With age, a woman’s world changes. Age generally changes everything: gray hair, fat deposits on the hips, wrinkles. Or the gym five times a week, coloring once every two, a beautician regularly, so that everyone would mistake you for your own daughter’s girlfriend. Or somewhere in the middle, when you follow the gray hair, but you don’t die if you miss the next painting. Just because I was lazy, I didn’t have time, more important things arose. Education. Several. Hobby. A favorite business that brings a stable income. Confidence in who you are and what you want. Understanding the passage of time. The importance of rest. The value of your space, your world. These are the pillars that grow over the years.

Love is not enoughLove is not enough

But with them, the value of a man disappears and a different value of love appears.

Of course, if they tell you about this at the age of 20, at 30, even at 35, you will indignantly object “I don’t believe it, it can’t be, it’s easy for those who are married to talk about this” or “only losers say that they didn’t get married, to somehow justify their loneliness.

LonelinessLoneliness

And now I remember how ten years ago I could wait for days for only one SMS and cry bitterly that it did not come. Spend hours discussing with girlfriends what his meaningful “hello, how are you?” means? or spend hours, days, months looking for and screening applicants on dating sites. When every contact with a man was analyzed, thought over, expected. And how much space in my head was occupied by romantic fantasies about our happy future and that every relationship is the beginning of great and pure love.

In its own way, this is a pleasant state when you are always in anticipation of something beautiful. You are not living, you are only looking forward to the fact that He is about to appear in your life and everything will spin in an amazing and magical carnival of love. Even if you meet not a fabulous and rich prince, but a modest employee of a modest office, you will still be carried away with him to a wonderful world called Family Life. Or Die unmarried losers, I’m no longer with you.

Real loveReal love

With age, this value of a man as a symbol of female happiness disappears. You no longer need relationships for the sake of relationships or marriage for the sake of status. You care about quality. And if he is not there, then “sorry and goodbye, dear, there will be someone else.” You also understand that you don’t need to look for a man, you don’t need to kill time and effort to look through profiles and go on boring dates. Men circulate in life as regularly as public transport, and you choose what is more pleasant for you to travel, by bus, metro, or better to call a taxi.

No, this is not callousness and cynicism. Not insensitivity. Back in 1967, John Lennon wrote a song All you need is lovewhich has become the anthem of many generations. A cold narcissist, a man who beat both his wives, psychologically mocked his eldest son, who later completely forgot him, insulted colleagues and staff working for him. I suspect that he did not know anything about love, but he deduced the formula “all you need is love”, and the world picked it up and believed it. The idealization of love is present not only in music, but also in cinema and literature. They all push the idea of ​​some magical property of love. Love will redeem everything, love will overcome everything, love will forgive everything. She alone is enough to go into fire, and into water, and to hard labor, and to death.

LoveLove

In youth, we enter into relationships with all this idealistic-pathetic nonsense in our heads. And then it turns out – she loves him, he loves her, and also drink. Or he loves her, but she does not love him and will never love him. She loves him, he loves her, as well as his wife, and cannot choose in any way. From these torments, he escapes in the third bed, which he will also soon fall in love with. She loves him, he loves her, she wants a house, a family, two kids and a dog. And he leaves for an ashram in Goa and intends to devote the next 10 years to meditation. In between which he will lovingly look at her photograph, taped to a palm tree. She loves him and he loves her too, but she has as many as five nasty kitties, one of which regularly sits in his slippers. Or maybe they all piss together or take turns. How long do such unions last? Despite the fact that initially there is a lot of love in them. And the holy faith “love will judge everything.”

With age, you understand that for a happy union, in addition to love, you need common goals, similarity of habits, or at least not their mutual exclusion. From the series, he is a meat eater, and she is a vegan. Coincidence of basic values. General understanding and filling of the budget. No matter how youth would deny the vanity of everything material in the great union of magical love, and you live when you love him, he loves you, you earn money, but he does not. He lies on the couch and dreams about how one day he will get up in it and become rich. Years pass. You still work, and he still lies. The sofa was falling apart. You understand that you will buy a new one with your own money. And you throw away the old sofa along with the man lying on it. Do you think about love then? Is it enough? I think so, in the sense that you will never again get into such an idyllic adventure called “love will heal everything.” In general, you will no longer put love as the first criterion for the formation of a couple. You will put your earnings, at least on his sofa, and only then everything else.

Love is not enoughLove is not enough

So yes, you do get smarter as you get older. You understand that a man is not a unique commodity, love is not the only feeling. And it’s not about depreciation. In one lifetime you can love many people. To love in different ways, both being in a relationship and not. But you definitely can’t love someone who doesn’t love you for a long time. And no love is worth the loss of self-respect, self-love, trust in the world, a sense of self-worth. To be in a relationship with someone, you need a more compelling reason than love. You need a quality of relationship to which love will be attached. One love is not enough.