In the previous article, we talked about male manipulation and figured out the key concepts. Now a logical question arises: how does a man turn into a manipulator and what to do about it? Let’s find out!
How did he become a manipulator?
There is a version that such behavior is formed by the mother’s attitude towards her son. Mother “disliked” or “overloved”. I fully agree with this when it comes to the “light” version and not quite when it comes to the “hard”. I believe that they are genetically predisposed to this, since the same woman can have one son of a manipulator, and the second one is not.
The second version says that such behavior may be based on trauma from relationships with a woman. Again, I agree only in part, because I believe that a man with a healthy psyche will forgive, let go and build his happy future.
In addition, I attribute the increase in the statistics of male manipulators to the active development of the pickup truck. Such seminars provide information about manipulation, but not everyone becomes a professional “player”. And we again come to the conclusion that a man with a healthy psyche will not spend years studying such tricks – he has something to do.
Therefore, as a result, everything comes down to an unhealthy psyche and a distorted perception of the world. And how it happened – no one can give a definite answer yet.
And do they get married?
Yes, they have children too. Basically they get married “on a flight”. The only question is what kind of relationship it is. In my practice, I have interacted with two victims of the same tormentor. His behavior was identical, the only difference was that the first suffered for six years and ran away with a child in her arms, and the second for a year and a half. Each of them, listening to his stories about the “bitch-ex”, was sure that she was different and would definitely heal him with “her love”.
Can this be changed or cured?
No. It’s not curable. The whole problem is that the manipulator of the “hard” version is convinced of his “normality”. And he thinks we’re abnormal. We seem to him weak and narrow-minded with our talk of “good and bad” and “right or wrong”, and since empathy and empathy are completely absent in the “hard” version, there is no feeling of guilt regarding the victim. On the contrary, he considers himself deeply offended and offended by such behavior. In his perception of the world, you are a decoration that should do what he needs.
What should I do?
Run. At the first sign of a “hard” version. Run before it’s too late. Because if you go through all the steps described above and turn into a humble and submissive one, over time the situation will worsen and most likely go to the level of physical violence. And then he will deal with a new victim, because the “smeared” one is no longer interesting. Or he will transfer you to the “always waiting” group, which has been waiting for years and has no right to anything. And he occasionally appears, in a break between others or when he was sent “away” by a woman with a strong (effective) value system, using your addiction to increase her self-esteem. This answer always leads to the next question.
What if I’m not submissive?
Your relationship will turn into a struggle, as a result of which he will still find a way to “smear” you or run away. The manipulator cannot be near an equal partner – he is uncomfortable, this puts him into a state of frustration. And since there is no feeling of guilt, compassion and sympathy in his actions, he will definitely find a way to finish off the victim. Any of our resistance causes him only one feeling – revenge. A common story of such “recalcitrants” is to quit during pregnancy, or kick out with a baby in her arms. Is it worth the risk? After all, in these relationships there will never be trust and respect.
We have kids, what should I do?
If there is confidence that the father of the child is a manipulator of the “hard” version, run immediately. Run not for yourself, but for the sake of the child! Because if this is a girl, then we teach her by our example that such behavior towards a woman must be tolerated, and if it is a boy, then he believes that a woman should be treated only in this way. In my practice, the most difficult cases are not female victims, but the children of the victims.
Am I to blame?
No. Their victims are always successful, smart, confident, beautiful. Blame yourself for thinking “I was robbed because I have money.” But we are to blame for the fact that “did not give him in the ass” at the first sign. There are only three reasons why we continued:
1. Criminal optimism.
We naively believe that this will not affect us.
2. Lack of understanding of the magnitude of the problem.
We believe “he will change” and give him a chance. It’s even scarier when we look for reasons in ourselves, because the gurus of positive thinking teach: if you change, he will change, you need to forgive. When we are in a constructive relationship with a person with a healthy psyche, this will work, but never with a hard manipulator.
3. Blurred concepts of relationships, ineffective value system, fears and subconsciously destructive programs.
This needs to be worked on. So that the next time you meet with such a “prince” to give him a kick in the ass at the first stage.
How to recover?
Find a specialist in manipulation and get advice.
In conclusion, I will say that the behavior of the “hard” version in psychiatry is indicated by the diagnosis of a reversed narcissist or psychopath. We do not take this problem seriously in society because of the romantic name “manipulator” and “manipulation”. And, if we called the manipulator “hard” – a psychopath, and manipulation – psychological violence, then there would be fewer victims in the world.
Author: Anna Boginskaya
How do you know if a man is manipulating you?
Why relationships with a man do not add up