and fact, confirmed by sources it trusts.
A little more about each type of perception:
If he or she, like Lewis Carroll’s Alice, exclaims, “What’s the use of books if they don’t have pretty pictures?” – you know, in front of you is a visual.
It is he who perceives information in pictures, loves to build detailed plans for his future, give out creative ideas, talk about events happening to him. He has a very highly developed imagination. He literally sees his idea, already embodied in his imagination, as other people see dreams.
Accordingly, if you need to convey some information that is important for you to the visual, you need to do it in his language, i.e. visualize. If you can’t draw a picture, find a photo on the Internet that describes your problem as closely as possible, and explain how it differs from the one in the picture, then he will understand. Videos, graphics, drawings, colorful presentations are all favorite visual tools. Aesthetics is very important to him. If you have to choose between comfort and beauty, their choice will definitely be on the side of beauty.
“Look to hear” is his basic rule, even when talking to you, he slightly lags behind in order to see you better. Eye contact, gestures, facial expressions, body language – this is something without which they do not perceive information or perceive it poorly. It is very difficult to deceive him, because when you lie, the body language still tells the truth, and the sensitive visual perceives this dissonance between your words and movements, and does not trust conflicting information.
A person who lives in the world of sounds, timbres, registers, melodies and rhythms.
For him, sound is important in all its nuances. Everything is important: the timbre of the voice, the rhythm of the conversation, semantic pauses, shades of intonation, semantic transitions, correct pronunciation and beauty of speech. He himself loves to talk and does it with rapture. He always follows the beauty and richness of his speech and appreciates this quality in others. When thinking, he often hums or speaks his thoughts aloud. Usually, audials are excellent speakers. And if he does not realize this skill in professional activities, then he loves to talk at home, with friends, acquaintances and strangers. And what is significant, it is really interesting to listen to him, he knows a lot, where he has been and seen a lot, and talks about it with rapture.
“To hear, one must not look” is the main thesis of auditory perception. When you need to convey something to him, speak in great detail, with all the details, lower the timbre of your voice, slow down and speed up the pace of speech, in especially important places – pauses and semantic stresses. Make sure he hears you well and understands how important this is to you. Don’t be afraid to ask about it, he will appreciate that you want him to hear you.
That’s who the man of action is. In his understanding, making plans for the future is like building castles in the air. What is really important for him is to feel for himself, to fully enter the situation, you need to get your own experience. And you must definitely try, touch, do it yourself.
Personal experience is the source of information for him. And yes, comfort is more important than beauty in his world. He can eat straight from the pan if it tastes good, wear the same clothes for several years if it is comfortable and he doesn’t care what someone smart said there, if it doesn’t confirm his personal experience.
Children are preschoolers, almost all of them are kinesthetic. Therefore, if you want him to accept praise, do not just say, “well done,” but also hug and pat him on the head. For him, this is not too much – just what you need, so he perceives your words at the level of bodily contact.
By the way, kinesthetic learners need to write down information in order to remember it, auditory learners need to say it out loud several times, but visual learners can simply read it.
“He would rather touch than look” – such is the reality, kinesthetics need to touch everything, touch it with their hands, taste it. Therefore, when trying to get something from him, refer to his previous experience, if you cannot let him touch, feel and try it personally.
Before you is a master of analysis, calculation and logical thinking. For him, the most important thing is meaning, functionality and expediency.
He perceives information through numbers, facts and sign systems. Interestingly, he thinks in words. And if for other types of perception, words are only a path to experience, its description, then for the digital, words are valuable in themselves, all his experience consists of words and an analysis of their meaning, combination and interpretation. He does not connect sensory channels of perception, for him words are carriers of experience.
“I understand how you feel right now” is a typical reaction for a digital. In its coordinate system, what is said is already real, why feel anything else? When speaking, he maintains a distant distance, almost always does not maintain eye contact, and generally appears distant. But in a stressful situation, he often shows over-rationality, and this allows him to cope with the unexpected or disturbing situation.
You have already noticed that different types of people, by and large, see, hear and feel the world around them differently – and these shades of perception can greatly change the overall picture of perception and complicate communication.
How can you learn to better understand people and be more understandable to them?
The same thought, but formulated differently, will be more understandable to people with different types of perception.
After hearing the music, the visual will call it “beautiful”, the auditory “melodic”, the digital “pleasant”, and the kinesthetic “exciting”.
Therefore, in order to understand how best to convey your thought or desire, determine how your partner perceives the information. Pay attention to how he looks, moves, maintains eye contact, what is his rate of speech, gestures, vocabulary.
Having determined, adjust to them and start broadcasting on their information channel. You will be surprised how easy it will be to convey your idea to the interlocutor, how easy it will be to convince him that you are right, and how easy it turns out to reach mutual understanding.
In addition, having mastered the channels of perception and transmission of information that are new for you, you will enrich your life with new colors, meanings and nuances that will make it fuller and richer.
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