How often did it feel like the whole world was against you? That no one loves you or wants to know you? Read in our article why people think so.
“No one loves me,” hundreds of forum users around the world complain. And many of us understand them perfectly, but try not to admit it, even to ourselves. We decided to figure out why the phrase “no one loves me” is destructive and toxic, and also we will try to give advice on how to get on the path of getting rid of this feeling.
Why do we feel unloved
You get up in the morning, make breakfast, drink coffee on the way to work, come to the office, greet colleagues and work, maybe go to meetings or talk with clients, have lunch and work on, and then go home and have dinner. Perhaps this is mixed with communication with friends or a soulmate – it doesn’t matter.
In any case, you catch yourself thinking: “No one loves me.”
It seems to you that the alarm clock hates you, your family underestimate you, your boyfriend or husband cannot stand your presence, and your friends communicate with you only out of pity. People often feel that they are not loved. This happens in some difficult and difficult moments, but if you do not feel loved all the time and it comes to the point of absurdity, it’s time to worry about your own condition.
Case from childhood
Jokes are jokes, but in this case it is really worth turning to memories from childhood and adolescence. Psychologists say for a reason that all our complexes and problems mainly come from childhood.
The first ones who begin to love us and teach us to love others are the family. As children, we do not choose whether to communicate with mom and dad or not. We just live and revolve in their orbit, and if our parents have a toxic effect on us, there is nothing we can do.
Reasons why we feel unloved:
- Parental inattention (“I’m busy”);
- Too demanding (“It’s a shame for you in front of the neighbors!”, “That’s why you can’t do that? ..”);
- Ignoring needs (“No, you don’t need it”);
- Cruelty to a child or to each other (psychological and physical abuse).
If a child was not loved as a child, it is likely that he will feel unloved or not loved enough in adulthood.
Adolescence is a fertile ground for growing a whole bunch of complexes, problems and attitudes for life. Children left the family, whatever it may be, and immediately plunge into the world of other children, meet with other people’s opinions and other people’s troubles, from which nothing good usually happens.
Bullying at school, academic failure and conflicts with teachers, family problems or a banal unhappy first love – this is what makes teenagers feel like losers. And it is important to talk about and live these problems with a psychologist, otherwise they are preserved and then spoil the whole life in adulthood.
Nobody Loves Me: Consequences
The consequences of feeling the dislike surrounding you are a wagon and a small cart. We will describe some of them.
If you are not loved and constantly criticized, offended for something or for no reason, you can easily gain as many complexes as if they were sold at a 99% discount in ATB and given an unlimited number of hands.
The complexes feed the phrase “no one loves me”, and then immediately respond to it:
“Why love you? You are just like this.”
But in fact, people love not for the beauty of the nose or grades in the diploma. A psychologist or competent introspection helps to deal with this, especially if the complex is old and rough.
If a person is not taught to love himself in childhood, or killed in adolescence, in adulthood such a person will be met with open arms by social awkwardness. A person who was not loved before begins to act destructively, primarily for himself.
If a person was offended more often than loved, he will sooner or later come to the conclusion:
“If I don’t let anyone near me, no one will kick me.”
And he will be right, if judged sensibly. As one movie goes, “If you don’t have a dog, your neighbor won’t poison it.” If there is no boyfriend, he will not change. If there are no friends, they will not betray. In an effort to avoid unpleasant emotions and problems, a person increases the distance between himself and other people, choosing to remain alone.
Such behavior is accompanied by distrust and unwillingness to build trusting relationships, short relationships, a desire not to become attached to anyone.
The opposite state is obsession and the desire to reduce the distance by all means. A person believes that all the problems in a relationship are because of him, and therefore he tries his best and … tries too hard.
Intrusive attention, actions that no one asked for, attempts to achieve someone else’s love with all your might – all this accompanies an unloved person, leads to disappointment, and then to a desire to isolate from everyone.
What if no one loves me
First of all, it is worth recognizing the problem: no one loves you, or it seems to you that others think so. It happens, but you can do something about it. What to do:
- stop deciding for others how they feel about you (stop being paranoid about not being in love);
- go to see a psychologist.
The obsessive thought that no one loves you and destructive behavior against this background is unhealthy, abnormal and requires an instant solution, not conservation. Even if you weren’t loved as a child or teenager, it’s never too late to learn to love others and yourself.