Happiness is a state about which many lines have been written, both by poets, prose writers, philosophers, and bloggers. There are lists where instructions are written point by point on how to come to this blissful state. decided to contribute to the search for truth and asked gestalt therapist Victoria MerkulovaWhat is happiness and is there a way to achieve it.

How does happiness feel?

Happiness is a lasting experience that does not depend on situational difficulties or change. A person in this period of life may have troubles, however, he still feels happy. If you try to describe happiness in words, it turns out that a person feels content with his such life, he likes it, and he wants to continue living it. In his life, the mood can change and a person experiences the whole range of feelings and states: joy, sadness, euphoria, disappointment, anger, falling in love, and so on. Despite this, he can say: “How I like my life. What a good life I have. It’s great that I live it.” When he says this, he feels joy.

At certain moments in life, happiness is acute. Euphoria only says that at the moment something has happened, and the person has reached a peak state – for example, a woman got married or realized that her life is beautiful. This is a moment of some novelty. After some time, the sharpness passes, but the person does not cease to feel happy.

What makes up happiness?

By and large, happiness is formed from moments when, for most of a person’s life, his needs were met. It may look as if a person is given everything he wants, and he has everything. Or a person is not upset that he does not have something or he does not achieve some goals. Something like childhood. Nevertheless, not all children are happy, because not all parents think about the needs of children, but raise a “good” person. If there is a fear that you can slide into infantilism in this way, then yes, you can. But at the same time, continuing to be happy if there is someone nearby who is ready to take on the role of an adult. Codependent people are also happy.

It does not matter who fulfills the needs of a particular person, it is more important whether they are satisfied or not.

Everyone has something important

The values ​​of the family system will influence what attitudes were laid down in childhood and formed the backbone of the personality. For some, relationships are the most important thing in life. A person will have a good job, a house, the opportunity to travel, but on these trips he will be lonely, and he will feel a deeply unhappy person, because in his life there is no main thing – family. Or a person has a wonderful family, children, but his career is not the one he dreamed of. It is this fact that will overshadow the impression of his life.

How to find your happiness?

There is no universal way to be happy. In order to understand what makes a particular person happy, it is necessary to observe oneself: from what comes the fulfillment and a sense of satisfaction, and without what this does not happen. It turns out that someone has a family, someone has creativity, work, a loved one or children. It is important to review the standard things and check whether it makes you happy specifically, or, despite the fact that social networks are full of pleasure for others, it does not bring you any pleasure.

If you find that relationships are important to you, then the lack of money and travel will not overshadow you. After all, you already have the main thing.

And if a person concentrates on what is not there?

It happens that a person’s attention is directed only to what he does not have and lacks. As soon as he gets what he wants, he immediately shifts his gaze to where something is missing, devaluing what he has already received. Such people cannot get enough and be happy in principle. This kind of behavior is a reason for long-term therapy, which will help you learn to be satiated.

How to be happy when something is not going well with loved ones?

A person is happy when loved ones are happy. This is normal if a person can simultaneously satisfy his own needs, and not just keep the attention of his relatives in focus. It is normal to care and think about others, unless there is a transition to the extreme: I think ONLY about them and abandon myself.

Nevertheless, you can remain happy, but at the same time sympathize, empathize or grieve for others, without giving up your inner feeling: “I like my life. I want to live it and enjoy it, despite the fact that there are different moments in it, including bitterness.

What can get in the way of being happy?

Different people have different reasons that limit the feeling of happiness. There are anxious people. They cannot rejoice until the anxiety goes away. There are people who follow some imposed rules. At the same time, they have other sense-forming needs inside, but they are focused not on them, but on the expectation of their parents and trying to make them happy, and not themselves. If a person is permanently unhappy, then it seems that either he constantly denies himself, or satisfies false needs, or has not found a way to realize his desire.

When a person begins to do what he really needs, and not his parents or what is encouraged in society, he becomes happy. The main secret to being happy is to satisfy your needs regularly. More often than deny yourself.