Once in a difficult situation, a man often despairs and gives up. At such moments, he needs the support of his beloved woman more than ever, but, alas, he cannot always admit this. Your task is to understand your loved one and support! What is the best way to do this?
It would seem that it is difficult to hug, cheer up (“You can handle it!”) And smile supportively at your husband? Moreover, the role of the “vest” is well known to us: we easily comfort our girlfriends. But it is one thing to sympathize with a woman, and quite another for a man whom society secretly forbids to be confused, unhappy and weak.
An enormous responsibility rests on the shoulders of our faithful. A man is a protector, earner and reinforced concrete support, in a word, the same notorious “stronger sex”. From childhood, boys know that they should not cry and in any situation they need to control themselves. From childhood, they get used to the fact that a real man should not have failures at all, and therefore, reasons for complaints. As a result, men try to hide their worries about really serious reasons (dismissal from work, problems with their own business, acute conflict with a partner or friend, loss of money, etc.) from the world at any cost. During such periods, they experience a range of emotions:
- the image of the hero, who is never sad and hard, instantly collapses. And what to do next, it is not clear;
- loss of status or source of income entails a severe lowering of self-esteem;
- I don’t want to admit to anyone all of the above, but there is a feeling that experiences will tear you apart from the inside.
Result: yesterday, an active and cheerful husband is lying on the couch for days with a mournful expression on his face and categorically refuses to discuss what happened. So how do you support a person who seems to refuse any help?
What can a loving woman do when her beloved is in a difficult situation?
It is very important to convey to your loved one that you fully and completely support him. You recognize his right to experience, weakness and do not demand any supermanship. Show that you will accept it with anyone, and try to bring it to a conversation about what happened. Be tactful and do not interrupt: give him the opportunity to speak out, even if you have something to say on the topic. Tips and evaluations will wait, only sympathy (no lamentations)!
“We are a team”
Men know that they have to cope with all the problems on their own, so they are ashamed to ask for help from the woman they love. But there are trials in life that are almost impossible to pass alone. Just be there, don’t push, don’t demand special attention, don’t be offended if, for example, he forgets your wedding day … Tactile contact also helps: hug your husband, take his hand, stroke his head … This is the easiest way to demonstrate that you are beside. In addition, such a “bodily support” will help him open up.
“In motion — life and hope!”
When a person lies on the couch all day and stares at the TV, it is very difficult for him not to dwell on what happened. He will constantly scroll the situation in his head and fall into even greater melancholy. Your task is to get your loved one out of the house. He likes football? Great, buy tickets for the next match and go together. Haven’t seen your friends for a long time? It’s time to meet. The more positive impressions, the easier it is to survive an unpleasant story.
It’s time to shake up!
There comes a moment when a man accepts the situation, but at the same time he is still not ready to move on. Usually the reason for inaction lies in the fear of failure again.
Remember the years of the crisis: women who lost their jobs (engineers, teachers, secretaries) traded in the markets, cleaned other people’s apartments, worked as nannies, etc. They did not care about the status of the work, they just had to survive. And men continued to wait for ideal vacancies (read – a miracle), which do not exist in nature. The thing is that it is incredibly important for men to look successful and prosperous in the eyes of society, otherwise their self-esteem falls below the baseboard. In order for him to believe in himself again, you need:
➜ Remind him of past victories. Nothing motivates a man like bright and colorful stories about his recent successes. Don’t just tell him that he is strong and smart, but illustrate the words with stories from his past. “Remember how profitable you invested money?”; “Your project at work has been recognized as the most successful for 5 years in a row,” etc.
➜ Make plans for the future. Starting a “new life” is difficult, but incredibly exciting. This is a very inspiring experience, which, if done right, should charge the partner with optimism. What would he like to do? What areas are of interest to him? Maybe he has some old dreams? It’s time to start implementing them. Most importantly, both of you must believe that anything is possible!
There are several psychological practicesto help deal with adversity. Do it together!
Hot chair. A great way to get rid of negative emotions. Sit your husband in front of an empty chair and ask him to imagine that the former boss is located there (business partner, traitor friend, etc.) or the problem itself.
Let the spouse express everything that he has accumulated (with you or alone – it’s up to him to decide). He has the right to scream, swear, threaten and stomp his feet. The main thing is to give vent to emotions. If you repeat this simple psychological experience several times, anger and fear will go away, making room for constructive solutions.
Critic, observer, friend. A great way to overcome doubts and support yourself. Invite the man to analyze his problem from the position of each of the characters stated in the title.
Let the critic talk about internal hesitation and uncertainty: “I doubt that he will find another job!” etc.
The observer will reason neutrally about the situation. This will help to assess the real state of affairs (it’s not so bad).
And finally, the task of a friend is to support, encourage and dispel doubts. This is a great psychological self-help training.
Do you want to know what to whisper in the ear of your beloved so that reconciliation goes even better? Look:
Author: Everything will be fine