A friend once again complains about an inattentive and rude husband, a sister cries about her boyfriend’s constant betrayals … You advise them to quickly part with an unsuitable partner, but they keep pulling and pulling … Why is this happening?
According to psychologists, 66% of women prefer to be in “imperfect” relationships, but rather than in “perfect” loneliness. Another 12% are afraid of the prospect of quarrels, tears, division of property and other “charms” of divorce. But sooner or later you have to face the truth and leave. How to do it right?
There is no instruction on how to properly end a relationship. But so that the gap does not cause psychological trauma, and you do not part as enemies, psychologists give such recommendations.
1. Identify the “pain points” of your relationship
Once again, analyze all the reasons for parting. Write down on a piece of paper everything that irritated or upset you in your partner, all his misdeeds and offensive actions. Before you take decisive action, determine what is driving you: accumulated grievances and claims, the desire to have everything your way, the need for revenge, or common sense and an honest understanding that you just made the wrong choice?
2. Make a list of requirements for your relationship
Answer honestly to yourself the question “What needs to happen for me to want to save this marriage or relationship? What should my partner be like? What needs to change in our lives? Then analyze how realistic your expectations are and whether your chosen one is capable of such feats, and most importantly, is he willing to make efforts for them? Do not forget about possible compromises: maybe you will agree to close your eyes to something in exchange for something else?
3. List Your Liabilities
In other words, write what exactly you will lose in the event of a breakup. Agree, a woman with her own apartment and a good job breaks relationships that do not suit her much easier than poor Cinderella without a financial “airbag”. Perhaps it makes sense to postpone the break until the time when you can survive its consequences more easily?
4. Rehearse what you want to say to your partner
Tears, screams, accusations, incoherent babble – all this will not do you honor in a decisive conversation. Therefore, rehearse your speech well. First, it will give you confidence. Secondly, it will set you in a decisive mood. Thirdly, if at the most crucial moment you “bridge”, rehearsed phrases will pop up somewhere in your head that will save the situation.
5. Choose the right time and place for “negotiations”
Do not start a conversation when there are many other serious problems that need to be urgently addressed. Discuss everything honestly with a man. Take your time, but do not drag out the conversation, because every minute can hurt.
6. Say no! memories
In no case do not slip into a conversation on “Do you remember how we used to …”! Memories are the hardest thing to go through. Those evenings when you walked along the seashore, his half-hearted romantic actions, cute jokes and funny incidents… Force yourself to be silent about the past and interrupt your partner’s conversation if he decides to enter this forbidden land.
The correct break is when the relationship is completely completed and it is already impossible to return to them. The most important and most difficult thing is to let a person out of his thoughts. In the ideal case, remember briefly and with gratitude for the segment of the life path that you went through together. Don’t be afraid of breakups. Remember: you are not making a choice between an unsuitable man and loneliness, but between a happy and unhappy life!
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Author: Everything will be fine