Even Eric Berne, in his book “Games People Play”, wrote that love can grow out of friendship, but friendship cannot grow out of love.
For me, this truth is obvious – communication is a great start for any relationship. If everything is successful in this segment, then the couple moves on to a closer distance – friendship, checks each other in interaction and mutual assistance. If everything is fine here, then on the basis of friendship, a stable emotional connection is formed – love. Love has been given many definitions, but for me it is a form that has attraction, friendship and affection. If there was love, but the relationship did not work out, then it is impossible to return back to the friend zone, no matter how those who say “I am friends with the former” beat their chests. Because the two recognized each other as they did not want to know, otherwise love would have developed. And this knowledge is not going anywhere.
Just such a persistent friendship with the former speaks of the game, that someone did not accept the parting and prefers to stay at least some distance, just not to be out.
But consider the option when everything started wonderfully, he and she met, they are cute to each other, they even talk about looking for a partner. There is communication, interest, friendship develops into friendship, and then it does not grow anywhere. Two stick in the friend zone and walk around in it. It also has a lot of play. As a rule, it is led by a girl. An example of such a game can be found in almost every season of the Bachelor show. A group of girls come to a romantic show, in private interviews, each of them says that she wants to find love and how one suffers. The creators throw them a beautiful male. Let alone, but you can try something. However, there will definitely be one heroine who will begin to be friends with him.
What is it expressed in? In some fleeting movements and gestures, like patting on the shoulder, shaking hands, drinking more alcohol, and other elements of behavior that are characteristic of men. This is how a company of guys behaves, but when a girl starts doing the same in relation to a guy, it looks unnatural and funny.
Lack of coquetry and deliberate seriousness, do not touch each other, talk only on smart topics, avoid eye contact – turn on such a slight coldness to push the man away.
Or play “everything is complicated”: what I want – I don’t know what I’m looking for – I don’t understand, I like you, but I need time, I’m not ready for sex, because everything is so incomprehensible, but you stay close for now, maybe I’ll all- I’ll deal with my complex nature, at the same time, “warm up” my pride.
Such heroines fly out of the show quite quickly, even if at first they were the clear favorites of the bachelor. Because in a relationship with them, a man quickly begins to feel like an idiot, because he definitely didn’t come to look for “his boyfriend” or “boyfriend shirt”. And if you do some publicity, then anyway, a man will never give up the opportunity to get close to the girl he likes. And at the same time, the girl does not accept his male part, does not accept sexuality, wants to put “comrade” in the position, then where to put her masculine?
I think that girls who use the “we’re just friends” trick are really not in trouble with their sexuality. It is possible that external manifestations like sexual clothing have been mastered, but they are not in contact with internal sex epilogue. And this is normal for youth. We were all afraid, did not know, made mistakes on the way of knowing our sexuality. And here it depends on the man whether he will create safe conditions for her to take a risk. Why from a man, because we live in an era of equal rights? No matter what they say about rights, we are primates, at a deep level, we remain them. In primates, the male shows his prowess, utters a battle cry or emits a special aroma, in other words, he manifests himself in such a way that she understands that he is confident and strong. If he does not manifest himself in any way, just sits and waits for her to do something herself, evolution would not take place. So guys, if you feel like your time in the friend zone is getting too long, do something, at least talk about why this is happening and what expectations you have from each other.
Sometimes such a long friend zone dance is the worst option – manipulation, when a girl does not really like a guy, but she holds him in case until someone more suitable meets. I think that any manipulation is palpable, although at first it is difficult to admit that you have been taken advantage of. But it’s better to do it and stop using it than not recognize it, stay and thus support the game.
Friendship is a wonderful state, but as Eric Berne wrote “Love is the most complete and rewarding relationship of all and includes the very best of other relationships: respect, admiration, inclusion, friendship and intimacy all rolled into one, with the addition of its own grace and charm.” Don’t deprive yourself, love.