Stress is experienced not only by the individual, but also by society. The processes that are going on now are so global, and the information flows associated with the special operation and partial mobilization are so powerful that they affect everyone. Even those who think it doesn’t concern them. Thinks so Associate Professor of the Department of Medical Psychology, Irkutsk State University, Candidate of Psychological Sciences Anna Luzhetskaya.

Feel powerless

– When a society is faced with great inevitable changes, then a person may feel powerless in front of them. This gives rise to destructive experiences such as anger, anger, and much more destructive. So that they do not capture you, you need to stick to what leads to creation. As soon as the state of a single individual becomes psychologically more stable, it is transmitted to others, and the intensity of passions around goes down.

Vladimir Shpikalov, AiF Irkutsk: On the one hand, a person is powerless in front of social processes, you say. On the other hand, it can affect them. How does this happen?

Anna Luzhetskaya: There is such a well-known experience with metronomes, devices with a pendulum. Several devices stand side by side and “tick” randomly, soon they begin to work in the same rhythm, the movement is synchronized. When the instruments stand on a swinging platform and work at different rhythms, they begin to fall and bring down the platform, but when they align with a single rhythm, they manage to stabilize the platform as well.

In the language of allegories: many, many metronomes – this is a society. Under the influence of external vibrations, a person experiences destructive feelings and lives in his own restless rhythm. However, someone in this chaos finds in himself an inner support and strength for creation.

Such people become a support for the family, small and large social groups. By being stable, doing their own thing, and caring for others, they reduce anxiety levels. They show others how to live when it is “very shaking” and it seems that life loses its meaning.

Based on social roles

– Let’s specify the problem: how to cope with the feelings of a wife who is seeing off her husband called for mobilization?

– Recently, as a practitioner, I often encounter such appeals. Example. A mother of two children came to the reception, she is pregnant with her third child, her husband falls under mobilization. Feelings of anxiety are very strong. In addition to worrying about her husband, she was frightened by the uncertainty: how to raise three children alone?

We have outlined the boundaries of responsibility. When she spoke out her experiences, she was aware of them: I can do this, but I can’t do this. It is important to indicate the level of your responsibility – not to avoid it, but also not to take too much. When we are responsible for something or someone, especially in a crisis situation, it gives strength. Through internal mobilization, one can discover such resources in oneself that were not previously known.

– Responsibility gives strength?

– Undoubtedly. Women whose son or husband left for a special operation can seek support in simple everyday actions, giving them a deeper meaning. If they understand “I am a mother to my children”, “I am a person who does my job well, a professional”, “I am a housewife who looks after the house so that her beloved husband will feel good here when he returns” – this is a different situation than “I manage to survive.”

Relying on social roles – to cook food, feed the children, tidy up the house, do their business, women maintain their own stability, and it is very valuable for those who are in the NWO zone. There is no need for servicemen to worry about their household members there. There is another message in this. A fighter, communicating with loved ones, feels his peaceful part. By this they say to him: we need you, if you return – it will be so and so, everything is ready – we are waiting for you.

– And at the time of parting, how to behave correctly?

“We all care deeply for our loved ones and love them very much. These two feelings must be learned to separate. Otherwise, there is a danger of giving this pain instead of love. “I’m afraid for you” is one story, “I love and wait for you” is a completely different story.

The key is awareness

– It’s clear with love, but what about worries?

– They need to be experienced. Communication will help with this. Anxiety needs to be addressed. If something is difficult to say, write it down. Communication is an important resource. The danger of destructive feelings is precisely in the lack of expression, they can “rush” it is not known when and how. Yes, there are times when you need to be alone, but you can’t withdraw into yourself. And you should not be ashamed to express your feelings, no matter how inappropriate or bad they may seem to you, you should not. It’s good to have someone around who is willing to listen to you. It is very important now to be with those who will understand your feelings and who can withstand them. The environment of like-minded people is of great importance.

Feeling embarrassed to express your feelings, no matter how inappropriate or bad they may seem to you, is not worth it.

Pay attention to your actions, including the most mundane ones. The main thing is not what you do, but that you do it consciously. Be sensitive to the needs of the body, the truth is simple, but few people follow it. Don’t skip meals. They wanted to sleep – they lay down. Tired – sit down to rest. Be aware of the body as well as your thoughts and feelings. Try to move more, it is the physical activity that you enjoy (dancing, walking, yoga, sports, and so on) that is important. Get creative: drawing, sculpting, whatever. All this brings us out of toxic experiences.

– What works best?

– There is no direct advice: “You need to go there or that.” Search empirically, feel relief – it’s yours. Trust your intuition. If strong emotions are captured in the moment and you feel a sharp attack of anxiety, shift your attention to breathing: exhale twice as long as you inhale. No wonder they say to a person in severe stress: “Exhale.”

Another simple trick is to shift attention to reality: take some thing in your hands, count the objects around, mark five objects that a person sees, hears, smells, touches, this helps to come to oneself – anxiety lets go.

Why is the ground slipping away from under your feet?

– How much does the current situation affect the psychological health of people?

– Conflicts, symptoms, destructive reactions are aggravated. People are trying to prove their position. Particularly painful disagreements are manifested in relation to loved ones. The point here is not in rhetoric, not in the search for truth – who is right, who is wrong. The problem is deeper – it seems to a person that if relatives do not support him, then this is somehow dangerous.

When a loved one disagrees with you on acute social issues, there is a feeling of loss of support, stability, the ground is slipping from under your feet. You no longer feel safe, and this is a basic human need, so you try to return the “lost” at all costs, such behavior is not much different from aggression. It is important to understand that he, despite a different position, feels the same. This kind of disagreement in the family is a completely different intensity of experience than if you simply did not agree on something with outsiders.

How to deal with such conflicts?

– It is very important to look not for the different, but for the common. People have much more in common with each other on a human level than on an ideological level. You have to rely on this. Let your loved ones have a different opinion, but they are significant to you, you definitely love each other. Now is a time when it is better to pay attention to commonality than to differences.