Morning. Over the usual cup of coffee, I tend to surf the net in search of inspiration, food for thought or a subject for banter. Well, it’s just sometimes useful to know that someone climbed onto the stage during the live broadcast of the Eurovision final and showed their bare ass. And now half of the virtual public is discussing what kind of punishment the owner of the ass deserves and what it was all about.

Single or divorcedSingle or divorced

The second half continues to talk about women in the familiar “woman-married” connection. This is how I see a strict poster from the times of the USSR with a woman in a red headscarf “The Motherland is calling.” Motherland calls you to marry.

Mind me, mind me, a nightmare inspired by a naked ass – you got married, and then he takes off his trousers at Eurovision. And you are like this – the wife of the Decembrist: “And what is your term for?” – “Yes, I’ve bared my ass.”

But I’m not talking about priests at all. Another heated discussion about how it is better for a woman to be single or divorced.

divorced womandivorced woman

Other options, such as being happily married and never getting divorced, having a civil relationship or enjoying the status of a single lady, are not considered at all.

And I would have passed by this stupidity if I had not remembered how one of my friends, a woman who is smart, educated and, it would seem, far from all sorts of prejudices, told me that she keeps her dull and almost formal marriage, because she believes that divorce it’s a failure.

Divorce her husband for her how to tell the whole world that you are a loser, you could not make the right choice. Or failed to build the right family. Correct, this is where they do not get divorced, of course.

reasons for divorcereasons for divorce

Failure is if you made your way to the Eurovision stage to sing, and your zipper on your jeans is stuck. Or when they announce that you won the Oscar statuette, and after 5 minutes they say “sorry, we made a mistake, we have another winner.” And to get a divorce because the marriage has become obsolete – is it really a failure?

I think it’s fair, it’s reasonable. And it gives new opportunities. Be happy apart if together it doesn’t work out. But no. For many women, divorce means the collapse of the reputation. And a very offensive word in pursuit – “divorced”. Why is no one talking about men in divorce like that?

About unmarried women, I generally keep quiet. After 25 years, this is already on the verge of decency, and after 30 – a stigma. They look at you like you’re a leper. “Poor, sick, poor, not needed by anyone.” Even the official status, which in English is beautifully called single lady – one lady, a free lady – sounds like “single lady” to us.

married womanmarried woman

Married, single, divorced. No options. And the last two statuses for a woman are with a “smell”.

It’s funny that on one psychological forum, where it was necessary to indicate marital status in the registration data and I didn’t hesitate for a minute to write “free”, several times I received “caring” letters from female colleagues in my personal mail: “Do not write “free” , it sounds defiant, and it can scare away potential customers from you.

Another colleague of mine, who was married almost as briefly as Britney Spears, and as long as the world without the Internet — and has not been in a relationship since, prefers to answer questions about her marital status as “divorced.”

married herselfmarried herself

She herself no longer remembers her early and fleeting marriage, but still uses it to cover up her seemingly shameful lifestyle. A woman who lives alone.

And why is it so difficult with happily married? Those who get married once and live happily with their husband.

There are such women. But against the backdrop of consistently dissatisfied, complaining about their marriage and suffering, to say that you have a good husband and in general everything is fine is bad manners!

You are a white crow. At which they look with suspicion: “Something you are not saying.” You need to have a husband, but for him to be like that, not very traveling. To earn so-so, help around the house only with your kick or not at all, moderately neglected outwardly, drinking or spending time on eternal fishing.

word marriedword married

In short – such that a woman always has the opportunity to inhale sadly. “Woman’s share – ce suffering.” The most common female introject.

I don’t know why being a happy woman in society is dangerous and not accepted. To be happy on your own, regardless of whether you have a man and what your status is.

Now I am leaving the ranks of free women. And I even feel some guilt – I talk about the fact that you can be free and happy, and I myself am running to get married.

wife is marriedwife is married

And I wouldn’t have run if I hadn’t met a man for whom having an official family with me is more important than for me. It is more important for a man to marry me than for me to marry him.

Was I unhappy all these 42 years, being in such a humiliating status of “single” in our society? No, not at all.

I was unhappy while I was not free, thinking that I should conform to imposed patterns. Trying to fit myself into a box that was too small for me. And living introjects about suffering, about the fact that a man is God and about the fact that he “endures and falls in love”.

Now I know that a woman is better off just being. The way she wants. And her matrimonial status does not affect happiness in any way.

photo: unsplash