The era of patriarchy has sunk into oblivion. Families where the husband earns and the wife runs the house and takes care of the children are becoming less and less common. Women want to work not only because money brings freedom, but because work is interest and development.
Since women have their own income, this also corrects the relationship between the sexes. More and more women are looking for a man for the soul, and not because he can provide and solve all their problems.
But this is how the world works, if someone has a resource, there will always be someone who does not have it, and who wants to fill their gaps at the expense of another. If earlier gigolos met only in literary novels, curled around show business stars or heirs of family fortunes, now in the life of ordinary ordinary women with a stable average income there is a high risk of meeting a man who will only be interested in her money. Or in general, everything that a woman can give him.
Therefore, women are concerned with the question of how to recognize such a consumer at an early stage, so as not to get hurt in unequal relationships and not waste time.
I am often asked if a man can earn less than a woman, that if he does not have his own housing, does this mean that he is a gigolo?
No, these facts alone do not determine anything. Modern life is such that people migrate in search of a better future, housing prices, especially in the capitals, are unrealistic, so a man can be a visitor. And there is nothing wrong with the fact that he will settle in the territory of a woman. Especially if a woman has this territory and she owns it. Same with lower wages. It is not the magnitudes and amounts that are important, but what a person invests in the relationship as a whole.
I don’t know men without any income. Unless you found it on the street handing out free soup from the Salvation Army. And then, I will reveal a terrible secret, even our yard bum Vitaly, who lives in the basement, has an income in the form of a disability pension, which he receives and drinks with enviable constancy. However, Vitaly is not without responsibility and generosity of soul. How do I know? Once I lent him a small amount, not hoping for a return. The amount was returned by Vitaly just in time, from the pension, along with a box of chocolates, which he embarrassedly held out to me with hands hardened with dirt. If Vitaliy, a homeless person, can present sweets to a woman under all his circumstances and conditions, then an ordinary man, not a homeless person, all the more so. The absence of gifts, even small and inexpensive ones, is one of the bad signs of self-interest. Especially if your gifts are accepted with joy, their value and brand are also considered.
It is also an alarming sign if a man constantly has no money for you. That is, you know that he basically has some amounts, he even promises that upon receiving the next one, you will definitely go and buy something with them. Or a payment is about to come to him and he will add them to your budget with him, but for now, before payment “be patient dear”. You endure, but when a man receives a tranche, there is always some more urgent waste – he himself fell ill, his relatives fell ill, a friend demands to repay a debt, a car breaks down and they offer you to wait, to endure a little more. You endure, pull your budget yourself or sit and wait for the next promises to take you somewhere, but they still don’t come true. Here it doesn’t matter to me whether it’s intentional use or the man just has such bad luck. The main thing is that next to this person you will always have some kind of hole – in finances, in time, in energy, in mood. Where there is a hole, it is always about unequal relations, about donation, the survival of one at the expense of the other.
If a man asks to do something for him – to lend money, invest in his business, take a loan, put in a good word, provide a service. Even partners with a long relationship and with a huge margin of trust do not always risk asking each other for this. And if you just met, your relationship lasts no more than a few months, and he already has huge problems that he generously shares with you and does not refuse when you offer help. And for you, this help is definitely big and risky. You can take a chance if this man is very dear to you, but first find out what guarantees he is ready to provide. If the question of guarantees, he only says “everything will be fine, you know me, I promise”then there is a high probability that then they will simply pat you on the shoulder or on the cheek and say “I’m sorry, it happened” or even added to the black list or disappear. Before meeting you, a man did not live in a vacuum, even if he had recently moved to your city or country. He should have relatives, friends, colleagues who are asked for help in the first place, and do not bring down their problems on a woman they recently met, to whom they also want to “roll up”.
Of course, incorrigible idealists may consider such a gesture a manifestation of special trust. Say “he trusts me so much if he decided to open up and talk about debts”, “he sees his future with me if he offers to invest in his business”. But let trust be better expressed in his phone, which is not hiding from you or in the pin code from the credit card that the man gives you with the words “take as much as you need”.
In general, for me, an indicator of the quality of relations is not the resource invested – who spends how much or who pays for what, but the resource acquired. If in a relationship you have a feeling of fullness, energy, even when it is difficult financially, this means that the exchange between partners is equal, healthy. If next to a man you have a constant feeling that you give more – no matter what, money or emotions – the wonderful “tomorrow” is all postponed, and now everything is “difficult and difficult” and the man brings these difficulties, you are tired, depressed, most likely the relationship is not equal. Your partner is using you. Then there is only one way out – to leave, so as not to be squeezed out and thrown away, like a lime in a Mojito cocktail.