There are things that we cannot change due to various circumstances. What you need to learn to accept in yourself and how to do it, find out further.
1. His origin and parents
We all start life with different inputs – the stork puts some in an antique bed with handmade silk linen, throws others into a one-room apartment where 5 people already live and there is nowhere to put the bed. A well-groomed mother comes to someone at a parent meeting, leaving behind a trail of good perfume. And someone cries and is ashamed of their mother with eternally greasy hair and a persistent smell of fumes, which she tries to kill with chewing gum, thinking that the teacher will not notice anything. Someone is beaten by the father, making him a “man”,
and someone’s dad buys a bike and teaches them to ride it. Some people don’t even have a dad. All children want to be loved by their parents. And all the children
they love their parents, and moms with a fumes, and despotic dads. And even the father, who is not there, the child loves, he dreams about him and imagines. But from about 6-7 years old, the child begins to compare himself with other children in order to assess his position in the world. Comparison is generally a property of human nature. And, seeing this difference in conditions, we begin to ask the questions “why?” or “for what?”.
The summit is one – the path to it is different
The bigger the difference, the more questions. There are just no answers. First, we look for reasons in ourselves: “Probably my mom drinks because I’m bad,” “Dad beats because I’m doing something wrong.” But the older we get, the more we understand, again comparing that “I am the best student in the class, I behave well, I help my mother around the house, and my mother still drinks.” And this gives rise to anger at mom, and then at the world, because, despite all the efforts to be better, the living conditions remain the same: mom drinks, forgets to feed, and, instead of doing homework, we pull mom’s insensitive body out of another ditches and dragging home. With all the difference in conditions, you can succeed and become a man. Only someone like Pele would start by kicking a ball barefoot through the Brazilian favelas and cleaning the shoes of fans in a football stadium.
And someone from childhood to train at the best stadiums and with the best coaches. There is only one peak, the path to it is different. Only if you “burrow” into the questions “why is someone lucky, but I’m not?”, you will remain a loser embittered by the whole world.
2. Your past and your mistakes
The path is different for everyone and the number of mistakes along the way is also different. Those who had a harder time in life made more mistakes. Not because they are worse, but because they coped with the trials of life as best they could. Especially if these tests began from childhood. Hit your domineering dad or beat your always drunk mother? We scream when we think we are not being heard. We use physical strength out of powerlessness to do something else or out of fear. Of course, there is no subject for pride either in a cry or in a blow, but sometimes there is no other way out. Forgive yourself for these mistakes, but know that you cannot change the past, you can only not repeat the mistakes in the present in order to create a different future for yourself.
If you do not punish yourself for a feeling forbidden and condemned by society, then you can see the true essence and purpose of envy – this is an indicator of our attitude towards ourselves
We are taught from childhood that envy is bad. But since, whether it’s bad or not, absolutely all people experience it at least once, humanity invented to divide envy into “white” and “black”. “White” is kind of good, you can envy her. In fact, there is no “white” envy, there is one big “green toad” that chokes us at the sight of the success of others. Again, we all live by comparisons, these comparisons give rise to envy. But if you do not punish yourself for a feeling forbidden and condemned by society, then you can see the true essence and purpose of envy – this is an indicator of our attitude towards ourselves. An indicator that we are currently dissatisfied with ourselves or our place in life. Your girlfriend has lost weight and now you already feel tenacious toad paws on your throat? A colleague was promoted, but you remained in your position? The gentleman gave another friend a ring with a diamond, and you are barely begging for a “tired” bouquet from yours on March 8? This means that at the moment you are unhappy with your weight, your position or your man. And you can, of course, think that the girlfriend is a bitch, hiding that she did liposuction, and a colleague got her promotion through the bed. But you will not lose weight from these thoughts, and you can lose your job if you suddenly start making unambiguous hints to your boss. But if you accept envy in yourself, say “Yes, she has lost weight, and I also want to, so I need to take care of myself” or “Since there are men who don’t feel sorry for the woman they love even a diamond, then I also want to find one. And you, my dear, miserly Petya, stay with your greed and
with a “tired” bouquet. I will even give you back last year, I dried it as a memory of your unthinkable feat so that you don’t have to
spend money on a new one for a new lady of the heart.
Caring courtesy that makes us embarrassingly justify ourselves, feel like a loser or a fat old woman, is passive aggression.
Anger is another feeling condemned by society, especially for women. But all people are angry. We feel anger from powerlessness, fear, or when our boundaries are violated. And this happens all the time in life. In addition to open aggression, there is also passive aggression, there is much more of it in life precisely because anger is forbidden. If we understand open aggression immediately and can respond to it with the same fear, impotence or aggression, then everything is much more complicated with passive, because it is implicit. Often takes the form of “kindness” or is wrapped in a candy wrapper of sincere courtesy. A neighbor greets, smiles and asks “well, how are you not married yet?”, A casual acquaintance says “oh, how fat you are”, a colleague asks “how much do you earn?”. Someone begins, under the guise of compassion and participation, to teach you how to live with your husband. Yes, even these appeals “Woman!” on the street or in transport they make you shudder and feel like an old woman. All this caring courtesy that makes us embarrassedly justify ourselves, feel like a loser or a fat old woman, is passive aggression. She violates our boundaries and we get angry. Not only because the borders did not resist, but also because the rebuff was not given. Because behind the soft wrapper we did not see the artillery.
Accept your anger and yourself angry, answer your neighbor “it’s none of your business”, tell a colleague “you ask me a tactless question, I don’t want to answer it” or a friend “I can lose weight, or I can get better, but you will remain an ill-mannered woman “. Any action gives rise to a reaction. A timely expressed reaction completes the action. Everything that you have not completed, you “wear” in your head, but is this beautiful head born to carry all kinds of rubbish?
Appearance is important, but it is not only the face and figure that create it, it is created by the strength and brightness of the personality.
Few people are lucky to be born a classic beauty, also with a beautiful figure. Monica Bellucci and Naomi Campbell were lucky. Sophia Loren
lucky. But many, even superstars, don’t. Think of Barbra Streisand or Whoopi Goldberg. However, this did not stop them from being successful.
in the profession, to become famous and desirable women. Frida Kahlo not only had a very specific appearance, but also with a body mutilated in an accident. But she is known not only for her paintings, but also for her romances with the brightest men of her time. Appearance is important, but it is not only the face and figure that create it, it is created by the strength and brightness of the personality. Forgive yourself a hooked nose. Of course, you can break it on the table of a plastic surgeon. And you can remember Akhmatova, she also had a hump, but who remembers her now? People remember poetry.
Age, like looks, is even worse, because it doesn’t matter if you were born a classic beauty or an ordinary woman, everyone gets old. Although it is probably even more difficult for beauties to grow old – to lose more. You can again run around plastic surgeons or just run, hide your age, wear youth clothes, but you can’t run away from age. Just as doctors write “development by age” on a card for small children, so, having become an adult, I want to maintain this dynamics. Develop according to age, and not go back to age, bringing the fight against it to the point of absurdity.
Any hint of feminine power is a threat to masculine power. And a man in our society is still a value
Just as it is not proper for a woman to be evil, so it is not appropriate for her to be strong. Strong not physically, strong mentally. The attitude of women to their strength is very grotesquely represented in society – these are either masculine women, with harsh mannerisms and voices, who fight men or even fight anyone at all, or “tender violets” who faint or just fall, which is not surprising on 17 cm heels, or ordinary-looking women who deny or devalue their achievements. Because any hint of feminine power is a threat to masculine power. A man in our society is still a value. Value is not by quality, but by birthright. In fact, the vector of the male and female forces is different, they will never intersect and do not threaten each other in any way. But men are afraid of female power, because many have not met with their own or have not agreed, which is why women choose to hide their power. So that the “cute” does not worry. “I won’t go to study, because my husband, without education, will still leave.” “I will hide that the salary was raised because his salary is lower.” “I can handle it myself so as not to pull it once again.” Weak men are afraid of female power, but it’s like with a child – if you keep him in your arms all the time or pick him up at the first stagger, he will never learn to walk. Develop yourself, let your partner develop nearby.
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