The term “crazy ex” is one of those phrases that we should immediately cut out of our vocabulary, even if we really want to. And in this article we will tell you why.
Everyone has heard of them: “Crazy exes” terrorize ex-boyfriends and their significant other, like terrible evil witches or monsters from the darkness of Howard Lovecraft’s imagination. But what if we told you that it’s wrong to call someone “crazy” just because they’re in pain after a breakup.
What’s Wrong with the “Crazy Ex”
It took only once to stumble upon the words of psychology professor Craig Jackson to understand: “crazy ex” is rather a diagnosis of our hypocritical society, which is used to stigmatizing any manifestation of emotions from refined joy to nuclear rage.
“The term ‘nutty ex’ can be really problematic,” Jackson says. “Some men use it as a label for women with whom they have engaged in abusive relationships, thus removing any blame from their own actions. They transfer the blame from themselves to the woman, suggesting that she is inherently unstable and flawed, suggesting to others that problems in such relationships are her fault. If a woman does not cope well with a breakup, this again means that she is inferior and even dangerous.
Now let’s remember all the boyfriends that said something like “She’s just sick in the head” about their ex-girlfriends.
Why the “Crazy Ex” Isn’t Always Like This
Let’s be honest: many human emotions around are in a hurry to stigmatize with strong words. Sentimental equal to crybaby. Restrained equally callous snag. Rectilinear is equally abnormal.
It was abnormal men who called women most often, attributing various diseases to the most inconvenient female representatives for them.
For example – they coined the term “hysteria” and for a long time mocked women, an extremely small percentage of whom actually suffered from mental disorders. Now the term “hysteria” is not used by doctors because of the ambiguity and its obsolescence, but women are constantly called hysterical.
Another example of women trying to be seen as abnormal is gaslighting in abusive relationships.
Gaslighting is when one of the partners uses psychological violence against the other, making them doubt their own adequacy, trying to make him “defective” and sick in the head.
Now we are very close to the term “crazy ex”.
“Crazy” is usually called an ex-girlfriend who is having a hard time breaking up with a partner. But why is this happening and is the former herself always to blame?
We will answer that in most cases it is the man who loudly declares that he has a “crazy ex” that is to blame.
Why Breakups Hurt:
- disappointment due to shattered hopes;
- resentment due to the fact that they exchanged for someone else;
- a sharp drop in self-esteem;
- so far.
When we break up with partners, negative emotions very often arise, and this is normal.
Is it okay to be upset?
Yes. It is perfectly normal to experience all the consequences of a broken heart, and also to live them in the way that suits you.
Some people close in on themselves and pretend that everything is fine. Some people start to show aggression. Some go straight to a psychologist.
The main thing is to understand when the annoyance and pain from a broken heart goes beyond and draws you into depression, self-destruction or suicidal motives. In this case, you should go to a specialist and work out this problem.
Is it okay to call upset exes “nuts”?
No. As long as we decry negative emotions and sensitivities, many will suffer not only from having their heart broken, but also from being labeled mentally unstable.
You don’t have to call your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend crazy. Just try to understand what it’s like to suddenly find your heart broken. And, of course, you should not take all the stories of others at their word.