Many women agree to relationships for the sake of sex, although deep down they themselves do not believe in them. But men honestly find a lot of advantages in such a partnership and do not want to change anything. How not to fall into the trap of your own delusions and not have a romantic relationship with someone who needs them only for sex? The psychologist shared his opinion!
Men have long understood that the shortest way to get a woman into bed is to tell her about the seriousness of their intentions.
“What are you, what kind of sex?! I want to wake up with you every morning. I see you as the mother of my children. I’m looking for a serious relationship.” Women joyfully believe this and, giving themselves up on a first date, think over the details of their wedding ceremony. Imagine the surprise when they realize that there will be no further not only the ceremony itself, but also the second date, because the “beloved and only” has already received everything on the first.
Why You Shouldn’t Evaluate Your Partner
In my opinion, all this talk about finding a partner for a serious relationship is ridiculous. What is this notorious “serious relationship”? Marriage? And if two people do not marry, but treat each other with love, warmth and care, is their relationship frivolous or not a relationship at all?
And even if both want a family and children, how to understand what they can create with each other? The nature of any relationship is determined by their dynamics.
Simply put, in order to understand what kind of person you met and for what purpose, you need to try to get to know him and communicate. Don’t rush to label him as “sex only” or “my husband-to-be.”
One-day men: who are they?
But the truth is, there are a number of men with whom dynamics is impossible simply because their life goes according to a simple pattern: “met, slept, broke up.”
I have met different versions of this scheme – there are men who part with a woman after the first or second sex and move on to a new one, but there are men who can maintain a sexual relationship with one partner for years, but this lasts exactly until the moment she wants more . On this “more” there is a parting and a transition to a new object.
Why are they like this? You can fantasize about this for a long time and build a number of hypotheses, but they will not help you, because you do not need reasons why He does not want to marry, you need the One who marries. And these are DIFFERENT MEN. And the sooner you recognize the one with whom nothing but sex can be, the sooner you will find someone who can give you more.
How to recognize a man who only wants sex
The first and main feature – the topic of your conversations and meetings is only sex.
He will never call you just to see how things are going. Will not invite you to lunch for coffee. And if he invites, then only in order to combine this coffee with sex.
Even if before sex you have some kind of secular chatter and share information about each other’s life, then a man will never remember details about you, so that later he will find out “remember, you talked about problems with a colleague, did you manage to agree?”. He does not care. You interest him solely as a sexual object, and he does not intend to consider any other options for interacting with you.
The second indicator is the lack of overall activity.
In fact, before and after, and even instead of sex, you can do many more interesting things together – go for a walk, dine at a restaurant, cook dinner at home, lie in an embrace and watch a movie. You can go to the gym together.
I will say more – with the person you like, you even want to do as many things as possible together. If you only want one, and your man doesn’t respond to your initiatives in any way, in return he says something like “let’s just come to me, let’s have sex,” which means that he doesn’t consider you for anything else.
The third sign the narrow sexual orientation of your relationship is that you know nothing about a man, or about his relatives, or about his friends.
At the initial stage of a relationship, even when sex has already entered into them, this is normal. The two gradually expand the zone of intersection of each other’s lives.
But if you have known each other for quite a long time, for example, a year, and you still don’t know any of your man’s friends or relatives, then he is isolating you from other areas of his life. He’s not interested in you joining them.
The fourth sign if a man has only sexual interest in you, there is a reluctance to invest in you. This point can cause a lot of disagreement: “How? He loves me, he just doesn’t have money”, “He is serious about me, he’s just stingy, not even stingy, but prudent.”
We, women, are masters of justifying men’s reluctance to spend money. And yes, men in general. Because without excuses, you will have to admit the mistake of your choice.
So, believe me, even desperate mean people who want a relationship with a woman spend money on her. Even with trembling hands, even if only twice a year – on March 8 and for a birthday, but they buy gifts. Men who are in tight financial circumstances also give gifts, albeit inexpensive, albeit infrequently. But they give. Or, for example, they help physically when they cannot spend money financially. And only the one who does not care about a woman, who wants only sex from her, does not spend anything on a woman.
Fifth sign that a man only needs sex are empty words. To get sex from you, a man promises you. Even if he has already received sex, but wants more, the man promises again. You were already worried, having discovered one of the above signs in a relationship with a man, you made a scene – the man promised you again.
But a week, a month, half a year passes, and nothing has changed – the promises are not fulfilled, the relationship does not move, but you already hear new promises.
Keeping promises, whatever they are, is a kind of investment in a relationship. This is a recognition that you are valuable to a man so much that he is ready to do something for you. And this “something” means more than words without action.
Relationships for the sake of sex: is it worth it to start?
There is nothing wrong with the relationship itself for the sake of sex, and men and women can simply want each other. Problems arise where both hide their desires, because they are sure that this is the only way they can realize them – he, wanting sex, says: “You are the woman of my life”, she, wanting to get married, says: “I am not against free relationships “.
Or where both put labels on each other and communicate with each other, not seeing anything but this stamp. Or they put labels on relationships and hang them up like clothes in a wardrobe – “just sex”, “we are friends”, “we are dating”, “everything is serious”.
Relationships are not static, they live, move, develop like a child in the womb or like a crop in the fields.
When you hide your desires or label your desires, you cut the roots, you deprive the relationship of the air it needs to live. Do not rush. Let the spark that drew you to each other show whether it can develop into a fire. And you will see what it will be – an eternal flame on the Walk of Fame, a picnic fire or, perhaps, a burning candle of a lighthouse that will always show the way.