In the Glossary section, we explain new words and terms that appear in the media. Ghosting is an exit from a relationship and the termination of further communication for no apparent reason. We tell you where this term came from and why new acquaintances can disappear from the radar.

What is hosting

The term “Ghosting” comes from the English word ghost – a ghost. This is the name of the situation when a person suddenly disappears from your life. Ignores meetings, stops answering calls, blocks messages on social networks. Disappears like a ghost, as if it never existed.

A person who practices ghosting is called a ghoster. These terms are used to describe any relationship: friendship, romantic or work.

In most cases, ghosting happens with new acquaintances. Strong social ties did not have time to form with them, there are no common colleagues or friends. So it’s pretty easy to end a relationship.

Psychologists believe that guests are trying to protect themselves from the unpleasant emotions associated with a breakup. They avoid conflict and consider disappearance to be the easiest and most painless way to cut off communication. The experiences of the other side may not excite them. It happens that ghosts deliberately hurt with a sudden break in relations and ignorance.

For victims of ghosting, the breakup often comes as a surprise. They do not understand its causes and begin to look for problems in themselves. But without feedback, it can be difficult to understand what happened.

History of the term

The term appeared in 2004 and was actively used in the English-language media in the 2010s. For example, using the word “Hosting” journalists described the separation of Charlize Theron and Sean Pena in 2015. The actress broke off the engagement without explanation and stopped answering calls and messages from her ex-fiance.

In 2015, the term “Gosting” was listed in the Collins Dictionary, meaning “ending a relationship by ignoring the other person.”

Situations when a partner stopped calling after a few dates or the first sex have occurred before. But the advent of the Internet made matters worse. A review of studies conducted by Dutch scientists in 2020 showed that men and women treat dating via apps like a game. Relationships are less valuable. New friends are always at hand – on the phone. And if you didn’t like the date, you can not care about the partner’s feelings, but simply disappear from the radar and choose the next applicant.

On the other hand, the Internet has made ignorance more visible and therefore painful. In the past, when a person did not call back after the first date, one could explain this situation to oneself as a misunderstanding. For example, the loss of a piece of paper with a phone number. Today you can find a new acquaintance through social networks – and find out that a person deliberately avoids communicating with you.

Hosting examples

Hosting in romantic relationships

This is a fairly common occurrence. A 2018 study published in The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships surveyed 1,300 people. It turned out that about a quarter of the participants became victims of ghosting. A fifth of the respondents admitted that they themselves ended the relationship without explanation.

A striking example of ghosting is a situation where a partner stops communicating after several dates. Perhaps the guest perceives what happened as an easy, non-binding flirtation. And so it disappears without explanation.

Ghosting is often practiced by those who believe in fate and are looking for a “soul mate” – an ideal partner intended by providence. Such people usually do not think that relationships can develop. Not finding one hundred percent understanding in the next partner, they disappear.

Hosting in friendship

In friendships, ghosting is even more common. According to The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, a third of survey participants experienced sudden and inexplicable ignorance of friends.

Blogger Kayla described her experience of the disappearance of a friend: “I wanted to make an appointment for the next day and was faced with complete disregard.” She says that the sudden disappearance of a friend can be more painful than the end of a romantic relationship. Besides, friends are not random acquaintances from Tinder. Usually these are people with whom we have long-term relationships and whom we are used to counting on in difficult situations. The more difficult it is to lose them without understanding the reasons.

Hosting at work

Employers often encounter hosting when they are looking for new employees. Canadian entrepreneur Kathleen James said that she once invited five job applicants for an interview, and as a result, three of them did not come to the interview. On two occasions, she encountered a situation where employees disappeared during their probationary period. Each time they said that they liked the work, promised to come the next morning and disappeared without explanation.

In USA, hosting is also a common phenomenon. A 2019 HeadHunter study showed that 66% of employers have experienced hosting. One in four noted that employees disappeared after the official employment.

Employers explain this behavior of employees by the fact that the latter do not dare to talk directly about problems, suddenly found a job with a higher salary, or could not withstand too much pressure.

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