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For many, first dates cause conflicting feelings: excitement, nervousness, or even fear. We often get frustrated with dating because we want a real relationship, but end up spending a lot of time with people who aren’t the right fit for us. It is difficult to persuade yourself to continue the difficult search for a couple when you do not get the desired results. However, there are several surefire ways to understand at the first meeting that a person is not right for you. Just pay attention to the following behavior.
1. Disrespect for personal boundaries
Pay close attention to how the person reacts when they don’t get what they want. Or when you say you like something that he doesn’t like. The attitude towards personal boundaries is very revealing and makes it clear whether a potential partner shows respect for you or does it in his own way, without worrying about your feelings.
Here are some examples of disrespect that can be seen on the first date:
- You say you don’t want to eat or drink, but your date or companion still orders you something.
- You say that it’s time for you to go home because you have to get up early tomorrow, but you are still persuaded to stay.
- You say you don’t feel comfortable kissing or hugging, and the person gets angry and makes you feel guilty about setting boundaries.
2. Rudeness and unflattering comments about others
It doesn’t matter how kind the person is to you. If he is rude to others, this is a bad sign. If your boyfriend or girlfriend complains about the service at a restaurant, says he doesn’t want to leave a tip, and is rude to the waiter, chances are he or she treats everyone in his or her life that way. And you are unlikely to be an exception.
Pay attention to how the interlocutor or interlocutor speaks about people. Perhaps he talks nasty things about his friends behind his back. Or claims that everyone around is idiots. If a person cannot find a common language with anyone, most likely the problem is in the person himself, and not in others.
3. Unpleasant words about an ex-partner
Talking about past relationships is generally not the best idea for a first date. But if you still touched on this topic and hear how the former partner is called “crazy” or they talk about him in a pejorative way, this shows that the author of such statements is hardly capable of being held responsible for his actions.
4. Inadequate response to questions
If you ask logical questions but get no answers or face judgment, be careful. You can learn a lot by asking what a person expects from a date. This is a direct question that is easy to answer honestly. The most unfortunate and alarming answers will be:
- Why are you asking me this? I dont know.
- Let’s see what happens.
- You are hurring to much.
Such a reaction shows that a person condemns you for the simplest questions, which means that you are not on your way.
5. Increased attention to the phone
If a person is constantly distracted by non-urgent calls or checking messages, then he is completely indifferent to your feelings. There is a chance that he will never be able to fully focus on you and your date.
6. Talking solely about yourself
Observe the course of communication: is the interlocutor or interlocutor talking to you or conducting a monologue? In the second case, the person will talk exclusively about himself, without asking you any questions and without giving you the opportunity to insert a single word. It’s like he or she doesn’t care if you’re on the date or not. And with such an attitude, it is very difficult to form an emotional connection.
A real conversation is like ping pong: one participant asks, the other answers, and then asks his question. That is the kind of communication you should strive for.
7. Swiftness in the development of events
When the interlocutor or interlocutor begins to talk in detail about the future – what the two of you will do, where you will go and what trips you will go on, at first it may seem cute. But it is worth considering that this person does not know you at all yet. And thinking about a future together can be so exciting or cause a false sense of security that you miss other dangerous signals.
8. Dubious compliments
Sometimes other people say something that makes you wonder: did you just get a compliment or were you insulted? Many do this on purpose to make the other doubt themselves and crave the approval of others.
Here are some examples of such “compliments”:
- You look good for your age.
- You’re cute, but you’d be better off without a beard.
- I don’t usually like bbws, but you’re attractive.
9. Talk about sex
Of course, someday this topic will need to be discussed, but if it comes up on the first date, this is not the best sign. And it’s not about delicacy. The problem is different: a person starts a conversation about sex, although he does not yet know how comfortable you are to discuss it. If someone cares about you and he or she really wants to get to know you, he or she will not talk about intimacy at the first meeting.
10. Neglect of safety issues
Imagine that you are invited to walk at night in a sparsely populated place. You refuse because you are worried about your safety. And the person in response begins to get annoyed and calls your fears exaggerated. In such a situation, it is worth considering whether you need such a partner. It is unlikely that he will respect your other needs in a relationship.