Why are we joyful, kind, smiling with one man? And with another bitch, we get angry and take out the brain, even when everything seems to be fine?
Of course, there are inadequate women, their mood fluctuates worse than the dollar exchange rate on the market. Either everything is bad and terrible for them, then after two minutes everything is fine.
But in this case, it does not matter who is next to them – a man, a girlfriend or a hairdresser. Such women experience stormy and passionate relationships with themselves. Well, or with your psychiatrist. And we will not consider them.
When it’s good to be a bitch
But if you are adequate – you are able to think critically, determine your priorities, are in contact with your desires and know how to take responsibility, that is, you are an ordinary normal woman, and an ordinary, seemingly normal man appeared in your life, and you, oh horror, suddenly you start behaving like that crazy woman who is with herself or with her psychiatrist – is that it, is it time for you to see him too?
I would definitely not rush to a psychiatrist, but I thought about what causes a bitch in me.
For me, in general, relationships in which most of the time you want to find out, and not live and enjoy, are shitty relationships. This is not a relationship at all, but continuous neurotic acting out.
And you can definitely go to a psychologist with this.
But what if you are at the stage when you just met, he is generally very positive, behaves somehow right, and something is wrong with you – you are nervous, anxious, reluctant to go on dates?
And objectively there is nothing to complain about, but it is impossible to explain one’s condition either.
I always trust such reactions and take them very seriously. Because that’s how we react to the wrong partner.
The brain reads some of its micromanifestations and turns on the alarm siren.
But the trouble is, we are used to rationalizing everything and discarding what cannot be logically and rationally explained as unnecessary and not worth attention. The body signals us: danger, run, drive away.
But we immediately ask ourselves “Why? For what? How? A good and free man! What, again to look for a new one? Is it better for me to deal with this? Maybe it’s something wrong with me, and not with him?
What micromanifestations can these be?
For example, a man constantly tells you about his problemsand they happen to him literally in everything.
Yes, everyone has problems, you too. And in relationships, especially close and trusting ones, we share everything with a partner, including problems.
But if a man has a mega-problem from everything, even from charging his phone, and this eventually affects your meeting, he is two hours late, comes sad and suffering – “I charged the phone in the nearest bar and waited until it was charged at least 50 %”, and at that time you were waiting for him in a restaurant where there are also sockets and charging is quite available, then the problems are not with you and your perception. Problems with a man and a man.
If a man constantly tells you “You don’t understand me” or “You got it all wrong.”
You can’t understand a man only if he explains to you the structure of the engine of his car or Vieta’s theorem, and at the same time you are neither a mechanic nor a mathematician.
Everything else one normal person is able to understand about another. And even if reproaches of misunderstanding are flavored with a gentle smile or they are followed by a compliment, how charming and sweet you are, it’s still one of the manipulator’s tricks – to shift responsibility and blame onto you.
Later, you will not understand “everything” in your relationship, which means you will be constantly guilty or a fool. Or a constantly guilty fool. And you will spend a long time in the psychologist’s office regaining your mind and confidence that you correctly call “black” “black.” Do you need it?
Real life example
If you remember my most disastrous and destructive relationship, then at the very initial stage I had a somatic symptom in them – severe chills.
Once, after talking with a man whom I had recently met, and everything looked very tempting and promising, I hung up and a natural chill began to beat me – my teeth were chattering, my hands were shaking, my whole body was shaking.
And it was not a shiver of passion at all. And not a disease, because everything passed in 10 minutes. It was impossible to rationally explain this state. Connect with a man is also unlikely. The conversation was neutral, the man pleasant. The prospects for dating are the brightest. Who would turn them down for 10 minutes of shaking?
I did not refuse, and as life has shown – very in vain. Now I am very attentive to my bodily reactions to people.
Instead of an epilogue
There are people who are afraid of relationships. As a rule, these are injuries.
Their fear of intimacy is included in any prospect of permanence, whether in friendship or in love.
The internal dynamics of manifestations of this fear may coincide with the reaction to an unsuitable partner. How to distinguish one from the other, to figure out where my cockroaches are, and where are not mine?
I think that although fear can manifest itself in the same way, the point of its occurrence will be different. For a traumatic person, the fear of intimacy will begin to appear with intimacy itself. When the distance is reduced in a relationship.
The reaction to the wrong person occurs even before any relationship with him or at the very initial stage of acquaintance.
In any case, you need to believe in yourself. If you are a traumatic person, you already know that any intimacy scares you, and your whole life, or rather the absence of stable long-term relationships in it, signals this.
If you have a long, close relationship in your experience, you have strong ties with many people – and suddenly with one particular person you start behaving as if all the bitches of the world were united in you alone – run. This is not that person.
Your body turned on the “wrong” even before you had time to logically explain to yourself what to get into. Say “thank you” to your body and say goodbye to your man.
Don’t wanna say goodbye, wanna check? Forward. See you later in my office.