We don’t have many adults at all. There are young people who are entitled to this title by age. And there are not young, and not adults – boys and girls who changed their passport photos twice, but never grew out of the short pants of youth.
Or jumped from them immediately into the phase of old age. 32-year-old men who say “I’m too old to dance in a nightclub.” 45-year-old women in pink T-shirts, sneakers and rhinestones, who sincerely believe that rhinestones allow them to knock off a twenty. Therefore, they cherish the year of their birth more than access codes to credit cards. So why do people play games with their age and so avoid adulthood?
What is adulthood
For a woman, this is a wonderful time somewhere between 40 and 60. Or between 35 and 65. It doesn’t matter. Adulthood is not age as such, it is a state of mind, self-identification, an adequate attitude towards the world and towards oneself in the world.
An adult woman adequately relates to the body
Yes, we already know everything about wrinkles, cellulite, gray hair, osteochondrosis and puffiness. Moreover, we have it all. And yes, age imposes restrictions, each extra glass of Chianti is fraught with bags under the eyes the next day, and each extra pie settles in a dense layer of fat on the waist and pope. And we take care of ourselves and control both the quantity of chianti and cakes. But if you measure the sexual attractiveness of the body only by age, then everyone who is over 30 should forget about sex or do it in a dark room, on a dark night, and preferably without being naked. And we don’t want to forget about sex or looking attractive. But an adequate attitude to the body is manifested in the fact that we understand what is in our power and what is outside it. We can paint over gray hair, pick up an anti-aging cream and do gymnastics regularly. We can even inject Botox. But there is a big difference between fixing what you can fix and redoing what you can’t. And try to convince others that “remade” and “possible.” Or sit with a facial expression frozen from Botox and say with poorly moving lips, “What are you? What botox? These are all kefir masks and in general it’s still too early for me, I’m only 24.
An adult woman adequately relates to sex
Doesn’t roll his eyes. “What’s the horror? What are you!?”. And he doesn’t play around with young guys. An adult woman knows everything about her body and her desires. She also knows the body and desires of a man. And able to distinguish with whom she has a relationship, and with whom only sex. Immature women aged 40+ winking at young boys or grabbing waiters by the ass look pathetic. Immature women, after a night out with a stranger from a bar, telling their friends “he has such a crush on me that he wants to marry” look ridiculous. But there is another extreme – when women, who have skipped the phase of adulthood, immediately throw themselves into old age. Then, from a forty-year-old beautiful-looking woman, you can hear the phrase “he is only 30, but I’m good for him as a mother” or “well, what sex, it’s too late for me to be interested in this.” It’s not pathetic or funny anymore, it’s sad.
An adult woman adequately relates to her mistakes and the mistakes of other people
Yes, at any age, everyone makes mistakes. But if in youth and old age we only blow our lips resentfully, act up and blame other people, then as adults we simply draw conclusions. We know what our responsibility is, what the responsibility of other people is, and what is generally outside the zone of influence. We can distinguish between the main and the unimportant, the small and the not small, the important and the unimportant. And we react according to the situation. We do not make the drama of life out of a girlfriend’s 10 minute delay. We forgive the man his annoyed tone or missed call. We can calmly tell the waiter that he does not serve clearly enough and promptly. And yet we do not run away from the “sharp” moments that always arise in the interaction of people. Children and teenagers run. The old people take the position of a little god “everyone owes me, I’m old.” Adults solve problems.
An adult woman looks and behaves adequately to the place and event
To the dacha in sneakers or sandals, to the reception – in evening dress and stilettos. At the dacha in high heels, and at the reception in sneakers – at the age of 15-20 years – this desire to stand out and attract attention through protest causes an understanding smile “we were all like that.” Women 40+ in pink plush and rhinestones or in tiger leggings, tight-fitting everything that shouldn’t have been covered at all, are appropriate only at the parade of freaks. Women 40+ who are afraid to “dissolve the tie” – take off their business style a la “principal of the school” and put on jeans with slip-ons cause sympathy. This is how you need to control your life and yourself in it, so that no one notices a woman in you, and not a director.
An adult woman adequately communicates with young women
Without the ingratiating “we are on the same wavelength, we are generally the same age”, without the mentoring “Yes, I am at your age” and without the envious-zealous “here is a bitch”. An adult woman does not pretend to be a girl, girlfriend, mentor or rival. She will always find something to learn from a young woman and something to admire, where to come forward, and where to give in.
And yet adulthood is a time of selectivity. In food, in clothes, in contacts, in hobbies, in work, in relationships. The youthful greedy “I want, I can, let’s run” is replaced by the measured “Do I need it? Is the result worth the effort? Do not fuss, let others fuss.”
Adult woman. She gives a lot, but she also demands a lot. Because he has the right. And she confidently calls herself a “woman” because she knows that this is the golden time.
Women’s view of adulthood
Olga: “Adulthood, as for me, is responsibility and disappointment. And on the other hand, the absence of complexes and self-nurtured loyalty to other people’s shortcomings “
Julia: “Do not prove anything, do not strive to conform or please at any cost. Love yourself. To love life. To understand that there is only one body, and there is no spare in the closet, and therefore, to love it, cherish and cherish it. Do what you want, but do not force others to do the same. Do not look back and remember that there is still so much beautiful and interesting ahead. Forgive, but draw decisive conclusions in a relationship. Accept responsibility, but do not drag everything on yourself. Choose the best.”
Tatiana: “They know the value of themselves and others. They know what they want in life. And they know how to achieve it. They still know a lot, but that’s for another time.”
Olga: “It seems to me not, I am sure that adult virgins are not looking for a support in the form of a man, but they gratefully accept their help. They do not take offense over trifles, do not take everything personally, monitor their appearance, but do not consider it a trump card in relationships with others (including the opposite sex). They express their disagreement with what they do not like, and do not pout. They have some kind of profession (even if they work as housewives), that is, in principle, they can exist autonomously (even if they don’t strive for this).
Antonina: “40+ is the age of wonderful opportunities for a still young body and a slightly mature soul. It is a wonderful tincture of experience, emotions, which has a unique taste. This taste is sweet and spicy at the same time. This is the age when you no longer have to prove anything to anyone, know the value of almost everything and value every moment of finite life. You don’t believe words, only actions can impress. You become generous. You forgive your own imperfection and allow others to be imperfect.”
Tatiana: “Freedom to make a choice, even knowing the consequences, even without knowing all the consequences. Tenderness and vulnerability, because their fears and limitations are known, and the main desires are almost known. Know your dreams and know their value. It’s easy to be alone and appreciate moments of understanding. The ability to forgive and remember. The last achievement is to coquettishly say “I don’t understand anything about this.”
See also: Psychologist: everything that comes quickly, lives short
Elena: «About my understanding of adulthood, subjective and based on a sufficient number of observations due to my practical activities, I would say this – the degree of social fulfillment is still of great importance: I am realized as a mother; I am realized as a woman; I am realized as a psychotherapist; I am realized as a friend and there are many other social realizations that are important for an individual. Agree, having inner “confidence” (as an example, the notorious Vedic women) in your femininity and other things related to the disclosure of the inner woman and not having people around you, in general, is reminiscent of self-deception. And, yes, the most important, perhaps, the degree and awareness of oneself as an Adult is directly proportional to the degree of self-deception. Understanding who I am in the real world is a sufficient degree of adulthood.