Most women between the ages of 15 and 45 live in the hope of the Meeting. After 45, they also live and also hope, but not so confident and flashy, rather bashful and timid. To meet the Man of Her Dreams. Young, beautiful, rich. But or not very young, the hopes of 45-year-olds are more realistic, but actively rejuvenating. To tan, toned belly, stylish haircut, beautician. Of course, in anticipation of this very Meeting, they do not sit by the window and do not embroider a portrait of their beloved. Still, it’s the 21st century, not the 18th. Women study, work, have hobbies. And they even meet different men on the way. And even start a relationship with them. They get married. But not in order to live, but in order to dream “He or not He?” or “That’s when I’ll meet Him.”
What will happen next when the long-awaited meeting takes place? Here dreams break off, but because of the nightingale look, you understand that there will be something amazing and magical. Milk rivers and muslin banks. And, most importantly, do not work. Yes, women study, work, build careers and businesses, while dreaming of everyone sitting at home, acquiring cookbooks and spending months choosing sofa upholstery to match the color of the new wall – warm vanilla.
And these dreams are generously encouraged by mass culture. A wonderful film based on a true story, a real woman, Erin Brockovich, passed on the screens almost unnoticed. Because in it the main character builds a career. Having two divorces and three children behind him. Apparently, at 15, she also dreamed of the Prince and even thought that she had found him. Only by the age of 25 it turned out that there were no princes, and you need to build your own fairy tale on your own.
But here’s the story of Bridget Jones came out on the screens for the third part. Bridget herself is not a very young, boring woman working at a boring job, being overweight. At the same time, she behaves like a teenager and also dreams of the Man of Her Dreams. He doesn’t do anything with himself – he doesn’t lose weight, he doesn’t look for an interesting job, he doesn’t learn how to behave – he just whines and dreams. And meets. First the handsome boss, then Mr Darcy. Also handsome. And even in the third part, when Bridget herself is already more like a grandmother, she dreams again and meets again. And again handsome men – a charming millionaire and a famous lawyer from the past. So much so that she does not know from whom she is pregnant. And women believe in this beautiful fairy tale, although in real life, the men shown in all three parts of the film would bypass the heroine on the 10th road
Why am I? Moreover, the idea of an independent and self-sufficient woman in our society is unpopular. Even those who are independent and self-sufficient make excuses, “That’s me until I met Him.” As in the 18th century, the passive position “when I get married and will be for my husband” rules.
The illusion “a man will come and decide everything” is reinforced by the illusion that you don’t need to do anything at all, you just have to sit and wait. Well, except that embroidery can be replaced with self-improvement. What did you think? English courses, management or startup? No, to do something else to be as beautiful as possible for the meeting? Or better – to be fat like Bridget (well, what are you, not fat, natural), with a cigarette on her lip – an image of a boorish woman from a tram. But your rich handsome man will still find you and love you.
One foreigner somehow asked me in bewilderment why all the Ukrainian women with whom he spoke did not want to work. Even those who are successful. Yes, because they are waiting for a man to come and take on all the problems of obtaining money and daily bread, and she, as in the 18th century, will sit by the window and embroider. Isn’t that why beadwork is so popular now? The ladies are training.
Only in the 18th century did a woman have no other chances or other opportunities. She was not considered at all without a man. Sitting at home, taking care of her husband and raising children – kitchen, kinder, church.
But we are not in the 18th century, we are in the 21st. There are definitely opportunities. Learn, create yourself, work. Become a person and consider a man who is nearby as a person. And not like a fence to which ivy clings and twines. So that there are no stories “I’m waiting for Him”, and then “He left me, my life is over.” Learn, develop, work. Because it’s interesting. And not because you don’t have a man yet. And even when He comes, the Man of Your Dreams, but rather an ordinary man will come, because you are an ordinary woman, study, work and develop with him. Because it’s interesting. A passionate woman attracts and captivates. Unless, of course, she is passionate about something else besides beadwork. And only ill-bred fat ladies like Bridget are not interesting to anyone.