An amicable divorce will save you both nerves and healthAn amicable divorce will save you both nerves and health

They quarreled, reconciled, made promises to improve, but the relationship still does not get better … Alas, it is not always possible to save a family. And if there is no longer any hope for this, at least let the divorce be painless. How to achieve this?

Control check

In psychology, there is the concept of global family dissatisfaction, when nothing in a relationship pleases and all areas of life together bring only disappointment. It is believed that this should be an indication for divorce. However, there is no need to rush. For example, the infatuation of one of the partners on the side sometimes gives the same effect of global dissatisfaction. Everything that happens in the family is annoying. “I want to run away from there,” the man says, and after a while, when the love passes, he thanks the higher powers that advised him not to get divorced. Another test can be considered a relationship “as strangers”. People do not quarrel, but communicate not as relatives, but as good acquaintances (“Will you take the child from the garden? No? Well, okay, I’ll ask my mother”). However, even in such a situation, metamorphoses are possible – after a divorce, love sometimes returns, but, as a rule, nothing can be corrected. In general, it is impossible to be sure of the correctness of the decision to divorce. You can only trust your intuition, wait for time and calmly accept the fact that you may later consider this a mistake. And get divorced.

Stay positive

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There are hardly any couples who part happily: objectively, divorce is not a pleasant event. After all, this is an indicator that something did not work out for you. However, a sense of “positive calmness” is essential. This is the only way to avoid enmity for the rest of your life, to preserve your health and nerves. With “positive calm” it is important to approach your partner. This can be achieved only by leaving all the experiences and grievances in the past. Try to stop talking and even thinking about the events that led up to the divorce as something painful and look at them as if they were things of the past. Talk about what happened, changing the wording: instead of “He perfectly understood that I felt offended, but tried to make it even more painful,” state the facts: he cheated, joked about his mother-in-law, etc. Then resentment, anger, jealousy will go away faster.

child question

He, of course, should be in the first place. It doesn’t matter how old the child is – even very young ones subconsciously feel changes in the family, worry, experience anxiety, blame themselves. The child needs information that is honest and easy to understand. The sooner he gets it, the better. “Why bother now? We’ll leave, then we’ll say, ”many parents argue. For children, this is much more stressful than if they knew everything in advance. Children consider themselves part of the family in all situations, do not divide them, as adults, into common ones and those that are “not for children”. However, immersing the child in their disassembly is also not good. Divorce for him is a fait accompli, which we will cope with and we will move on in life. And of course, you can not move away from the upbringing of the father. In the children’s issue, it is worth going towards each other as much as possible – this is the only way to take care of the future of the child.

Calmly and planned

The division of property, the conversation about alimony should be carried out with The division of property, the conversation about alimony should be carried out with

Divorce needs to be taken seriously. Make a plan, think through the difficult moments of the conversation. Firstly, it will save a lot of time, effort and nerves. Secondly, it will allow you to maintain good relations with many people. Meetings with each other, with lawyers, realtors, if the housing issue is being resolved, nothing should be forgotten. And of course, you need to prepare relatives. There should also be a plan with regard to the range of issues to be resolved. A common mistake is focusing on a partner. “I’ll crush him and the whole family, I’ll even sue what I don’t need” – with such slogans it’s easy to forget about your own needs. In addition, aggressive behavior causes a response, mutual claims continue for so long that then there is no strength left for a new life.

Text: Svetlana Ievleva Photo: aastock/Shutterstock/TASS; CFA “Burda”

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