The topic of communication with the former is considered the most pressing issue for every woman. Often in social networks they discuss whether it is worth communicating with an ex-boyfriend. Many come to only one conclusion: out of sight, out of mind! But is it right?
If you do not take into account the extremes, when the former was completely erroneous, then why so sharply? Why such rejection?
Well, at the peak of the gap, you can say too much. Nerves on edge, anger, hatred, irritation – all over the edge. But then, when emotions subside, don’t you see your ex again as just a guy, just a man, not without flaws, of course, but completely wow.
Don’t you remember how you laughed when you were soaked to the skin in a summer downpour, how you walked barefoot through puddles warm after a hot day? Don’t you remember how cozy it was to watch a stupid series on a winter evening, hiding behind one blanket? And about how he called all his friends and relatives when you lost your phone, and he was worried, do you remember?
Is it really that what turned out after a month, six months, five years, that you did not agree on the characters, that there are irreconcilable contradictions between you – all this can be deleted from your life by summer rain, a cozy blanket and tea with lemon? Why betray these precious moments? After all, it was happiness …
When I broke up with my first ex, we fought, we talked a lot, we fought a lot again. “I fell out of love, this is definitely the end,” I thought. Over time, I calmed down and suddenly realized that the end of love is not the end of a relationship at all. My ex didn’t get any worse because I stopped loving him. He is still the same cool guy, sociable, cheerful, kind. “Why am I cutting off such a large and pretty piece from my life?” I thought.
What the psychologist says
Clinical psychologist Jill Weber, author of 5 Steps to Self-Esteem: How to Start Feeling Good, is convinced that hanging out with an ex hinders the recovery process. She believes that in order to open up to a new life and confidently plan for the future, it is necessary to fully accept the fact that the relationship has ended.
Having recognized the separation, a person is relieved, his life becomes more calm. You can’t argue with this statement. However, when the separation happened, when a new life began – why not take old and close friends into it?
Talking to an ex is a way to fill a gap
My friend thinks I’m kidding myself. She says that in a few years I have rethought the reasons for leaving the former, now they no longer seem so important to me. Since he is a really nice guy, I started thinking about why not get in touch with him.
In response to my words that you can just be friends, my friend smiles sarcastically. Maybe she’s right? I don’t have any relationship right now – so I’m trying to fill the gap in my personal life with my ex?!
In one article, people like me are invited to turn to their heart and ask it if it is ready to endure the pain again, because if the separation happened once, it can happen again … No, the heart is not ready. But parting can happen in any relationship – with the former, with the future … So, do not meet with anyone at all? And here it is not.
Is it possible to have a relationship with an ex?
University of California professor Nancy Kalish started an interesting experiment: she studied more than 500 couples who first broke up, and after a few years restored romantic relationships. The result of the study was the conclusion that happy re-relationships with the former are very possible!
About 70% of newly united couples have built a new, happy union. The study has been going on for about 20 years, so these repeated alliances can already be safely called strong.
What do you think about communication with the former? Share your opinion in the comments.