In the world there are at least a million texts on the topic “What to do if a woman earns more than a man.” And in each of them, advice is given in different languages on how to be so as not to hurt the fragile male ego.
Such articles are always aimed at women, who, it seems, should be ashamed that their work is in demand, that their work is no less serious than that of a man, and they are moving from the role of “decoration” in a team and with their husband to the status of a valuable employee .
The heroine of such a text, in addition to work, must also:
- pretend that her success is an accident so as not to offend her partner;
- to make amends by tripling efforts to maintain household life in order to show that she serves the family enough, does not act to her detriment;
- throw all your strength into strengthening the husband’s ego in areas that do not concern money;
- to inspire the spouse to earn more and “do not sit on the neck” (as an option – “do not become his mother”);
- eventually quit high-paying jobs because you have to stick to gender roles.
The high salary of a woman is always presented as a problem, although there is no problem. The answer to the question “What if the wife earns more than her husband?” one: rejoice. And there are many reasons for this.
Why is it good for a man
1. Next to you is a very smart and purposeful woman.
Employers prefer hire men, so women are forced agree for lower wages.
So if your wife got a good position with a high salary, this indicates that she is a really cool specialist – judging by the statistics, perhaps better than male competitors applying for the same vacancy.
2. Wife next to you not because of money
Obviously, if a spouse can provide for herself, then she is not with you because she will starve to death without you. Do not rush to rejoice, perhaps your marriage is strengthened by harmful stereotypes like “let it be inferior, but mine” or “who needs me now, I’m not 18.” Or you are a really good person, this often happens.
3. If you lose your job, the world won’t collapse.
When one person brings money to a family, its economic well-being is unstable. If you lose your job, it will take some time to find a new job. And disability will lead to long-term financial problems, especially in the absence of insurance.
If both earn well, force majeure will worsen the financial situation in the family, but will not lead to disaster.
4. You don’t have to be responsible for everything.
Being the only breadwinner in the family is stressful, as losing a job or a domestic injury will leave you not only without money. The high salary of the wife allows you to redistribute this burden from two shoulders to four, and so it becomes much easier.
5. You have more opportunities for self-realization
Equal rights entail equal responsibilities. It is considered normal when a man provides for his family, and a woman “looks for herself” for some time, for example, goes to courses and trainings. This works both ways.
True, this is not always possible precisely because of the gender difference in income: a family can live on your salary, but not very much on your wife’s income. If your woman receives more than you, there are no such obstacles, improve as much as you like.
6. You get expensive gifts too.
Men are often outraged that they give a smartphone, and in return they receive conditional socks. And they miss the fact that a woman often has nothing to save money for the purchase of reciprocal gadgets. You will hardly feel slighted by finding a PlayStation under the tree instead of shaving gel.
7. You have an incentive to develop and a reason to be proud
When talking about salaries, it inevitably comes to competition and dominance in a pair. Maybe it’s time to stop treating family life as a competition? From the fact that you constantly pull the blanket over yourself and want your opinion to be decisive, even if it is wrong, no one wins.
When someone nearby improves and wins new victories, this is a great incentive to develop too, to grow together. In the end, the fruits of your joint work benefit both of you, and an increasing family budget is usually good.
If you want to suppress your partner at any cost, it may be better for you to go not to the registry office, but to a psychologist.
In addition, the wife’s large incomes do not have to be bashfully hidden, and you can brag about it. Perhaps the phrase “wife earns more than me” in a male company will cause ridicule. Just add “and more of you” to it, and everything changes. Who’s on horseback now?
Why is it good for a woman
1. You are definitely a very smart and driven woman.
The path to a well-paid job for a woman is still not as easy as it seems. Despite optimistic reports is leader in terms of the number of women leaders, in reality everything is a little different than on paper.
The statistics are greatly improved by the chief accountants. The position is considered to be typically female and at the same time “execution”: an accountant can fall under a criminal article and answer with personal property for the dubious activities of the company, even if he did not know about it or could not influence what was happening.
Add to the list of school directors, heads of kindergartens and heads of PR departments, and the list of top managers among women will turn out to be really extensive. However, when it comes to profitable areas, they are not very welcome there. For example, 52% female leaders in IT face gender prejudice (statistics and there is no reason to believe that everything is betterin world – on the contrary).
In a word, if you earn a lot, you are very cool, this is a reason for pride, not shame.
2. It’s easier for you to keep yourself and your children safe
Economic violence is a common way to control a woman and one of the abuser’s tools. He will persuade his wife to leave work or change her to a low-paid one under various pretexts – from taking care of her to persuading her that her high salary humiliates his manhood. As a result, the victim finds herself in a situation where she has no means of subsistence at all, she becomes addicted.
A frequent companion here is reproductive violence, when the abuser forces his wife to give birth to a child. In this case, the woman is already responsible for two or more lives, she cannot leave and is forced to endure any attitude towards her, up to physical violence. With a high income, it’s easier for you to walk away from the person who makes your life miserable.
3. You do not need to ask for money “for pantyhose”
In rampant patriarchal fantasies, men shower banknotes on their hearth keepers, who spend them relentlessly on their needs. In the harsh reality, not everyone manages to meet a millionaire who does not count money. Most men (and especially women) earn very modestly.
As a result, the income of two working adults is not always enough to ensure a normal existence for the family. In this scenario, unnecessary expenses really have to be justified, even if you take out bills from your wallet.
A high income allows you to more freely manage money and not feel remorse for every penny spent.
4. The world will not collapse if the husband loses his job.
If your spouse is fired, you just continue to live in peace: you will have something to buy groceries with, how to pay utility bills and what to fill your car with. This state of affairs will save you a lot of nerve cells.
5. In the event of a divorce or the death of a spouse, you will not stay on the street
Low income or no income in a difficult situation can lead to great difficulties. If you earn well, you will be able to provide yourself and your children with housing, food, and clothing. Money will help you create a safe space in which it is much easier to experience emotional shock (and you cannot do without it in such situations).
6. You can claim a better quality of life
The joke that “if there are three cakes in the refrigerator of a family of four, then mom definitely doesn’t want sweets” is not a joke at all. Women often save on themselves if they can spend money on children and a husband. A stable high income allows you to spend more money on health, quality food, massage and a beautician. As a result, you feel rested, more energetic and happy.
7. You set a good example for your children.
You can persuade children to study well in order to achieve more. But when they see their mother’s red diploma and the size of her salary, they will draw conclusions. A smart, ambitious mom is a great example, as is dad.
What does it mean
If one of the spouses earns a lot, it is good in any case, and it does not matter what gender he is. Maybe not happiness in money, but it is they who help create a safe space and improve the quality of life of the whole family.
If you see the problem in the fact that a woman earns more than a man, then the problem is not at all in the salary. It could be:
1. Gender role mismatch
Yes, in my head, like twice two makes four, it pops up that a man is a breadwinner, and a woman is a keeper of the hearth. But gender roles are a social construct. In addition, if we turn to the past, while the men hunted the mammoth, the women were gathering. Guess who came home with loot more often?
2. Feeling unfair
The idea that a wife earns more than her husband can be hard to come to terms with because of the stereotype that a woman cannot work as efficiently as a man. It seems that she takes someone’s place (perhaps yours), got into the position in an incomprehensible way and does nothing at all, only receives a salary.
But this is not true. There are no significant differences in the structure of the male and female brain. Moreover, scientists have refuted the main argument of men who do not want to see women in leadership roles: fluctuations in hormones during the menstrual cycle. do not affect for cognitive activity. Therefore, nothing prevents the ladies from successfully coping with their duties and effectively managing the team.
3. Loss of control levers
Money means power. Not everyone has the strength and talent to influence something global, so they try to declare tyranny within the family, or at least get the illusion of control. To this point, one can add the suspicion of competition as an attempt to take the reins of government.
4. Failed expectations
The husband does not care how much his wife earns, but he expected that she would fully serve him in everyday life. The wife does not care how much her husband earns, but she works the same 8 hours and expects that he will take on half of the household duties. He accuses her of careerism, she accuses him of being useless. Quarrels do not stop, but only where does the salary.
Therefore, if you are seriously worried about the size of a woman’s salary and you can’t rejoice, this issue should be resolved by a psychologist.