Psychologists say: you should seriously think about the future of your relationship if the “alarm phone” began to ring in your family. After examining the married lives of many couples, family therapist John Gottman found four main signs of an impending divorce.
2. Humiliation and ridicule of a partner
Macho men often sin with this: “What can you even understand about this ?!”, “No, you just listen to this baby talk!”. Offensive nicknames, eye rolls, scornful grins – a familiar picture? All this hurts the partner’s self-esteem. The purpose of these actions is to subjugate by the method of humiliation. And this is the biggest problem in marriage.
What to do? A serious conversation is needed: a family is built on a foundation of mutual support, kindness and indulgence for each other’s weaknesses. If the humiliation does not stop, you should seriously think about how to go through life apart in the future.
3. Position of the pseudo-victim
It is easy to recognize such a manipulator: he begins all conversations with the phrase “Yes, but …”. Agreement is mixed with disagreement, or one’s own point of view is repeated all the time, and the opposite one is ignored. And then one way or another makes the spouse feel guilty. He is ready to make concessions in an attempt to make amends. This is exactly what the pseudo-victim is trying to achieve!
What to do? Try to side with your partner. Let him know that you agree with at least part of his words, that you understand his feelings and are able to look at the situation through his eyes.
4. “Back the hatches!”
Nobody likes conflicts. But some especially. In such cases, they, like submariners, “batten down the hatches” of the submarine and lie on the bottom. And if they are harassed, answer in monosyllables, try to change the subject, stumble into a computer screen, or simply leave the room. Neutrality is perceived by the partner as disapproval, coldness, lack of contact.
What to do? Try to keep track of the moment when you or your partner can no longer cope with a storm of emotions. Take a breather, be sure to inform your partner about this and promise to return to the conversation when everyone calms down.