I’m almost 42 and I like to be cynical at times. To say that I do not believe in love, romance, eternal happiness. With men, I am straight as a bamboo – I do not hesitate to report what I like, do not like and what my desires are. To hell, I also send without hesitation.

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Periodically, I check myself: is my heart turned to stone, and my soul shrinks? After all, before I could wait for one text message for days, I went somewhere to the ends of the world, if only he called, without hesitation I bought expensive gifts, just to please him, I prepared breakfasts and dinners from dishes that, of course, my beloved man preferred , harassed her friends with endless “he said, why would it?”. Naturally, different men were hiding under this “he”: I loved someone, I lived with someone, I was just in love with someone, I was passionate about someone without reciprocity.

The feelings that the male figure evoked were similar – every time I was ready for a lot for the sake of love. If now this willingness has passed, does it mean that the ability to love too?

In youth, we painfully search for ourselves, at 18–25 years old we are only a raw “something”. How to understand what you like, where are your boundaries and who you are without trying different experiences? Therefore, in youth, we readily rush into any experiments – with appearance, profession, sex, love.

After 25, we are already gaining some kind of framework – education, professional experience, cones full of sex and love. We are no longer so unrestrained in experiments, more definite in our goals. Many are already married and having children. Or they start to build a serious relationship with the prospect of all this. We already understand something about life, but we still understand very little about ourselves. We confuse our desires with the desires of society. We replace love with sacrifice. It seems to us that a man needs to be pleased, otherwise he will be offended and leave.

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Maturity is for me the age of true encounter with myself. After “blind” youth, youth “for the sake of someone”, we begin to live for ourselves and for our own sake.

This does not mean that we do not need anyone. We have become successful, selfish, self-sufficient loners. No. We, just like at 20, want love, we want warmth, we want relationships. We just understand that in a healthy relationship, all this is mutual. A man either wants all the same, or does not linger in our lives. As Omar Khayyam said, “I don’t need someone who doesn’t need me.”

So I am more…

1. I do not expect male calls or messages. I either write myself or delete the contacts of those who do not find time for a short answer: “Sorry, I’m busy today, I’ll dial when I’m free.”

2. I do not go on dates if their place and time are inconvenient for me. For a meeting to be a joy, it must be convenient for both.

If a man is not interested in time, or desire, or the convenience of a woman, then he is generally not interested in a woman. And I don’t need a man like that

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3. I do not forgive the lack of gifts for my birthday and other holidays that are important to me. I like men who like to spend money on the woman they like, which is me. Financially stingy people are usually stingy in everything else. Inattention to dates that are important for a person is inattention to a person as a whole.

Those with whom we are in love, we want to pamper and delight. Whatever is important to them becomes important to us. If it doesn’t matter, or it’s a pity, or you forgot, you can forget my number too

4. I’m not looking for excuses for male disadvantage and failure. This does not mean that I only need money from a man. But “with a sweet paradise and in a hut” is definitely not a story from the life of a mature woman. We left our huts at 20, and at 30, at 40 we already have a comfortable life built with our own hands and there are no excuses.

5. I am not silent about what I do not like. Of course, I can’t stand a man’s brain with endless nit-picking. But there are things that the other person does not guess simply because he is different.

If I don’t like high speed, it scares me, then I don’t keep silent or gasp with admiration if a man accelerates to 180 km / h. Also, I do not report irritably: “Where are you going, how are you going!” – I calmly say: “Please don’t drive me, I’m nervous and I’m scared”

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6. I’m not afraid to ask any questions. She is also ready for answers. In youth, we are afraid to clarify the incomprehensible, because we do not want to frighten, strain or injure a man. But it is precisely this lack of clarity that creates wounds in ourselves later. I don’t want any more wounds, so I figure it out.

7. I don’t iron men’s shirts. I don’t like ironing. Ironing my shirts is a burden for me too. I no longer do anything for a man that is a burden to myself. If he loves me, he will iron his own shirt.

8. I don’t take sex for love. Sex may or may not be related to love.

Love for me is to iron my shirt, to keep quiet with me in the morning, because in the morning I don’t like to talk, to remember the name of my cat and how many spoons of sugar I put in coffee, to bring in May a bouquet of freshly cut peonies wet from the rain, to come and silently fix the leaking faucet. If all this is not there, but there is only sex, then we just sleep together

9. Not a jealous man for friends or work. Or children from past relationships. If a man loves me, he finds time for me. Includes me in his busy schedule of meetings, trips, football with friends or fishing with his son. Because I also live a dense, rich life. If we both find time for each other, then everything is OK, we have a relationship. If only I find time for a relationship, and a man is busy all the time, then I need to look for someone else for a relationship.

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10. Don’t try to look your best for a man. On the contrary, when meeting, I can be even worse, ruder, more cynical, straightforward. Feel free to talk about my problems or difficulties. Those who need it will always look deeper and further. Those who don’t will pass by.

I am almost 42 years old. And I am bamboo. Straight, strong, flexible, unpretentious. I am hard to break, twist or uproot. I hardened. But I still want to love. Just not ready to make sacrifices for this. Love is creation, not sacrifice and destruction. Let’s create.

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