Many articles and books have been written about how to build or improve a relationship with your man, but almost nowhere are there any recommendations on what to do if you are mired in a painful and incomprehensible interaction that comes with an unhealthy dependence on a person. When a man constantly keeps you in suspense, alternating declarations of love with repulsion, but is in no hurry to truly let you go. If the description is familiar to you, know that he is manipulating you to achieve his goals.


Some relationships are like a rollercoaster in purgatory, your trailer either reaches heaven or goes to hell, and nothing but emotional burnout in this situation shines for you. Therefore, you need to turn on your head and begin to carefully observe exactly how your peace of mind with this man turns into minced pork, and slowly reel in the bait, figuring out a retreat plan.

We will look at some basic manipulations that some men are prone to, so that you can notice them in the course of communication and not succumb to provocations.

1. Criticism without explanation

If a man highlights some kind of claim to you (for example: you don’t feel me; you don’t understand the essence of things; you misbehave and countless other variations of empty words), but refuses to explain his point of view, what do you think he wants to achieve by this?

It is clear that if you do something, it is unlikely that it is intentionally bad. And simply emphasizing the problem in the form of “you are wrong” will not be enough for you to understand and stop making mistakes. Thus, the purpose of such tales is not for you to change the incorrect form of behavior and become better, otherwise he would have explained and shown everything in a popular way.

When something really does not suit us, we will do everything to eliminate the cause, as the saying goes: “if you want to eat, go to work.” If you are annoyed by someone’s behavior, you explain to the person what he is doing wrong with respect to you, and why it is worth changing certain points. Pretty logical, isn’t it? Much better than just writing off a person like an old sofa with termites.

If criticism does not lead to improvement of the system, through the study of shortcomings (and for this they need to be understood), then it is not worth responding to it. It is better to dig deeper and understand what a person wants to achieve with this. Most likely, he wants to increase his status at the expense of you.

Therefore, such manifestations must be extinguished at the start, and not with meekness and understanding flutter eyelashes, afraid of losing a loved one because of their own stupidity.

2. “We won’t succeed, I know how everything will end”

If from time to time you hear something similar from “the light of your eyes”, do not rush to be frightened and offended. Who wants to break off relations, he will clearly announce that he intends to stop communication, according to a list of specific reasons. And at this moment, he takes responsibility for this outcome of your relationship.

But when a man says the abstract “nothing will work, nothing will work, everything will end badly”, but at the same time continues to see you, he makes the circumstances responsible for the fact that he behaves like a pig and puts you on the hook.

Having feelings for this person, you will inevitably be obsessed with the desire to show him that he is wrong, to console him, to give him even more love and care. Of course, because you think that the reason is in you. He did not explain what the problem was, and why nothing would come of it, but he did not part with you, which means he loves you. But in fact, this is just manipulation to squeeze even more out of you. That’s when he squeezes everything to the last drop, then he will immediately say “It’s all over between us, because …”.

3. Comparison with previous women

Such a manifestation is unacceptable, although it is very easy to ignore it, not wanting to experience pain and resentment. If a man allows himself to compare you with previous women, pointing out the similarity of your bad traits, this is also a form of manipulation.

You, it seems, are not openly insulted, and therefore vigilance is lost, but in fact, instead of the understanding that human relationships require, you receive a stamp with a serial number and go to the conveyor. A person declares that his opinion of you is this, you cannot change this, and you, as a person, do not represent any value, you are not unique.

With such manipulation, he takes away your self-identification and levels your individuality. You can only compare some qualities of two different people, it is completely useless to compare them, because in any case they are completely different people, even if they have something similar. Therefore, if you hear “you are behaving like …”, or “you are the same as”, you don’t need to prove that he is wrong, you just conclude that the person is a moron and, taking this into account, build further communication.

toxic mantoxic man

4. “I’ve been hurt too often”

What does this even mean? And what did they hurt? Maybe now take a chainsaw and go cut people? In fact, this is both an excuse for your own fear of rapprochement, and a provocation so that you add a little more tenderness and attention to the furnace.

Quite a painful situation if you give a person a gift, and he takes it with one hand, and fumbles in your pockets with the other in search of something else. Therefore, when you take care of a person, and he starts to soar something similar, know that you are being robbed, they are sucking out more than you are ready to give. Of course, we were all hurt, but someone drew the appropriate conclusions and eliminated their weaknesses, and someone eliminated closeness with people by placing the situation in the “imperfection of the world” folder. Therefore, if a man broadcasts something like that, you don’t need to feel sorry for him, you need to understand that you are an infantile lazy person and an egoist.

5. “I am like this, you can’t change me”

Man changes every moment of his existence. Any new information is processed and integrated into the worldview in one way or another. At least, it should be so that we develop and do not go in cycles, like ouroboros.

You need to change yourself, gain the necessary understanding and skills, this is what is called self-development, self-education. In my opinion, this is the main thing when a person takes a sober look at himself and understands his development zones, where to grow, what to change. Therefore, when a man tells you that he can’t open up to anyone else, doesn’t trust anyone, and in general, “I am like that” – this is his conscious choice not to develop, not to work through problems in his head, and not to learn how to build normal relationships, which means He is weak, lazy and stupid.

If in response to your request not to hurt you, you get “Yes, I am like that, but you knew what you were doing”, know that this man is callous, like a piece of loaf in the garbage, and there is no need to cling to why he doesn’t care that it hurts you. That thought would make it even more embarrassing. Better think about the fact that he is the same cracker with all people, absolutely. You cannot be a kind and intelligent person with some, and a soulless jerk with others. Such a person is simply ossified, only in the brain.

6. “I love you, but…”

This manipulation is designed to prevent you from leaving, leaving somewhere on the periphery of his world, into which he will not let you in.

Like a donkey, they show you a carrot, which is easy to reach if you take only a couple of steps forward, but the carrot is on a stick, and it is held by a dirty Mexican who hits you from behind so that you do not lose your enthusiasm along the way. When they love, there cannot be any, everyone has a lot of shortcomings, but this does not prevent us from loving the good that is in people.

Therefore, if your boyfriend, from time to time, indulges you with a declaration of love, followed by a but, he is lying. Why he does this will depend on the continuation of the phrase. Usually, it contains an impulse to some kind of action, a desire to quickly change what makes your loved one uncomfortable and prevents him from loving you, like you love him, without a but. As a result, you do not think about yourself and about what may not suit you, you are constantly absorbed in the process of closing the holes that he picks with nails from his head.

Ladies prefer bad guys until they realize that it’s not their charms that make their legs wobble, but the blood they drink. These manipulations may be inherent in your boyfriend, only partially, but weeds multiply quickly, so it’s best not to lose vigilance. We ourselves are responsible for the attitude towards ourselves, and if something makes you uncomfortable, try to resolve it, and if it doesn’t work out, get rid of the irritant once and for all.

how to recognize a manipulatorhow to recognize a manipulator

7. He tries to isolate you.

A manipulator tries in every possible way to occupy all your time with himself, and if you go somewhere without him, he perceives this as a mortal sin and a terrible betrayal. For the manipulator, it does not matter who you saw and where you went. Even if you were at the funeral without him, he will still be angry and offended, and he will also find something to blame you for.

In addition, the manipulator will definitely try to embroil you with loved ones. If you often spend time with a girlfriend, he will come up with a fairy tale that she tried to seduce him. If your mother or sister often comes to visit you, he will declare that they are biased towards him. And about friends, a manipulator will compose so many “drop-dead stories” that you yourself will want to part with them.

The less attention is paid to the manipulator, the more he loses control. And those guys don’t like that.

8. He tells you nasty things about you

The manipulator will present the most juicy gossip and details of your “crimes” as if you are the devil in the flesh. He will pass on the stories of his classmates, who believe that he has changed a lot. Colleagues of a man notice that you do not appreciate him enough. And even your mutual friends and your own join (according to the stories of the manipulator) to your denigration.

And if others see it, then you probably have problems in a couple and these problems are because of you, girlfriend.

But usually the manipulator invents all this to make you feel uncomfortable.

9. There are only his needs

The needs of the manipulator are boundless and must be met. He needs all your attention, all your thoughts and in general all of you in undivided control. But when it comes to your needs, the manipulator will make it clear: they do not exist for him.

He will neglect them in every possible way, and if you demand a game not only at his gate, expect a scandal and tantrums from a man.

10. He severely punishes

If something does not happen as required by the manipulator, he applies severe punishments, in particular, methods of psychological violence.

For example – suddenly and for a long time falls silent, leaving you tormented by guesses why this happened. You must guess for yourself what you have done and, of course, crawl on your belly for forgiveness.

Remember the main thing: emotional abuse is always followed by verbal and physical abuse. If you notice that your boyfriend is acting like a toxic bastard, get away from him as soon as possible before it’s too late.

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