“All people lie” is Dr. House’s favorite saying. And it is true. Of course, something big and fatal is not always a lie. It can be innocent secrets or lies “to save” – she answered “excellent” to her friend’s question “how do I like you in this dress?”. I think that if we told the truth always and everywhere, in the form in which each of us understands it, human relations would be forever destroyed. But there are things, concealment, silence or distortion of which can significantly harm life.

Husband and wife photoHusband and wife photo

So, what should be alerted in the behavior of a man?

Six things every woman should watch out for

1. If you are dating a man who does not introduce you to his relatives and friends

One bachelor recently complained to me that all passions are trying to start introducing him to their relatives after 3 months of relationship. To him, it looks like a noose slowly tightening around his neck. Of course, there are no universal terms “early” or “it’s time”, everything is individual. But if the relationship has been going on for a year, and you still don’t know anyone from your partner’s environment, this may indicate that either the man is not who he claims to be, or he does not consider you as a serious option for a relationship.

Man and woman - photoMan and woman - photo

2. Frequent complaints of a man about financial or other difficulties

It’s no secret that there are marriage swindlers – young handsome men who deliberately ingratiate themselves with single women in order to lure money and property from them. At first, in order to earn this very trust, they can be very generous – give gifts, pay for breakfasts and dinners in good restaurants. However, when you “melt” and begin to live with this man, for example, you will very soon find that he has been jinxed by a “black eye”. Money will immediately disappear, but the difficulties will, of course, be temporary. A marriage swindler may not even ask directly for money from his “chosen one”, for many women the saving instinct turns on before their brains, they rush to help themselves.

There is another category – men-losers. It’s just that everything goes wrong in their life, one problem replaces another, and they generously share all this with their woman. At first, such a man is drawn to “save”, and he doesn’t immediately seem like a loser – he’s just unlucky, such a streak in life does not happen to anyone. But it turns out very quickly that as soon as you help a man solve one problem, he immediately gets into another and sooner or later you begin to feel that all efforts and all help go to the sand. And the abundance of problems is just a man’s lifestyle.

Men and women get sick differentlyMen and women get sick differently

3. Very fast, expansive introduction of a man into your life

Again, there are no clear deadlines for when it is time to get closer, when it is too early. But if there is a feeling that the partner is forcing events – in a month he wants to meet his parents, in two – he offers to live together, in three – he knows all your friends and tells you that he doesn’t like them or influences you badly – it can be a man -tyrant. Its main goal is to make a woman an object of total control and subordination. First, he will begin to cut her off from her familiar surroundings. Quarrels with friends and family. Then he will gently advise what to wear and how to behave, he will begin to control the time of coming home, he may insist that the woman quit her job. The arsenal of techniques is diverse. There is only one result – at some point a woman discovers that even the color of her tights is chosen by her husband, she has no friends, she does not communicate with relatives, at home her husband tells her that she is “nothing” and the worst thing is that she herself believes in it .

At first, this attitude may seem like a concern. It seems to be nice when a man is so attentive to your life that he says “why are you talking to Masha, she is such a fool, this is not at all your level” or “darling, let’s buy you not these jeans, they somehow don’t suit you very much , but that little gray skirt fits you perfectly. But at some point, you run the risk of finding that any of your actions that are not approved by a man are criticized.

Once again I want to emphasize that there are many examples of couples who got married a month after they met and live happily. The sign of a male tyrant is not the speed of rapprochement itself, but your feeling that you are being rushed into your life quickly and aggressively.

Men are not able to understand women and this is a medical factMen are not able to understand women and this is a medical fact

4. Incomplete past relationships

Men with unfinished past relationships, of course, are not dangerous, like tyrants or swindlers, but they can fray their nerves. Because they begin to bring their incompleteness in the past into the current relationship. By incompleteness, I do not mean communication with a former partner. It can take place, especially if they have a common child. And the emotional coloring and shaking from the former relationship. When a man, being divorced, still shares an apartment with his ex-wife through the court, and this has been going on for 10 years. Or divorced spouses continue to live in the same territory, where they share a bathroom, refrigerator and pans. Or just a man breaks down to help his ex-woman at her first call. In all cases, the current woman, one way or another, will be included in the process of the relationship between a man and his ex – they will share their experiences with her, ask for help, in the end, they will have to adjust their vacation to the schedule of court hearings. Why endure all these inconveniences? Maybe it’s easier to look for a man whose past is in the past?

5. A man’s addiction to alcohol, games, drugs

Any addiction for a woman is a signal to “run”. A man can persuade himself, and you too, that his binges once a week are not alcoholism at all, and he spends not all of his salary on poker, but only part of it, but everything that is repeated regularly and that cannot be stopped is addiction. It’s a disease. It is treated only if the patient expresses a desire to be treated. A close and dear person can support him in this. But the life lived together makes people close and dear. For only a met person, this is an unbearable, and most importantly, unnecessary burden. If you feel an instinct to pull a man out of alcohol fumes, you should consider visiting a psychologist to save yourself from the thirst to save someone.

6. Unusual sexual habits

We all fantasize about sex. Many experiment with sex. This is fine. But, usually, an already established couple, with a good history of relationships and with a large margin of trust, goes to experiments. If a new partner offers you to immediately start a relationship with sexual experiments, I have a question, who is he looking for – a person for a relationship or a simulator to satisfy his desires? There are a number of very specific sexual addictions, such as “golden rain” or BDSM games with humiliation and pain. People with such addictions also have the right to happiness. But. There are communities in which these people group and create pairs with their own kind. If a man who loves “golden rain” meets an ordinary woman and on the first or second date offers to try it, then who does he see in this woman? Does he see a person in front of him at all? Or just a function?

Man and woman - photoMan and woman - photo

We are all very different and meeting each other even for many years, we can never say with certainty that we know another person or know everything about this person. There is always something unknown. And the discovery of this unknown can disappoint, alert, surprise or frighten. But we know ourselves. And if even a small beacon of alarm lit up inside us – trust yourself, trust your “beacon”, do not wait until it turns into an ambulance siren in which you will lie.

Elena Shpundra - photoElena Shpundra - photo

Author: Elena Shpundra, psychologist, journalist, traveler


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