1. Dissolve into each other
Angler fish in the process of reproduction literally grow together into one whole. For many, this is exactly what an ideal relationship looks like: partners should spend all the time together, have only common interests, be everything to each other.
The fact that people are together does not mean that they have one life for two and they must give up everything that exists apart from relationships. Each of the couple previously had their own goals, dreams and hobbies that shaped their personality. Harmonious relationships only add new colors to life, and do not force you to sacrifice what was expensive.
2. Make up through sex
Sex after a quarrel is considered very intense, and there is scientific evidence for this. Conflict can be perceived as a threat to the relationship. And this feeling includes a kind of defense mechanism that motivates to restore a sense of closeness and security through sex. That is, the partners are especially excited, and even transform the strong emotions provoked by the conflict into sexual desire. It is no coincidence that sex after a quarrel is somehow mentioned in many films and TV shows.
But in the long run, such intimacy may not have very good consequences. No wonder in English he sometimes called make‑up sex – make-up, or masking. There is nothing wrong with sex itself, problems begin when it is used not in addition, but instead of verbal reconciliation. After all, the problem, because of which the quarrel took place, does not disappear anywhere, and it still needs to be discussed.
In addition, there is a risk that one of the partners will begin to deliberately provoke quarrels for the sake of sex after them.
3. Endure, so as not to offend
It seems that every second toast at weddings ends with the words “and most importantly – patience.” Many perceive this as a guarantee of a good relationship and endure inconvenience. But this cannot continue for a long time, sooner or later the dam of patience will break through and discontent will pour over the partner. But he may not even know that the other is playing the hero.
Let’s say a girl brings breakfast to a guy in bed on the weekend, but he doesn’t want to eat in bed. He wants to empty his bladder, brush his teeth and that after waking up for 10 minutes no one will touch him. But he appreciates the care and does not want to offend his beloved, and therefore every weekend, in a state of complete discomfort, he chews what she brought, gets angry, and then breaks down because of some trifle. It seems that both want to please each other, but in the end, no one is pleased.
Understanding your emotions and being able to label them, talking to each other is much more important than enduring, and also much more productive.
4. Take care of each other
Any romantic public on social networks is bursting with vanilla quotes about how a guy made a girl wear a hat. And “forced” is the key word here, implying sanctions up to and including assault. And in the comments, hundreds of people write: “What love!”
The example, of course, is exaggerated, but people sometimes go too far in an attempt to “do good” to their loved ones. When partners take care of each other, it’s great. But do not forget that adult equal people live together. No one has adopted or adopted anyone, and therefore everyone is able to figure out what to eat, what time to go to bed and whether to wear a hat.
5. Compensate for the consequences of a quarrel with gifts
And once again, let’s dive into the world of social networks and romantic comedies that make it clear that whatever you do, you can always compensate for it with expensive gifts or beautiful gestures. There was a conflict, but a bouquet of 100 roses or borscht was used – and there is no conflict.
All this looks impressive from the outside, but it has nothing to do with solving problems that cause partners to quarrel, because the contradictions do not go away. But in this way an unhealthy pattern of behavior can develop, when one partner behaves as he wants and then simply “pays off”, and the second one provokes conflicts for the sake of wide gestures and attention.
6. Use lack of sex as punishment
In sitcoms and jokes, a situation is often the subject of jokes when a man does something wrong, and a woman refuses to have sex with him. Moreover, it voices the term, which depends on the scale of the offense. It would seem that this plot moved to the humorous genre, because it ceased to occur in life. But no, the forums are actively discussing how effective this method is. Moreover, both men and women practice it.
But sex is a process in which two people are involved. They both want it and both enjoy it. And when sex is used as a means of “training”, it turns out that only one person is interested in it. With this feeling, it is unpleasant to go to bed even in conflict-free times.
7. Keep score
It is assumed that people should invest approximately equally in relationships. But sometimes partners are too careful to ensure that the “contributions” are the same. One gives a gift, so the other should too. If someone forgot about the partner’s request, he will receive an answer – his desire will also be ignored. Everything seems to be fair. But we are still talking about romantic relationships, not market ones.
In a harmonious union, everyone wants to do better for themselves and their partner. It is not necessary to settle scores here.
8. Consider jealousy as a manifestation of love.
Folk wisdom says: “Jealous means love.” If a person does not track every SMS with a possessive look, does not forbid communicating with people of the opposite sex, then he is not very keen on his partner. In such a case, sometimes it is even advised to specifically adjust the situation so that he or she becomes worried: let him understand that he can lose forever! On the other hand, folk wisdom also says that hitting means love, so it’s not really worth trusting her in matters of relationships.
Jealousy is a painful feeling that makes a person doubt himself and his partner, feel vulnerable, suffer. Everyone encounters it from time to time. And worrying about the fact that the partner does not suffer enough is clearly not worth it. It has little to do with the power of love.
9. “Help” your partner become better
Some build relationships according to the method of Papa Carlo: they find a person who is not suitable for themselves and try to cut Pinocchio out of him. Someone hopes to change a partner with love, someone with pressure, which is even worse. Naturally, all this is done ostensibly from the best intentions. A little effort – and the beloved will become more beautiful and cheerful, and even smarter and more promising.
And then it’s time to remember that the partners in the relationship are on an equal footing. And in general, one has no right to insist that the other change. You can talk to him about what does not suit you, ask him to behave differently. But no one is obliged, for example, to change worn-out sneakers for dress shoes, because the second half likes it that way. And if you start threatening, manipulating and throwing out unwanted shoes secretly, then this is no help at all, but violence.
10. Change so that your partner loves you more.
The phenomenon described in the previous paragraph also has a downside. Sometimes people are so eager to comply with the desires of a partner that they try to transform themselves by breaking their knees. Nothing good comes of this, of course. Because you need to change for yourself, and not for the sake of a partner. Otherwise, it can lead to a decrease in self-esteem, internal conflicts and even depression.