Memes about the former do not lie – this creature is capable of the biggest stupidity and the strangest speeches. We asked women about the dumbest things their ex-boyfriends and husbands did, and this is what they told us.


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Olga: “But what was not enough for you?”

13 years ago I studied at a university and wrote a scientific paper. My then MCH said, “Once again I find out that you went to [имя руководителя] – without talking I’ll come to you [лицу]”. We broke up.

After 12 years, he asks: “Why did we break up then, what did you lack in our relationship?” I remind him of this story, with a quote. The answer killed me:

“Well, yes, I remember. I’m sorry, I was angry and emotional at the time. What was missing for you?”

Vlada: “One stole a laptop, and the second sawed the keys”

My ex once gave me a laptop, and when he left he took it. It was 20 years ago, computers were expensive then and it was the most important working tool. I tried to get the gift back, but I was told that it was broken, broken and not repaired at all, you just need to throw it away … A couple of years later, the concept changed: “I’m sitting, reading your old articles … I remember you.” Are you serious? On a discarded computer? Well … and by the way. Comp took away, but left me a gorgeous child and many wonderful friends.

A beautiful, passionate, but very impulsive young man, in response to my proposal to leave, grabbed me in his arms and carried … to his home. I kicked and screamed, but everyone around me thought it was a joke. In the end, I managed to break free. Later it turned out that he had made the keys to his apartment for me that very day and was about to propose. And this is how I let it down. In general, I received by mail then an envelope with two sawn keys. Very symbolic… Hmm…

Lera: “How to seduce a granny service”

There was a time when I dated a guy who was obsessed with the gym, protein and living from machine to machine. The first time I thought about running away was when he first invited me to his house.

“Understood, accepted,” I thought, and, anticipating a romantic evening, put on the most beautiful underwear, shaved my legs and went straight to the date.

Mr. X met me in stretched sweatpants and a T-shirt, invited me into the house. We went into the living room, and then I noticed that the athlete was in no hurry to be hospitable. He entered the living room after me, and, stopping at a Soviet sideboard with a glass door, began to show bitsukha to plates, saucers, his grandmother’s service and a whole collection of porcelain boys and girls. It lasted five minutes, and all five minutes I wanted to yell:

“Moron, you’re fighting in the wrong place!”

Alina: “Gift from the boss?”

I’ll gladly give it to my collection. My ex, who worked as a security guard for some person in the cool 90s, once dragged a VCR-deuce into the house. The Soviets who saw the sunset remember that this thing was then expensive and in short supply.

This item, as the ex proudly told, was presented to him by his boss. For the fact that when they were running away from some bandits in a car, the ex, leaning out the window, shot at the pursuers from the injury “on the slopes”, and hit. The bandit car fell into a ditch, and the boss for saving his boss life, here, presented it in gratitude.

The next day, my mother-in-law (who lived in , married to a colonel) called and asked how we liked her gift – this very video deuce.

Ilona: “Adult enema”

The child had colic, asked to buy an enema. They bought it. Adult. For me. I did not understand, I thought that I needed it. Yeah, that’s how I would do it myself, and the colic disappeared from the child.

Ira: “Telephone hooliganism”

He got into my phone and changed the last digit of the number of three male friends.

Tatyana: “Lost”

Proudly “gave” me my first smartphone on the DR (I bought it with my money), then I lost my phone, asked for my brand new gift for a couple of days – I urgently needed it – and immediately lost it drunk!

Karina: “Topographic dullness”

The only thing I can immediately remember in the middle of the fields on a dry road was stuck in a single puddle. From the same series – in May, on winter tires, I drove into the forest for some, on the ascent up the hill on a sandy road, I stalled, slipped to the point that the car turned evenly between two pines.

Tanya: “Remote jealous”

I found the phone of the former (German) in my notebook, got drunk and called him in Germany: “I will kill you …” – for a couple more years after we parted with him.

Veronica: “Too frank”

One of these artiodactyls, not likely often and with great predilection, told about his love affairs in all colors and angles. I was able to understand that he was doing interesting things with the romantic nature of Balzac’s age.

Should I tell you how I choked on coffee at that moment?

Natasha: “Vrunishka”

I have something small. For example, I caught a lie, I say: “Then you said the opposite.” And he told me with heat:

“It was me THEN lying! And now I’m telling the TRUTH!

Or about someone else. A friend came and asked if we were really going to get married and rent an apartment. I was completely unaware of such plans.

Tanya: “Memberism. Literal”

Bgg, I had an epic fool in my youth, but I can’t remember much at once. One thing only came to mind – I’m sitting on the couch, chatting with my mother on the phone. And the sofa has such a plump back. And now he even jumps around me, making faces, his mood is good. Pulls out a member and puts it on the back next to me. I look at him sternly and start to turn away so as not to be distracted from the conversation.

And then he, with all his foolishness, fists on the penis with his fist.

Then, of course, he starts screaming wildly and rolling around on the floor. When he was let go, he already began to laugh and say that he himself did not know what had gone into his head, he thought that the sofa was soft and would not hurt.

The boy was 26 years old, and I think by then he should have guessed that it would hurt. But no.

Alena: “To the party with your salad”

There were too correct healthy lifestyle people who, coming to a party with their tray, not the most delicious salad, annoyed those around them with comments about the harm of the most delicious potatoes in the universe, alcohol and tobacco, where without it.

Elena: “Sleeping” handsome “

He came to the apartment, closed the door on the latch, turned off the sound on the phone and fell asleep. The bell did not work then, or he did not hear it, did not hear the knock, did not hear the home phone. I sat under the door and waited for him to wake up.

Well, I got angry once: I threw my expensive iPod on the floor for a bunch of gigs. Broke it, of course.