A woman’s behavior is a litmus test of a man’s attitude towards her. When I was younger, I had a serious relationship, as it seemed to me then …

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We lived together, ran the household together, shared life. They made plans. From the outside it looked like we were a family. Yes, I thought so too. One problem – more and more often I noticed that I was becoming hysterical. Formally, everything was fine: the man did not drink, did not smoke, went in for sports, was practical and economic in terms of where it is better to buy and what is the best way to do it. He introduced me to his friends. Called to let me know if I was late. But with all the formal observance of the rules, I did not leave the feeling that I was being ignored. He never coordinated his plans with me, he only informed me, did not ask what I would like, but did his own, if I voiced my “I wanted”, said “yeah” and still did my own.

At first I thought it was because we didn’t know each other enough. We just moved in together, just started to get to know each other, and it takes time to combine two different organisms in the same territory and in the same form. In addition, I firmly believed that another person cannot recognize you until you help him in this, you do not voice your desires, talk about feelings and explain actions. And I helped, in the format of “I-messages” I conveyed to the man everything that, as it seemed to me, could make our life together more comfortable. And I tried to speak – calmly, politely. Picking the right moment. I tried to write, choosing the words as correctly as possible. The man said “yeah” or wrote “yes, but …”, and nothing changed in our life. Very quickly, I started screaming. Then get offended and angry. And also complain to your girlfriends about the endless “it didn’t work out here”, “it didn’t work out there”.

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From a cheerful, cheerful, interesting girl, I turned into an eternally dissatisfied vixen who spent days in showdowns or claims

And I even began to think that something was wrong with me, maybe I want a lot from a man, maybe I’m wrong, I don’t understand him, maybe I need to try on his “skin” more often. So I would end up in a neurosis clinic if one day my friend didn’t say that an important criterion for the quality of a relationship for her is whether she likes herself next to this man.

I realized that next to this man I don’t like myself categorically

He does not hear me, not because I do not express myself clearly enough or speak quietly, but because, in principle, he does not want to hear me. Whatever form of messages I choose, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about my wishes. So, it is pointless to try to convey them. Otherwise, everything is perceived by them simply as a brain drain.

I changed my man. And with it a look at the relationship

If suddenly you start behaving with a man in a way that you have never behaved, and this “never” means bad: you become a brawler, whiny, angry, depressed, hysterical, irritable, then you feel bad with this man, he does not give you anything something important, no matter how good it looks from the outside.

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In a relationship, it’s important to talk about your needs. And to be heard, especially if it is said without accusations, without fawning and without “you”. If a person, like a ball, beats off “I feel bad” coming from another person, what kind of relationship is this? The main thing is that “bad” or “I want” be feasible in principle and for this partner in particular. It’s silly to say, “I want to spend our next vacation in the Bahamas,” to a humble clerk. Or: “I feel bad that you are not witty and silent” – to a man who is really silent, but you chose him that way. If you want a merry joker, look for a merry joker.

But otherwise, all our “I want flowers”, “I want to go to the cinema”, “let’s have dinner at a restaurant, I’m tired of cooking at home” are normally perceived by a normal man

A man who loves a woman is sympathetic to her emotionality. To its variability and some uncertainty. He understands that we need hugs, kind words, some cute nonsense. He also understands about the same flowers about foreplay in sex, although he does not need it. And he is not at all sorry to give it all.

If a man perceives as brainwashing all the words about what needs to be changed in a relationship and what hurts a woman, then he is inattentive to the woman, does not see prospects in the relationship, he doesn’t care.

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Change the man, then natural conversations about each other’s needs will no longer be indicated by the offensive “you’re blowing my mind again.”

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