You can listen to a short version of the article. If it’s more convenient for you, turn on the podcast.

Sexism is prejudice against people based on gender. It is built on beliefs about the natural destiny of men and women. Everyone can face it, but systemically suffer from it recent, because they are assigned a subordinate position in the hierarchy “by nature”. Which leads to neglect and even to violence. Therefore, it is better for a woman to discern a sexist in advance, although this is not so simple.

After all, everyone is brave only on the Internet, but in life, few dare to come up and say: “I consider you a second-class person, but you have to help me at work / go on a date with me / do me a favor.” Some people may be sexist, but they are definitely not stupid. Therefore, they know how to hide their views as long as it is beneficial for them to use you.

But there are several signs that clearly show that a person is a sexist.

1. A person relies on gender stereotypes

Of course, if someone says that a woman’s place is in the kitchen, and he will decide everything simply on the basis that he is a man, everything is obvious. But it can also be more subtle.

For example, you meet and live apart. Everyone copes with the life with their own hands or with the help of hired workers. But as soon as you move in, the man silently withdraws from all household chores without any discussion. He believes that the whole life by default falls on you.

Or, let’s say, a big company is going to someone’s house. The hosts set the table, the guests offer to help them. But the sexist will not participate in this. Not because he’s lazy. It just doesn’t occur to him to do kitchen chores, as long as there are “special people” for this who should do it “by nature”.

Or on the road, such a person honks a car that cuts him off and shouts that a woman is probably driving. Or in the building materials store, he ignores the female consultant and looks for a man. Or she tries to guess the profession of a woman she accidentally met on the train, and when she asks if she is a manager, she categorically declares: “No-no-no!”

All this, of course, is sexism, because a person associates his expectations from others solely with gender and does not take into account their real skills, knowledge, behavior, and so on.

2. He’s surprised if you don’t conform to gender stereotypes.

A sexist is not necessarily going to take offense if you don’t do what he thinks a woman should do. If you drive like a goddess, go to a carpentry shop on weekends, and win a spearfishing championship, he might even admire it.

In his picture of the world there is a clear idea of ​​what a man should do, what a woman should do. It seems to him that since childhood, the boy’s hands have been formed under a screwdriver, and the girl’s hands have been formed under a rag. That these are very similar hands, which can do almost anything, does not occur to him.

At the same time, a sexist usually believes that if a man has taken up conditionally female affairs, then he has condescended. Because anyone can handle it. If a woman is successful in a conditionally male business, then she is cool – almost like a man. So his admiration is most likely sincere. Another question is whether it suits you.

3. The man praises you by comparing you to other women.

There are some compliments that baffle. For example, when someone kind of praises you, but at the same time highlights not your qualities, but your differences from some social group.

A sexist will compare you to other members of your gender and say things like, “Wow, cool, you understand physics. Unusual for a woman!”, “For the first time I meet a woman who likes to play GTA 5, you are so cool.” Or, on the contrary, he will praise you for the fact that you match your gender role better than others: “What kind of borscht, not like my ex”, “It’s good that you don’t like clubs. And now everyone is so depraved. But you’re not like that, you’re great!

Of course, you are super, but by yourself, and not because you correspond to gender stereotypes or refute them.

4. He complains about “tolerance”

Discrimination and belief in stereotypes usually come in a package. Because if a person has already undertaken to divide people into groups according to signs that are not dependent on them, and then attribute certain behavior to them, then he is unlikely to stop at one.

5. He decides for you

At one time, the meme “I’m a girl. I don’t want to decide anything, I want a dress.” And it cannot be said that this is a myth. Perhaps, a person of any gender periodically finds himself in a state where he does not want to decide anything. He would gladly have preferred to shift this burden onto someone else’s shoulders. But only for the savior to act in his best interest, of course.

But life is hard. And even the people who love us and care for us, speaking on our behalf, often do not make the same choice that we ourselves would make. Sometimes a loved one over and over again brings the wrong cookie from the store, to say nothing of more significant things.

But the sexist considers himself entitled to decide any issues for you, without consulting. After all, he is sure that you yourself can not handle it. Or demonstrates power in such a way as to emphasize that it occupies a higher place in a certain hierarchy. But if your opinion is not taken into account at all, this is a wake-up call.

6. A man comments on a woman’s appearance

Let’s agree right away that it’s normal to have your own tastes in matters of appearance. If someone loves skinny brunettes with nose piercings and freckles, that’s his right. But that doesn’t mean he can insult curvy blondes.

It is common for sexists to evaluate the female appearance in a rather boorish manner. They view women as objects whose purpose is to be attractive to men. For him in particular. Therefore, he will give girls points for beauty – divided into “confident nines” and “weak fives”. And also to say what it would be nice for them to do with themselves in order to better suit his taste and so on. The sexist sincerely believes that the girl should drop everything and “fix” herself so that he is pleased.

7. He devalues ​​women’s accomplishments.

If a woman has taken a high position, then she sleeps with someone. If she made a scientific discovery, then she had a good leader. If he drives an expensive car, then, of course, he pumped.

When a sexist meets a successful girl, he goes two ways. Or devalues ​​achievements, as in the example above. Or she is trying to convince herself that she is simply not a very good woman: terrible, unhappy in her personal life (she did not fulfill her main female destiny!) And he would never look at her. And we remember that the most important thing for a girl in the eyes of a sexist is to please him. Next to this, any Nobel Prize pales.

8. He uses diminutive suffixes when talking to women.

Close people as soon as each other do not call. It’s okay if everyone is happy with everything.

But there are still situations when a casual acquaintance, a waitress or a business partner immediately becomes “Olenka” or “Masha”. At the same time, it is difficult to imagine that the same person would call a client or a consultant in a store “Kolenka” or “Petenka”.

9. Man boasts about the number of women

For a sexist, women are trophies, for which he is ready to work hard: to deceive, manipulate, ingratiate himself. He needs this to confirm his own significance. What the girls feel at the same time, it doesn’t matter to him – who cares at all.

But there is a nuance. People of either gender may well have any number of connections. They just liked each other without any tricks, spent the night together and parted. But in this scheme there is no winner, only winners. What is there to brag about? Therefore, it is not the number of partners that matters, but the attitude towards them.

10. He considers women as enemies

In the system of coordinates of a sexist, there is no such thing at all that the relationship between a man and a woman can be a partnership. Partnership is for equals. In his opinion, a man and a woman are a resource for each other, and the one who uses the other more profitably will win. Therefore, he sincerely believes that the girls want to take something away from him – money, freedom, and so on.

Such a person is easy to recognize. It is he who will receive a small salary and live with his parents, but at the same time tell everyone how mercantile women are and how they encroach on his wealth. It is he who believes that the dream of any girl is to give birth to a child from him, so that later she can show off on alimony in 25% of this very salary.

However, when in contact with a particular girl, he will not necessarily attack or defend openly. Its goal is to get a resource. Therefore, his attitude will be manifested in complaints and “instructive” stories about how she should not do it.

Commercialism tests are also possible. For example, such a person can take a girl on a date at -40 ° C for a walk in the park to see if the chosen one is satisfied with this. If she offers to go into the heat and drink tea – which was required to be proved: prudent!

Fortunately, the enemy mood is usually very easy to read.