We take the basic ideas of what love is and how it manifests from the parental family. In my parental family, it was not customary to say, as in American cinema, “I love you” with or without reason. And in general, the word “love” in relation to people somehow did not hover.

psychology of lovepsychology of love

It was possible to love books, cinema, theater, a sunny day, finally, but not a person.

However, I knew that there is love in the family.

It manifested itself, oddly enough, in food. Or rather, through food. It was customary to feed the one you love with the most delicious and fresh dishes. And also to enclose the object of the greatest love with the best and tidbit. Therefore, for a very long time I sincerely thought that the chicken consists of a ham, breast and giblets, from which an incredibly tasty broth was cooked for me.

And eating up treats alone was not about love. Therefore, even if I really wanted to eat the last piece of cake, I had to first ask all my relatives: “Do you want it? And you?”

psychology of love + and relationshipspsychology of love + and relationships

Later, the family broke up, and my mother stopped cooking altogether. However, the habit of feeding the one I love has stuck in me.

But when I became a young maiden, it seemed to me that everything lacked romance in this. Well, really, is it romantic to cook borscht for a man?

And I began to look for ways to express love in a more poetic and refined way. In literature. Where else to find answers to a lonely, in general, person?

Remarque came in very handy. From his novels, I realized that a bottle of Calvados and a cigarette smoked for two with a man are symbols of the highest form of unity. Since the stories of Remarque’s heroes ended entirely tragically, tears were attached to a glass of Calvados and a cigarette.

Love and drama are inseparable. Love without suffering is not love at all.

the psychology of romantic lovethe psychology of romantic love

Then I did not suspect that this is the motto of the life of a neurotic. I smoked and shed tears. Either over the disappearance of the next “Doctor Ravik”, or from compassion for him – “oh, it’s so hard for him now.”

As an adult, I realized that smoking is bad. Yes, cry too. This is very damaging to the skin.

And I decided to return to the love exchange in the form – I cook borscht for him, and he fixes the faucet leaking in the bathroom for me.

I don’t mind other expressions of love either. But they are not in the external beauty of deeds, not in words, and even more so not in suffering. They are in everyday micro-manifestations of a partner in relation to you.

practical psychology of lovepractical psychology of love

A man who will take all the children for a walk and let his wife sleep an extra couple of hours. Just because he sees how tired she is. A man who talks about his wife: “My Faith says, does and loves it.” Not because she hears or he is henpecked, but because he is genuinely interested in what she thinks or does. My grandfather, under whom my grandmother wore nothing, is heavier than a reticule.

How do you understand love? How do you know that you are loved?

“I do not understand. It seems to me that everyone loves me, but in fact, it turns out not so.

Anastasia, 29 years old

“Probably if, after many years of communication, they continue to joke with you”

Olga, 41 years old

“It seems to me that you can love in different ways, it’s like on a 100-point scale. At first, it’s just “what if something happens, you need to try it,” and then after a few years, you understand that it’s “the right person” next to you. There are different types of love: measured and measured, passionate and crazy, just goosebumps. In my understanding, love is when you are valued as a woman, respected as a person and taken care of like a little girl.

Julia, 30 years old

psychology of men + in lovepsychology of men + in love

“Probably, the actions of people determine the attitude – because you can talk and tell a lot and for a long time, but the attitude towards you makes it possible to make a real assessment”


“The criterion is simple – if you don’t ask this question, then you love it”

Lilia, 40 years old

“The word “Love” was invented by people. ..I didn’t have many men, but with each one everything was different, different. Some said they loved me, but I did not feel it, others were silent on this subject, they were just with me. It seems to me that only if you have been together for many years, then maybe this is love, although during these long years there could be scandals, and resentments, and comings and goings, but – you are still together “

Irina, 50 years old

“Flowers are not needed, it’s better to make dinner”

Ekaterina, 47 years old

What do you understand by the word “love”? Do you feel it from those around you? Are you embarrassed to show your feelings? Share in the comments!