What difference does it make whether you left him or whether the words “We can no longer be together” belonged to him?
The pain of loss still gnaws at the heart. Right now you need support to get through all this.
Broke up with a guy: tips
Every woman has been in the same situation as you. Therefore, we all understand you well.
Here’s what you need to know.
It will hurt, but it will definitely pass.
Mental wounds are worse than physical ones. Yes, you are in a lot of pain. Nobody doubts it.
But, fortunately, they will drag on. One day you realize that you don’t care. That the person who caused so much suffering no longer causes negative emotions in you. Whatever he did.
Live this time
We have a society in which it is not customary to show one’s pain, anguish, despair. So you may try your best to hide your emotions. You can continue to do this in public – especially since at school, in class or at work, they simply won’t understand you. But at home, with a light soul, surrender to the surging feelings. Do whatever you want. Look at his photos, watch sad movies, listen to sad songs, lie in bed under a warm blanket and drink tea… Life, in fact, does not often provide the opportunity to do all this.
The best news is that if you do not suppress emotions, they will not be deposited in the form of psychological trauma and energy block in the body. And this experience will really make you stronger. You can see the world in a completely different way. You will know how strong you are and what you can take.
Don’t rush to “get it over with”
It is impossible to forget in three days the one with whom so many good minutes were spent. And who abandoned you. Or, on the contrary, whom you abandoned. Longing, guilt, disbelief, despair… And if after a week you are still feeling bad, and your relatives and friends tell you, “Come on, life is good!” You have every right not to listen to them.
There is no “correct” time after which spiritual wounds stop hurting.
So love ahead
Judge for yourself: life is wise and – in fact – always arranges everything in the best way. It’s just that we, who do not have power over the fourth dimension, cannot always see it.
Now imagine: if you loved someone who didn’t quite suit you so much, what kind of happiness will you experience with your real, ideal soulmate?
Don’t avoid memories
A common technique is to try not to remember what connected you. Do not go to the park in which you walked, for example. Do not listen to “general songs”. Don’t book your favorite table in the corner.
But what nonsense! Why should you give up things dear to your heart? Keep doing what you like. Favorite band is too good to never listen to again because of an ex. But here are his things that he left you, it’s best to really put them away. It is better to collect everything in a box and return it. Lacking mental strength? Put it in a box anyway. And give to the poor.
Do some sports
Preferably not in groups. Now is not the time to crowd jump to cheerful music. Run. Go to the gym. Ideally, sign up for boxing.
Sport will help you get rid of the accumulated stress. And after physical activity, your body will begin to synthesize endorphins (in fact, it is trying to relieve pain from stretched / strained muscles). The effect is especially noticeable after doing power sports. So it’s time to rock! And the mood will rise, and the former will regret all his life that he missed a girl with such a luxurious figure.
No second chance!
Fight the urge to start over. “First” will not. There shouldn’t be a second chance either. Especially the third one.
You already tried, you didn’t succeed. What has changed since you broke up? Has he changed? You? It is not so easy to “reshape” an adult person. Most likely, when the emotions subside and you both feel like you belong to each other again, all the old problems will come out again. For example: he gave you little time, you were very sad and you decided that you couldn’t do this anymore. Told him you were breaking up. He accepts your decision, but after a month or two he starts calling you and asking you to come back. Say that now he will spend all his time with you. It’s easy to give in – because this is exactly what you so passionately wanted. And at first – while the memory is fresh – he can really turn your life into a fairy tale. But then he will have other problems, goals and objectives (you have already returned – the task is completed), and you will again go to the background, or even to the third plan.
How to relieve heartache after a breakup
While you sleep, you still can not remember, but it is worth waking up and remembering … Again, another empty and meaningless day! But he is actually another step that takes you further. Because the worst has already happened, the crisis is gradually being left behind. It’s just that rehabilitation has its own laws.
At the first, most dramatic stage, driving a storm of emotions inside is harmful. Need to cry. To wallow without strength, succumbing to memories. Complain to someone you trust. Splash out. But all the same, you need to put an internal barrier for these waves that cannot be crossed. Three things need to be tabooed: hurting yourself and others, drinking, and calling him. It won’t get any easier than this. Will only make the situation worse
When the sharp peak begins to pass, you will begin to look for new experiences, changes. Change your hair, throw away old things, work late into the night, sign up for courses, go on tours. Just remember: it’s not a panacea, it’s just such a tool. You do not expect a miracle and healing from him. It just makes the pain easier to bear. And the body will heal itself. He just needs time.
Falling into desperate thoughts, do not disconnect from them halfway, always bring them to the “light at the end of the tunnel.” And one really beautiful day with a light heart you will be able to say to yourself: “You see!”
How to forgive and let go of a guy
The term “Gestalt” is often remembered now. The situation is completed – a closed gestalt, there are omissions and “tails” – it will emerge and torment. In a breakup situation, this is not just a buzzword, but an urgent need: to forgive and let go. Final and irrevocable. It’s terribly difficult, of course. Pulls back with terrible force. It seems like this will never end. And he will.
In order not to torment yourself with mental claims against him and yourself, you need to:
- First, firmly say to yourself: “this did not happen because I am bad.” Don’t look for someone to blame. And then, when the passions subside, you can look at the situation from the outside and think about where you made mistakes and where he was wrong.
- To be able to recognize his right to freedom of choice. Even if it’s the wrong choice.
- Don’t program yourself. Do not repeat: he was the only one, now I can never love again.
- Forgive and finally forgive. If resentment remains, it means that there is no inner freedom yet. Therefore, you should not seek salvation in another novel until those feelings have cooled down. This will be an attempt to transfer feelings to another ground, and most likely, is fraught with another painful mistake. When you are mentally ready for a new relationship, they will find you.
A breakup isn’t so bad if you can help yourself deal with it the right way. If you are in too much pain, contact a psychologist, do not hesitate to ask for help.