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Remember that it’s okay to be in pain

We react painfully to rejection, whether it be friendships, romantic relationships, or communication with colleagues. Once such a reaction was necessary for survival. When we lived in tribes, being rejected and driven out of the community was almost equal to death. Therefore, if someone rejects us, there is such a strong chemical reaction in the brain that it causes physical pain.

After that, we go through several stages. First we blame ourselves. It seems to us that we have upset the other person in some way. Then we experience humiliation and shame, we feel our own weakness. We’re trying to win back that person’s goodwill. “It’s not even because we want to like him,” explains psychotherapist Sean Grover, “it’s just that we don’t like feeling that someone doesn’t like us.” In the end, we feel like a failure.

These sensations are unpleasant, but completely normal. The main thing is not to dwell on them and move on.

Don’t blame yourself for everything

Because of the openly expressed hostility of others, many begin to doubt themselves. But do not forget: people’s actions are usually explained by their own problems and experiences. It’s not about you personally and not about the other person, but about both of you.

It’s just that this particular person at this particular moment of life is incompatible with you.

In addition, the location of the other person is largely related to the benefits you bring to him, even if unconsciously. “It shows up in animals, too,” said Jennifer Verdolin, an animal behavior researcher at Duke University. “They prefer to spend time with individuals who are similar to them in status, personality, or genetic connections.”

If you have nothing in common that would be valuable to both parties, you will be rejected. It’s almost inevitable.

Analyze your behavior

Do not blame yourself for the fact that someone did not like you. However, if this happens all the time, try to take an objective look at your behavior.

Ask them to explain the reason why you were rejected. For example, you may have been told that you show off a lot or are self-centered. Consider if there is some truth in this. Analyze your behavior. If you really do this and it is unpleasant for other people, work on yourself.

Just don’t overdo it. Of course, some of your habits can annoy others. But often it simply reflects the person’s fears, prejudices, or unpleasant memories.

Make new friends little by little

Once in a new circle of people, we feel lonely. For example, at a new job or after moving to another city. In such situations, the relationship of the others has already developed – it is easy to feel like an outsider.

Move into the new environment gradually. For example, invite one of your colleagues to have lunch together. But don’t try to join the group right away. Contact the one who is most friendly.

Not everyone is ready to immediately accept you with open arms. Focus on those who are willing to step forward.

Spend more time with those who appreciate you

Surely you have at least a few people who you can rely on in difficult times. Chat with them more often. This will increase your self-esteem and restore your self-confidence.

Strengthen relationships with people who appreciate you. This is more beneficial than worrying about those who rejected you.

And remember, the best way to make true friendships is to be sincere. Don’t wait for everyone to come to you. This attitude will not attract others to you at all.

Send the haters away

At least mentally. Sometimes you just need to accept that someone is against you. “It’s okay if you have an enemy,” says Sean Grover. “If people are jealous of you, ignore it.”

Don’t intentionally turn others against you. But if someone does not like you and this feeling is mutual, then do not worry. You don’t have to try to appease him at all.