It seems clear where to look for a potential candidate for a husband: the same dating sites, online and face-to-face express dating services, matchmakers, social networks – there are a million opportunities to meet. However, many women continue to complain that they cannot find a mate. Acquaintances either do not start at all, or a man disappears after a couple of meetings. And you have to start all over. Why?
Of course, you can endlessly criticize all these ways of finding suitors, they say, everyone is looking only for sex or easy relationships without obligations. You can spread criticism more widely – men have been crushed.
By the way, if you call the quality of men, or rather, their poor quality, the main reason for your matrimonial failures, then here is the main reason for your loneliness – men feel the vibes emanating from a woman, and if she constantly broadcasts something that briefly sounds “you are a goat” – it is not surprising that only notorious masochists can attract this message. Those for whom humiliation is a familiar environment
Indeed, there are many different things on the Internet: sex tourists, scammers, and just sick people there, but I know many examples of happy families whose acquaintance took place on the Web.
So why do some women get married, while others are unlucky?
As I said above, one of the reasons for loneliness may be a deep inner rejection of a man. Then you should deal with him in the office of a psychologist.
Another “hard” case is a deep and unconscious desire not to get married. When everything seems to be fine – a woman is sweet, gentle, active in the search. He seeks and finds men, but all relationships with them fall apart at the earliest stages. And this happens, for example, within 10 years. It is my deep conviction that any strong desires come true: whoever wants to get married sooner or later gets out, whoever wants a career builds it, whoever wants to get rich gets richer. If you want something, but it has not been realized for quite a long time, and there are no objective reasons for this, most likely, somewhere deep, on an unconscious level, you want something completely different.
Why is there such a change of desires?
This is also the subject of work with a psychologist. Most likely, such a woman has persistent stereotypes imposed by society and family. Refusal of them is perceived by her as a threat of loss of communication, contact, acceptance by a group of people significant to her. Therefore, in words and actions, she demonstrates in every possible way the diligence to do as they want. But at the same time, her own desires to remain alone do not disappear anywhere. And they find such a way out in the form of supposedly obstacles that are constantly on the way to a goal that is not their own.
You can check yourself whether your case falls into this category with a simple question: “I want to get married so that? ..” What exactly will marriage bring into your life? Those who really want to get married have a clear picture, a model of how marriage will change their lives. If there are no answers to this question, or it sounds something like “well, they still come out,” then most likely we are dealing with a substitution of goals, and this needs to be dealt with together with a psychologist.
What other reasons may prevent marriage?
The most banal. I like to watch various reality shows dedicated to dating, the same “Let’s Get Married” program, it is very clear in it what gestures and behavior of the heroines repel a man from them. For example, when meeting a woman, she abruptly throws out her hand for a handshake – this is an aggressive gesture that is appropriate in a business environment. In a personal acquaintance, female aggression and pressure repel a man. Or when going down the stairs, when a man’s hand instinctively reaches out to support a woman, this is such a very natural male gesture – to take care of a woman. But the woman does not notice this outstretched hand, she does not accept it and goes down the steps as if the man was not around.
Or, for example, a woman leads the conversation all the time, she asks questions, one says all the time “I”, “and here I am”, “and with me”, a man, firstly, there is no space left to be active, he becomes such a passive responder; secondly, the constant broadcasting of “I” causes a feeling of self-sufficiency. How can a man penetrate this structure? He just feels unwanted.
Also, a woman may have some unrealistic requirements for a man or, in general, an unrealistic image of the desired man. The most banal example: “I want to marry a young successful businessman.” And do you correspond to such a man, do you lead a lifestyle that allows you to get to know him? If you work as a subway token seller, then it’s unlikely, because these businessmen drive cars and don’t go down the subway at all.
How can you notice all these mistakes, we do not see ourselves from the outside?
You can ask close friends, even the husbands of friends, for feedback: ask how they perceive you from the outside, if nothing repels them in your gestures or manner of communication. As for the reality of the image of a man, you can independently describe the portrait of “my ideal man” at home, then read it aloud and understand whether it fits with you and your lifestyle. If not, then think about how you can make it more real.
Getting married is a very feasible goal for a woman who really wants it. It doesn’t matter how old you are, whether you have children, ex-husbands, where you live and who you work with. The main thing is to know that you want it and that you are open to new experiences and new acquaintances. You understand that not all of them will be successful or not all will be successful quickly. But in any case, the road will always be mastered by the walking one. Follow the path of your desires.