The crisis of 35 years is connected not so much with the search for oneself and one’s place in the world, but with answers to the question “why?”. And the questions are getting louder. Why do I need this career if it leaves no time for life? Why am I trying to live up to other people’s expectations? Why am I in a relationship that makes me uncomfortable? Why did I even come into this world? What do I want?
Experience and achievements
If before 35 we were more externally oriented, then 35 is the age when we turn to ourselves, more and more often think about our desires, needs, and look for the meaning of life. On this path, the main thing is not to devalue previous decisions and choices.
If you are disappointed in your career and want to quit, great. But it is important to first take credit for all your achievements along the way. Have you grown from a junior specialist to the level of a department head? Great, it means you have the pressure, abilities, energy that set you apart from the mass of other young professionals. Have you changed jobs several times and found vacancies on your own, despite the economic crisis? At the same time, the new position was higher and better than the previous one? So, in addition to professionalism, you have stamina. Such appropriation will help to find footholds in order to build a new path of life, especially for those who are about to turn 180 degrees.
It’s never too late
Those who want to change everything at 35 may face the social stereotype of “it’s too late.” It’s too late to get an education, because it’s not appropriate to sit at a desk with 17-year-olds at the age of 35. Late to start a business, late to give birth, late to change profession or place of residence. Also, this “late” pushes on the other side – in job descriptions, we increasingly see the age limit “up to 35”. One gets the impression that society wants us to move smoothly in the chosen track after 35 years and not make any attempts to get out, stop, turn. In fact, there is no “late” or “early”, there are used and unused opportunities. And 35 is just such an age when it is easier to try, use, take risks: you already have experience, there is balance, there is an adequate idea of yourself and your strengths.
And what about personal life?
Women who are 35 and still unmarried feel they are already being buried. Ask “when?” stop, but start asking “why?”. Or they silently consider with suspicion, trying to find the reasons for this very “why?”, flaws in the form of hooves instead of feet, or some rudimentary organ like a tail. They do this for several reasons. Firstly, we do not like those who do not live “like everyone else”, and secondly, they set bad examples for those who live “like everyone else”, but are already weary of this life and are thinking about changes. If you watch documentaries or read the press about life in other countries, even the most backward, you will notice that more and more women after 35 years of age call divorce the best event of their lives. Because after him they were able to go to study or work, they were no longer rotten and used as free labor. Some get divorced at 35 and start a new life, while others can get married at 35, only to do it in a balanced way, clearly understanding who they are marrying and what they want from marriage.
At 35 comes a different understanding of marriage and love. If earlier suffering was mistaken for passion, sex passed for love, men were valued for external data, and constant anguish in relationships seemed like life, then at 35 you get tired of suffering, you don’t want an anguish. You value your partner for comfort, for care, for how easy it is to negotiate with him, and for the fact that he sees in you a person, not a function. Less and less I want to play games and dance ritual dances. More and more I just want to live. We are beginning to realize that couples are created in order to live better, more conveniently together than alone.
understand and accept
Another 35 is the age when we understand our parents. Until 35, almost all of our interaction with them was directed towards separation and the struggle for adulthood. The opposition “you don’t understand anything, so I know everything”, the defense of one’s boundaries “do not interfere in my life, I can do everything myself”, resentment “you didn’t give enough, didn’t love” and claims “you owe me” – all these are echoes of youthful illusions and maximalism. After 35, many, having gone through a certain experience of parenthood themselves, understand that the world is not perfect, people are not perfect, we all make mistakes and rash acts. Our parents weren’t perfect either. This understanding allows you to return to your parents and return as adults.
In general, 35 is a wonderful period when we stop meeting other people’s expectations, living with imposed stereotypes, we begin to live the way we personally want, and most importantly, we are already able to do it.