How to meet a foreigner? Many resources are full of advice on how to find a foreigner, how to attract him, what are the features of communication with men of different nationalities. And now we have already caught him, attracted him, lured him. What happens next?
Fairy tale about Cinderella
Next, we read absolutely polar stories about international marriages and relationships, but all, in my opinion, are variations on the theme of the same fairy tale Cinderella. In her unfortunate variant, poor Cinderella flees the country in almost what her mother gave birth to and sues for a long time for the children, whom the scoundrel Prince, of course, did not give away. In a happy contrast, the Prince turns out to be young, handsome, rich, noble, generous, and our dear Cinderella lives in a beautiful palace on the ocean along with all her relatives, and apart from the Prince, the Lady of the Sea herself serves her.
I don’t like extremes and fantasies. At least for those over 30.
If you are over 30 years old, and fantasies about “beautiful far away” stubbornly persist, then the only person you should think about a relationship with is a psychologist.
There are no princes among foreigners
For the last 3 years I have been dating and talking with foreign men. There are no princes among them, but there are quite real, normal men who can become a good life partner or a good company for some period of time.
There are also scammers, inadequate, perverts and losers. How to weed them out and minimize the risk? I will share my experience.
What to pay attention to at the beginning of acquaintance with a foreigner?
At the very initial stage of dating, for example, when answering a female ad, foreign men often play the card: “Oh, there are so many scammers on the Web now, everyone pretends to be beautiful women and wants to extort money from a man, so prove to me that you are real and send more photo, give me your skype, phone, email, link to your Facebook profile.
I usually reply, “Honey, I don’t know who you are just as much as you don’t know me. Women are also scammed and scammed for money or sex or both. I accept this risk by deciding to place an ad. I will be careful and look closely at you, just as you can look at me, but I’m not going to prove anything on purpose. Either you accept it and we move on, or goodbye.”
Normal men react normally to such an answer, they recognize the rationality of the argument, while understanding that we are conducting a dialogue on an equal footing, I am not a poor aboriginal from the island of Timbuktu, who will be happy with a piece of colored plastic. Usually all sorts of tantrums and other inadequate ones set off, however, not always silently, since in pursuit they can send you some kind of filth. But in any case, it is better to see it now than after meeting in reality.
Further, when we move from the site site to a more personal communication via e-mail, I always check this e-mail. First, I look at the IP address and find out which country it belongs to. It doesn’t give much information, but it does cut off primitive liars.
If a man reports that he is from the USA, while the IP affiliation is defined as Uruguay, this is nonsense.
Next, I enter the email address into a Google search and see what kind of history the man has on the Web. Sometimes you can find a resume and check if a person was telling the truth about his profession. It happens that you can see traces of being on other dating sites and find out that a person has been looking for someone for 10 years. There are quite “clean” addresses. This suggests that the address was created specifically for this dating site. It is worth paying attention to this – either a man can be a scammer who does not want to leave traces, or he is simply careful and this needs to be checked in further communication.
The style of correspondence with a foreigner
I also always pay attention to the style of correspondence. If there are very few questions about you from the male side, few life specifics about him and you, but a lot of “I miss you”, “you are so beautiful, I thought about you all day yesterday”, “I don’t stop thinking, that you are my destiny, ”of course, I want to believe.
But be prepared that the next step after this sugar syrup may be an unexpected twist: “Honey, you are so beautiful, I have been thinking about you all night. But now I’m sick, I need to go to the doctor, my insurance is over, could you send me 100 euros? I’ll give them to you right away when I get better and can work.”
Virtual traps of internet dreamers
If email communication did not disappoint, we switch to Skype. This stage can also be a trap. There are a number of men that I call “internet dreamers”. These are real men, they can live where they speak and generally tell the truth about themselves. But there is one exception – they are silent about their true intentions. And the real goals are that they do not imply real acquaintance. Why? For various reasons – it may be a fear of intimacy, physical or mental trauma, a man may be married or in a relationship, and so on. These men do not need a real woman, they just need to feel normal and in demand, that is, the same as everyone who meets someone, is looking for someone.
Married men may lack adrenaline, they want to tickle the imagination with the illusion of a romance. So they create such an illusion for themselves by finding a woman on the Web and establishing a Skype relationship with her, in which everything can be, even virtual sex, except for any reality.
A distinctive feature of Internet dreamers is that they need Skype contacts too much, they want to be in touch every day, or even several times a day. They also like to discuss your future with him in detail. An Internet dreamer may ask the interlocutor whether she wants to have children in marriage and, if so, how many. He likes to spend hours discussing the names of your future children with him, in what faith they will be baptized and what school they will go to. Or, for example, what color of tie will he have at your child’s christening.
Between a tie at a christening and a meeting in reality is a couple of years of life, they must first be lived and not at all on Skype.
In Skype communication, the topic of the meeting arises. It can also arise with an Internet dreamer, he will even set the exact date of the meeting. But closer to the appointed date, you will hear him less and less, he will shy away from discussing the details and, of course, he will not come to the meeting. The reason will be the most valid (problems at work, illness, moving to a new apartment). But how often do such good reasons happen to you and prevent you from making a meeting?
The optimal period for the first meeting is 3-6 months from the date of acquaintance.
If a meeting with a foreigner has not happened within six months, does it make sense to continue communication?
We are all busy with our work, and men in particular. But there are vacations, holidays, weekends that can be added to holidays, thus getting 5-7 days to travel to a meeting.
If a man does not have time and money for a trip, will he find time and money for a relationship with you?
First meeting with a foreigner
For the first meeting, I personally prefer my native Kyiv. I travel freely and move around the world, but I think that it’s not worth going to a man first. We are still beautiful ladies, we don’t ask to kill the dragon knight, but it’s quite possible to jump to distant lands. By the way, this approach helped me weed out a man on parole. He had to say that trips abroad were excluded for him, then I already asked a reasonable question “do you have problems with the law?”. And received an affirmative answer.
I am not a supporter of the first meeting on neutral territory either. Firstly, it is easy to run into a sex tourist here. I had such a brave American who, from the very first letters, offered to meet in Dubrovnik. And then he practically didn’t let me come to my senses, bombarding me with long treatises about how beautiful I am, and also Henry VIII. Thus, making an attack on femininity and intellect at the same time. And I even started monitoring tickets. But the mind did not allow to make a mistake. In the end, I was offered to share a double bed in a hotel room, with the touching stipulation that “sex will be only at your request.”
It turned out that the man had booked a tour to Europe long ago, which included a holiday in Dubrovnik. The man was frisky, sexually active and stingy. Therefore, I decided to find a woman for a vacation, so as not to spend money and have fun. Needless to say, his interest in me, and indeed the need to discuss Henry VIII, disappeared immediately after refusing to come?
Secondly, vacationing together can be difficult even with someone we know well. Each person has their own daily habits and different activities. Who among us has not quarreled in a fight after a vacation with friends?
And here are people seeing each other for the first time. Even if you discussed all the nuances in detail before the meeting, everything can go wrong. Then the trip will be ruined for both. So I recommend holding the first meeting on your territory. And not particularly patronize a man.
The average Western man, even if he was not in Eastern Europe by his 40-50 years, he was in many other places, so he is able to book a hotel, tickets, come, get there and find you.
Further, everything depends on your mutual sympathies. The second, return visit can already be made to you. Dare, the wider the range of options, the higher the probability of making the right choice. Good luck!