“You are selfish,” my mother would tell me when I wanted to do something that I want, not what she wants. “You are selfish,” the men said when I reminded them that my interests existed in our relationship. “You are selfish,” the boss said when I answered that I could not constantly stay late at work, because besides her, I have another life.

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How often the rebuke of selfishness can actually be deciphered “How come you don’t want to do what I want?”. And it sounds from people who consider themselves in the right to take, but have not learned to give. They are indignant whenever they meet with a reminder that neither the world nor the other person owes them anything. They are indignant and accuse – “the world is unfair”, “people are selfish”.

I am selfish, I protect myself and my interests.

Taking care of yourself means saying “stop” to long monologues on the phone of people who do not belong to the inner circle that is entitled to my ears and time. I’d rather take a walk or sleep or read. My time is valuable. And someone else’s long monologue is interesting either from someone who is ready to hear mine or from the theater stage. And it all depends on the quality

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Taking care of yourself means refusing appointments if they are scheduled without taking into account my plans and conveniences. The meeting is what all its participants need, which means that the plans of all should be taken into account. There are a number of people who have the right to make appointments unilaterally. But we are not talking in this case about the subpoena.

Take care of yourself means “No” to all online acquaintances from other time zones who want to communicate with me at night, because they have a morning or afternoon. For normal functioning in the day, I need healthy sleep and rest. Or be prepared to find a convenient time on the weekends or to alternate my sleep deprivation with yours.

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To take care of yourself is to answer “this does not concern you” to everyone who shows an intrusive interest in my personal life, my affairs or plans. And most importantly – to everyone who wants to “cause” good. When I want to share something, I share. If you want to do a good deed, then we have a lot of orphanages, nursing homes, animal shelters – there is not a single good thing in them, it is never superfluous.

See also: Psychologist: everything that comes quickly, lives short

To take care of yourself means to use energy sparingly, to correlate the costs of obtaining a result and the result itself. Refuse to do things where the return is less than the cost. Refuse people who “pull out” my energy with their endless whining, complaints, anger.

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Taking care of yourself means eating good food, whether it’s cooked at home or in a restaurant. If I need to grab a bite to eat in the city between work, I go to a restaurant rather than the nearest McDonald’s or supermarket cookery. If I eat at home, I cook myself delicious and fresh food from fresh ingredients. “How are you not too lazy to cook for yourself?” or “Don’t you feel sorry for the time to walk around the market in search of vegetables from the “grandmother”?” – ask “non-egoists”. “It’s not laziness and it’s not a pity,” I answer and think about how these people live, for whom they cook and why, if they don’t consider it important to take care of their own health.

Taking care of myself means calling a taxi when I am very tired, without regretting the wasted money.

If I save money but not myself, then what’s the point – money is good for Swiss banks, and hospitals are bad for those who do not take good care of themselves.

Taking care of yourself means “NO” to someone else’s imposed and this is “Yes” to your desired one.

I take care of myself as if I were a Ming Dynasty porcelain Chinese vase. And let someone say condemningly “she is selfish!”, and I sadly think that people take care of the vases of the Ming Dynasty better than they take care of themselves. Maybe that’s why vases last longer?