What not to see on TV! The tenth (oh, gods!) season of the Bachelor show has recently started, in which the Ukrainian-American Maxim will be dismantled for parts. For us, psychologist Elena Shpundra commented on this indecency.


On the eve of the holiday on March 8, the Bachelor project, its tenth anniversary season, traditionally appeared on the screens.

I don’t know by accident or intentionally, it became a remake of the 1st season – both there and there the heroes are called Max, they are both American Ukrainians, in the first – “curly Sue”, singer Yana Solomko, fought for the heart of Maxim Chmerkovsky, in the tenth – the same singer named Alina. And she’s curly too.

In the first season, Yana reached the final and became such a “White” on the contrary. Unlike the heroine of the fairy tale, the prince did not take her as his wife, although she was good to everyone, economic and sweet. He preferred the more daring “Rose”, but Solomko became a popular favorite.

The public always pities the sweet and accommodating and hates the impudent and recalcitrant. I don’t know how far Alina will go, but in this project I’m interested in something else – what has changed in the field of male-female relations in 10 years. After all, it is this show that perfectly demonstrates all aspects of inter-gender interactions based on the search for each other.

Already from the first party it is clear that, despite ten years of active destruction of gender stereotypes about the roles of women and men in society and in the family, the struggle against the objectification of women, the recognition of gender equality at the legislative level, there are girls who do not need all this. They need eyelashes, lips, eyebrows, nails, breasts to catch a man on live bait, more precisely on the creations of cosmetologists and plastic surgeons that emphasize sex and sexuality. More precisely, they think so that they emphasize. And they think that this is exactly what a man needs.

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The whole first party was a benefit of “heavy sex” – tons of makeup, cleavage, bare backs, legs in cutouts of dresses, almost all of them to the floor. Lacquered complex styling, heels, fake diamond tracks, old fashioned fur coats and mink capes – the fur of rich American old women, bureaucratic wives and young kept women.

I specially looked at the first parties from the projects of other countries.

Of course, this is a romantic show, beauty has not been canceled. But in the world there has long been a tendency that beauty should not be overly pretentious, painful, uncomfortable, complex. Moreover, this is not something that is worth suffering for.

Therefore, at parties in the USA or Australia, the girls are beautiful, in dresses, make-up, but it’s not over the top. Not overloaded. Not uncomfortable.

And we have such a gypsy: all the best at once and it does not matter that the legs are swollen, the back hurts and the hair is stuck in a crust on the head from a thick layer of varnish.

It is important that a man’s eyes not only run up, but burst. Then it is easier to drag the blind down the aisle.

Since it is he, the crown, or rather the wedding, that remains the subject of dreams and the meaning of the life of many women. Precisely, because of these fantasies, young and pretty nymphets looked like retired courtesans, and the bachelor went a little crazy, because he hardly expected such a cool mix of Madame Pompadour’s boudoir and the boarding house of noble maidens.

In addition to “hard sex”, season 10 showed that our purely Slavic joke is still alive, that a man should be caught for sex, generously flavored with care.

Therefore, the bachelor was given pickles, cooked food, showed his mother, painted pictures, drank coffee, had a massage, danced a dance. That is, we will not just show the man all the best at once, but also circle him, warm him, feed him, make generous advances, then he will definitely be ours.

Without irony, the problem with the boundaries in a relationship leads to the fact that they end so painfully.

For girls, this problem is expressed in the fact that, spurred on by dreams of great love, relationships with a capital “O”, a wedding, they are so busy showing a man their best in order to please that they do not see the man himself, and therefore the one how it manifests itself in relationships.

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Having met a handsome guy, even having slept with him a couple of times, they are already starting to integrate him into relationships, into their lives, but at the same time they not only do not clarify, but what is there, in the guy’s head or intentions, they ignore the obvious signals that he is much less interested in them.

Of course, relationships are not bookkeeping “you for me, I for you”, but in a healthy relationship there is symmetry and proportionality of the contributions of both parties. So that later it would not turn out that she was building the love of her life with him, and he meant only sex without obligations.

Particularly striking was the moment when girls make erroneous conclusions about a man based on their own desire to please him.

A lawyer participant named Anya came to the first meeting with a contract for a bachelor, that he would guarantee her either a rose or a date. Max read it and signed it. And Anya further choked with enthusiastic conclusions “he is so smart, he read the contract before signing it.”

I just want to tell Anya that if a person reads a text on a piece of paper, this does not mean that he is smart, it only means that he can read. In itself, this is, in principle, not bad, the intellect is preserved, since a person is trained. But it is unlikely that any superpowers follow from this fact in order to start looking at a person from the bottom up and write with delight.

Any person needs to be recognized “what he is” and check “whether what he is for me”, and not to appoint “he is good, because I am good and everything will be fine with us, because I want it.”

In addition, the behavior of the girls at the first party showed us that fairy tales still rule the ball in their heads. More precisely, the images of fairy-tale heroines with whom they identify themselves.

We saw the same Cinderella, who dreams of the Prince, the little robber, the Princess-Nesmeyana, Anidag, the weaver with the cook, with the woman-in-law Babarikha.

Of course, it’s not bad for someone who didn’t have pink unicorns in their heads at the age of twenty. But when a fairy tale is superimposed on such a set of clichés about what a “real man” and “real woman” should be, as well as what “successful success” means, we end up with a sad, funny or dirty story that in general, it hits the heroine painfully on the head, even if she is Cinderella, even if Anidag.

And the Tsarevna-Nesmeyana is turned into a woman-drama, which is shunned by everyone – both women and men.

Although, in fairness, it must be said that the garbage in the head of the girls, about what you need to be in order to meet a successful man and what a really beautiful life it is, is planted and generously laid by the men themselves.

Recently, on YouTube, I came across a fragment of an interview with Alexander Yaroslavsky, one of the major Ukrainian oligarchs, included in the top ten Forbes, about his third wife. Which is 30 years younger, who bore him three children and whom he decided to marry only after 12 years of marriage.

He called patience her most valuable quality:

“The first is her patience. She always kept her mouth shut. The fact that she said very little was very valuable.”

And Yaroslavsky says this openly now, in 2020, and not in 1919 or 1990. The ideal woman in the view of a rich man is a beautiful picture with breasts, legs and booty, which endures everything and is silent. And if he opens his mouth, then to please himself with a Lexus or new diamonds.

But in the show “The Bachelor” the hero has never been an elderly oligarch, mentally stuck in the 90s. On the contrary, these are always modern guys from the present. But the girls, for the most part, approach them with the same schemes of charm as they do with the elderly oligarchs – show the body, pout, feed, cry and surrender.

So, in terms of sensitivity to world changes, guys around the age of 30 definitely overtake girls. At least in the “Bachelor” project. But on the streets, something else pleases me. The fact that in broad daylight it is less and less possible to meet a girl with a neckline to the navel, who sways on 20 cm strips.

But in season 10, it was only the first issue. Maybe the next ones will please us more in this sense.

Photo: instagram.com/holostyakstb