It is very important for everyone to be able to forgive offenders. After all, bitterness destroys the body, corrodes the soul, alienates us from loved ones. On the eve of the bright holiday of Easter, it is so important to learn to forgive!
Admit you’ve been wronged
Grievances cause irreparable harm: we lose faith in goodness and honesty, we stop trusting people and the world as a whole. Moreover, often the victim begins to reproach himself, blaming everything. And then the person starts to get sick.
Sometimes we make an effort on ourselves and forget the offense. But pain and disappointment do not go anywhere – they are repressed and live in the unconscious. Therefore, first of all, psychologists recommend admitting that you have been treated unworthily. With this step, we seem to return the offense to that person, restoring relations with ourselves.
Admit that you have been treated unworthily. With this step, you seem to return the insult, restoring a relationship with yourself.
Stop blaming yourself
Very often, the injured party feels guilty for what happened. Yes, such a paradox! This happens because resentment hurts some part of our personality: self-esteem, reputation, etc. It is very important to determine what exactly is hurt, which ideal part of us has suffered. And yet admit that you are a living person who can make mistakes, and not an ideal girl.
By this we will stop the destructive action that resentment brings to our personality.
It is very important to decide which ideal part of us has suffered. And admit that you are a living person who can make mistakes, and not the perfect girl
Try to understand the offender
This is a very useful practice. In the heat of a quarrel, it seems to us that the offender is just a fiend, he is stronger and bigger than us. But one has only to try to understand his motives, as this person will appear in a different light. And you suddenly discover that he is not a villain at all, but simply afraid of something, unhappy, lonely, etc. This technique will help us see his weaknesses. Ask yourself these questions: what was this person like as a child, did his parents love him, did he have friends in childhood and teenage years? How much did his peers like him?
His personality will become smaller and often at the same time the damage caused by him is already seen in a different light (not so dramatic, one that can already be worked with).
But one has only to try to understand the motives of the one who offended us, how this person will appear in a different light.
Let go of the pain
Do not rush to pretend that everything has magically recovered. Resentment is such a complex feeling that you just need to live it, give yourself time. You can imagine the offender and mentally tell him: “I forgive you,” and thank you for the lesson you have learned. It happens that this magic phrase must be repeated several times until you let go of the offense with all your heart.
Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. But you will immediately understand if forgiveness has come – you will no longer feel guilty, angry, bitter. And often, along with the resentment we let go, we also let go of the person who brought us pain.
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Author: Ekaterina Shanti