10 Decisions That Don’t Save Relationships, They Only Make It Worse

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1. Get married

The step is as illogical as possible, but very common. A wedding in our culture is often perceived as a way to nullify all the negative things that happened before marriage. including claims.

Naturally, this is not so. The wedding may lead to a slight pause in the confrontation. Still, the strong emotions of the holiday should not be underestimated. But then unresolved problems will return.

Just look at statistics divorces. Nearly a quarter of marriages fail in the first two years. 4.7% of couples break up before even celebrating their first anniversary.

A wedding can be a logical continuation of a troubled relationship if the couple has acknowledged the crisis and dealt with it. Without this, one should not hope for a miracle.

2. Have a baby

The appearance of a baby can be a test for strong harmonious couples. According to researchthe birth of a child in most cases significantly reduces marital satisfaction.

Accordingly, the situation can become monstrous if everything is already bad. At the same time, it will also affect the child who will suffer innocently. Parting may even be avoided – out of a sense of duty, for example. But whether all participants in the process will be happy is a big question.

3. Change

If the leftist strengthens marriage, then in some parallel universe. Among the reasons cited for the breakup, only lack of money surpassed infidelity in terms of frequency of mention.

People usually expect exclusive sexual and romantic relationships by default. Therefore, betrayal is perceived as a violation of agreements and betrayal, which negatively affects trust in a couple.

Change is stressful. And for both, although, perhaps, to a different degree. And it is not necessary that the one who was cheated on will suffer more – a lot depends on the individual. In some cases, the culprit really understands that there is no one better than a partner. But there is still the question of whether the person who cheated will remain the same for the second person after such an act. If all this is superimposed on an already crumbling relationship, it is hardly worth expecting that they will change for the better.

4. Provoke jealousy

Sometimes there was no betrayal. But one of the partners suddenly decides to provoke the jealousy of the other. Either he is looking for evidence that the second person still has feelings. Either he is trying to demonstrate his relevance: “I will have a hundred more like you.”

This is hardly an adequate response to relationship problems. Firstly, a partner may perceive such behavior as a real betrayal. Secondly, it does not solve any of the existing conflicts, but only adds a new one. Thirdly, it is simply cruel to force a loved one (or no longer) to experience strong negative emotions.

5. Try to change your partner

An understandable defense mechanism is to blame the partner for all the troubles and force him to change so that they don’t exist: “Our couple would be perfect if not for you!” In fact, it rarely happens that perfection itself and a person with a bunch of flaws are in a relationship.

Typically, relationships involve certain changes, and in both partners. This is necessary so that two different people can coexist comfortably. For some this is easier, for others it is more difficult.

However, change is the responsibility of the individual himself. All that can be done is to talk, and without manipulation or accusations. So to speak, throw the ball into the partner’s half of the field. But he decides what to do next.

6. Change yourself for a partner

Consider the situation from the other side. Sometimes a person accepts all the claims of a partner and begins to carve out a completely different personality. Sometimes this happens because of pressure and manipulation. It is dishonest, destructive and can even lead to mental disorders.

Any change is a mutual process. Their need is agreed in the form of a dialogue, when both talk about their feelings and discuss inconsistencies. Otherwise, nothing good will come of it.

7. Pull back

Another common behavioral tactic is to pretend that nothing is happening.

A person, nominally remaining in a relationship, begins to avoid the second partner. Stays late at work, finds urgent business on weekends, and so on. Often this is done if the couple has some additional obligations. For example, people do not want to leave because they have children, a common business, or something else.

But in fact there is no relationship anymore, this is a dummy. It would be more honest to leave and not make yourself and everyone involved unhappy.

8. Go on vacation

Couples are often advised to change the scene and go on a trip together. This can be good for relationships if the partners have been able to spend little time together lately due to, for example, work.

But if the union is at the stage where it needs to be saved, then the idea of ​​\u200b\u200bgoing on a trip in which you have to spend time together 24/7 is hardly a good idea. This will only warm up the cauldron with accumulated irritation, resentment and fatigue. And in the end, such an explosion can happen that it won’t seem enough. And it is unlikely that you will be able to quickly evacuate from an unfamiliar place – you will have to change tickets, lose money.

Although in general, if you are ready to leave for a chic place to sort things out all the time, why not? But it should be at least a constructive dialogue with attempts to listen to the other side and come to a compromise.

9. Go to training

The story of trainings that promise to improve family relationships is like this. You may come across a good event organized by a professional. And there they will tell the obvious and correct things: do not avoid problems, do not shift responsibility on each other, criticize actions, not a person, do not insult, listen to each other.

But, alas, the risk of encountering gurus who will impose gender stereotypes, break participants, make them do strange things is much higher. For example, in women’s training, attendees are often persuaded to quit immediately in order to devote themselves to the service of a man. But if the family is in conflict because of low income, it is unlikely that the loss of one salary will fix everything.

10. Involve third parties

This method is good in one case: partners go to a couples consultation with a psychologist. But it is hardly worth asking for advice from parents, friends and other people. Firstly, they do not see the whole picture, but proceed only from your words and observations. Secondly, advisers are likely to take sides, which will interfere with objectivity. Thirdly, the personal experience of a non-specialist is rarely sufficient for a correct assessment of what is happening.

If we are not talking about situations where direct assistance is required (such as domestic violence), the relationship should be clarified between partners. Someone else’s interference can only make things worse.

The options listed do not work because they are trying to mask the problem, not solve it. It is much more useful to learn to talk to each other, to express complaints without hurting, and to act not only in their own interests. Many difficulties grow into disaster because no one has discussed them.

In another text, we talked about how to strengthen relationships.