I just want to say that the world of a man is not nuclear physics, everything is simple in it – if there is a word, but there is no deed, then you have no relationship with a man either.
Relations from our, female point of view, when everything is serious and can end in marriage. From a male point of view, you can be used in different qualities and different forms, but you will not like any of them, because they do not lead to marriage.
A man can do anything with you, but he is not going to marry
Do you remember how the old song was sung? “I will never marry you, I’d rather eat my passport before the registry office.” Let’s not drive men to eat passports (although some would be worth it) and consider what male signals and actions we tend to interpret incorrectly.
Expectations and reality
The error is common in long-distance romances and dating. You can meet in your city, or with a man, or somewhere else, have a great time together, go to your own lives and find that the connection is not lost, the man still calls and writes to you. Communication can become more and more romantic: a man remembers how good it was for you together, and fantasizes about how good it will be.
In his dreams, a man can even come up with names for your common future children or how beautiful you will look in the morning in his kitchen in an apron on your naked body, preparing khachapuri for him
What maiden will these sweet dreams leave indifferent? She turns on and also fantasizes. But, unlike men’s, girlish dreams quickly take on a real form. She buys a train, plane or bus ticket. She is ready for khachapuri (she has already practiced at home), and for three children, and generally considers the trip as a lucky one-way ticket from which there is no return to bachelorhood. Upon arrival at the place, the man may either not be found at all, or you may find that he is not at all as romantic and warm as he is on Skype. The most you can count on is a quick tour of the city, strained communication, maybe even quick sex and disappearance under the pretext of urgent business. “What about khachapuri, wedding and children?” you ask in bewilderment. And most importantly, why, why did he say all this, if he really did not mean anything like that?
This option of a hard break is possible even on dating sites where people initially declare that they are looking for a partner for marriage.
There is such a category of men, I call them Internet dreamers: they do not need a real woman, but for various reasons they need fantasies about how wonderful everything would be, “if only”
Even if you take a chance and come to such a gentleman, you will find that he will not be able to meet with you for various, of course, valid reasons. But as a rule, they disappear earlier, even at the stage of your conversations about the trip.
In couples where there was already some kind of common reality, continued communication with a man says that he likes you in principle, you had a good time, the sex was good, but he didn’t plan anything serious and doesn’t plan – he just holds you like a backup option, suddenly one day you will once again be in his city, or he is in yours, and everything will be possible to repeat. And now he’s bored, why not send some cute message “hello, I miss you” and get a “hello, me too” in response.
Go to any social network: how many people there create the illusion of a life that they never live. It’s nice and safe. A man does the same thing to you – safely fantasizes
Therefore, do not rush to go to a man who does not say “come.” Moreover, the word “come” should be followed by specifics – how many days to arrive, what time, where you will live, whether the man will help with buying a ticket, whether he will meet you at the airport. If there are no specifics, then you can fantasize with a man or look for someone for reality.
The duration of the relationship is not an indicator of the seriousness of intentions
The second mistake is to measure the seriousness of the relationship by the time spent together. For men and women, the time spent in a relationship has a different meaning. For women, time is everything; for men, time means nothing. Women tend to calculate how much time you have already spent together, and draw deep and promising conclusions from this. “Oh, we have been together for 14 weeks, 4 days and 4 hours, he met my parents and constantly calls me and congratulates me on all the holidays, which means that everything is serious with us, and soon we will get married.”
If you are a pleasant and attractive girl, a man has fun and pleasant time with you, then he can really go to you for a long time and sincerely congratulate you on all memorable dates until he hears: “What are you going to? Get married.” On that it will disappear
Because in the male head, the term and seriousness are in no way connected. The seriousness of a man’s intentions is determined by his actions towards you: whether he introduces you to his family and friends, whether he does something for you, whether he cares about your interests, whether he remembers habits.
If a man just comes to your house once a week, eats borscht and has sex with you, sometimes writes love sms and congratulates you on March 8th, it means that it’s just convenient and pleasant for him to spend time with you. And it will last exactly as long as you do not want more. In this place, you will quickly realize that for more you need to look for a man who is ready for more for you. More than eating, sleeping and occasionally calling.
goodbye in english
Taking male cold and even ice into your personal account and starting to engage in self-improvement and even more pleasing to a man in order to fix relationships is another female mistake.
Many men admit that they do not like to report a breakup directly. Therefore, they begin to behave in such a way that the woman herself guesses that everything is already, “come on, goodbye”
Men stop calling themselves, if you call him, he answers very briefly and coldly, refuses meetings under the pretext of being very busy. To the direct question “Is everything all right with our relationship?” can even cheerfully answer: “Yes, of course, everything is as always”, only by your behavior you feel that everything has changed. Of course, in any relationship there are periods of separation of partners, they do not talk about parting at all, only that one of the couple needs a little break from the other. And if you didn’t immediately understand that this was a separation or distance, just move away, accept the distance offered by the man.
If the man is yours, he will return
If the cold emanating from him is a way to communicate that the relationship is over, you still won’t change anything. Why do they do this, why can’t they say “I’m leaving” directly, instead preferring to either disappear altogether or appear dotted? I think it comes from the fact that each of us has a need to be good. We want to please other people, our partner, ourselves. Therefore, at the beginning of any acquaintance, we try to shock the other with all our virtues. Reporting a breakup “sorry, fell out of love” or “I’m not getting married, I didn’t plan to, so be happy with someone else” – this means becoming bad, even if not for long, even if they have the right, but for many men this is unbearable. So they choose a simple way “guess and leave yourself.” Not only to stay good, but to be able to always come back, if anything.
So we come to the beautiful male oddity – communication with the former.
Each of us at least once faced with an unexpected SMS from the former after years of “hello, how are you?” or found that the current man writes something similar to his ex. Why, why, and most importantly, how to respond: does this mean that there is great, pure and true love between us? And we must quickly break the current life and run to the former to build long-burnt bridges. Doesn’t mean it shouldn’t
A long time ago, back in the days of landlines and handwritten notebooks, I met a man whose entire notebook was filled with female names and phone numbers. When he got bored, didn’t want to be alone, but wanted to spend time in love, warmth and care, he opened this book on the letter A and began to call: “Allochka, hello, dear, how are you, how are you, do you want to meet today , I miss, remember, wait? And, no, you don’t want to, you got married, congratulations and forgive me, dear. “Alinochka, found out, is it easy to remember? So, maybe we’ll meet today, spend the evening, remember the past? As you can guess, he always had company for the evening. He did not quarrel with anyone, did not leave anyone, he simply did not approach anyone at a distance closer than easy sex. But probably, each of his women, and Allochka, and Alinochka, and Ninochka, fantasized about how unforgettable she is and that it is with her that the hero of this story has great true love, only like this, a little strange. They fantasized because they had never seen his notebooks. And I hope they don’t. So do not rush to romanticize the unexpected appearance of the former. Again, for true love, a man will find both time, and strength, and a place, and will appear in your life in such a way that he will not disappear.
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