It is no secret that mostly women come to a psychologist. Married and not so married. The ones that aren’t really with the question of how to have at least some kind of stable relationship with someone other than a cat. But many do not dare even with a cat – “animals are a big responsibility.” To my specific questions, who do you want to find, why, what do you tolerate and what not in a relationship, what are you ready to give a man, who is responsible for what – the ladies get lost, they start babbling something about “soul mate, great love, he will appear and I will immediately understand that it is He, he will understand me without words … Conflicts? What are you, what conflicts, he understands without words, and we will do everything together.
An infantile dream of a man who will come, accept, understand, will not offend, will not disappoint, will guess everything and they will live, live, and make good, in peace and harmony, like lovebirds. But can it be embodied in reality, where two different people enter into a relationship? Even if they have the same values, views, tastes, if they really want to be together, can they understand each other so that they do not need to talk? I think this unity comes after many years of marriage. And that’s not for everyone.
And as for the people who just met, misunderstanding, conflicts, difficulties of grinding are inevitable. Recently married, I am a mature woman and I am a psychologist who seems to know more about misunderstandings than anyone else. But every time in simple everyday things I meet with how my husband can have different ideas and how much we both have to work to create common ones. So soulmates do not meet, soulmates are created in daily communication when both parties want to move towards each other.
But what if an infantile dream is superimposed on zero activity? I once had a client who read a bunch of books on the topic “how to make him fall in love with you in 10 dates”, “how to get married by correspondence”, “building the ideal image of an ideal wife”who attended various women’s trainings, who has a profile on all popular dating sites, yes, and who came to me for the same – How to meet the man of your dreams and marry him. The activity of the client seemed to go off scale, but when I asked her a simple question “Do you date?“, I heard a surprised answer “no, why waste time, I want it so that I don’t make a mistake right away”.
Another came with the same theme of lack of privacy, to the question “Where do you meet?”said “But nowhere, on the Internet, there are only perverts, at work everyone is married and older, I have no hobbies, sometimes I go to a cafe with a friend, we sit there and wait, maybe someone will get to know us”. One is excessively active, only all activity is concentrated in circles, around men, but not in communication with them. The second just sits and waits, well at least not at home. Apparently already understands “that the horse will not fit into the elevator“. But how long will she wait for her prince at the tables of the nearest cafes?
It so happened, again, having married, that my husband and I formed several bachelor friends who, looking at our history, want the same for themselves – a house, a family, a loved one nearby. They ask us “meet someone”. I made 6 or 7 attempts to introduce my free friends to these bachelors. Not necessarily married, sex, everything is serious – chat, have dinner, take a walk –“what if you will be pleasant together and together you will decide whether it is worth extending this“ pleasant ”. None of them agreed to just call a man, let alone meet. “I kind of want, but not really, but who is he, oh, well, I don’t know, I’m afraid, maybe later, when I lose weight” and all with such laziness, slowly, not in a hurry to answer, not just “yes” or “no”, but at least “I’ll think about it.”
Languid and beautiful princesses from the towers, but no one will storm your towers, and even a table in a cafe where you sit and dream not just of meeting a man, but of meeting a soul mate, love and happiness forever. Because, as the old parable said,“If you want to win the lottery, at least buy a lottery ticket.”
You need to learn how to communicate with a man not in training, but in real life. Finding the right partner is only by meeting and choosing from many different ones. The relationship of souls or love is not a shot in the head, feelings and intimacy are born from relationships, from what you share every day for two. Be an active participant in your life and then life will throw you prizes.
Until the last breath: the struggle for the man
Unrequited love: how to move on
Blowjob for a bowl of soup or a man must, a woman must